


Penny Arcade

by Riverwillows73



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Complete, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Femslash, Fluff and Angst, Neurological Disorders, Original Character(s), POV Female Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-05
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 15:43:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/345797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riverwillows73/pseuds/Riverwillows73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow gets her heart broken and ends a seven year relationship. She decides to go back to Colorado Springs, Colorado, the little mountain town she has always called home. Nursing a broken heart and intent on learning how to move on, in walks the woman that changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving the Past Behind aka Leaving Las Vegas

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS. This is completely AU, and there may be some dialogue stealing on my part here and there. There’s no hellmouth, no oogly-booglys, and to quote Jean Paul Sartre "Hell is other people". So there is your angst warning, along with near misses but inevitably there will be a happy ending.
> 
> ******  
> Watch chapters for ratings changes and disclaimer stands for all future chapters. This is also VERY In Progress, and at this point I won't guarantee you'll see any other Scoobies, but I make no promises. Also italics are for emphasis.

 

 

 

The grating sound of motor as it turned over was still not as hard as when I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw her waving as I drove away. I think I had hoped she would stop me, beg me to stay – say it was all a silly mistake and if we could just talk a little we’d get through it… but she didn’t.

 

And I left.

 

I just managed to keep it together until I hit the highway, and it seemed like every radio station was out to get me. REM “Everybody Hurts” – hit scan for a new station – Nazareth “Love Hurts” – hit scan – Gloria Estefan “Anything for You” – mash the button a little harder – Michael Bolton “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You” – that’s when I knew that someone out there really hated me.

 

I seethed between gulps of air, and more waves of tears. The cherry on the sundae was when I rolled passed the “You are now leaving the Las Vegas City limits” sign, and my most recent scan of radio stations stopped on Sheryl Crow’s voice stridently proclaiming that she was “Leavin’ Las Vegas!” I rolled my eyes and groaned. I couldn’t take anymore.

 

I pulled over so I could hang my head and cry, because so was I. I was leaving her behind and I felt like not only was my heart breaking but my life would no longer be happy ever again. Heartbreak does that to a girl. I don’t know how long I sat there in my beat up truck with the clichéd u-haul attached heading back to the little town in the mountains where it all started – where I called home.

 

I started my truck again, hastily turning off the radio all together. I pulled some fast food napkins from my glove box and blew my nose. As I pulled back out onto the highway the last strains of the song ran through my head again.

 

_“I'm leaving Las Vegas, And I won't be back, No I won't be back, Not this time”._


	2. The Long Journey Home

 

 

 

797 miles – 1,282.647 kilometers. I've driven over a lot of the forty-eight contiguous states, but no drive ever seemed as long as that one.

Normally this wouldn't have been so bad. I _like_ to drive, it clears my head, but drives like these had to be in a special level in hell reserved for the heartbroken. I felt like a man walking down for execution because as far as I was concerned I had nothing left to give. I couldn’t eat, I would pull over at rest stops to take little cat naps. Not the safest I know but I did what I had to. I stopped for gas and to call Erik to let him know I was okay. And thankfully even in the middle of nowhere I could find bottles of Starbucks Frappuccinos™ to drink.

 

Long miles full of self-recriminations, tears, agony and all the fights playing over and over in my head like Satan’s worst home movie ever. It should have taken about thirteen hours, but between the endless stream of tears, it took far longer. I swore I’d never let anyone make me feel the way she had, I’d never give up so much of myself ever again. I had so willingly lost myself in her – in “us”. During the long drive back to Colorado Springs, I made so many promises to myself. I

 

I drove for a straight twenty four hours – and I made a whole lot of promises to myself. When I finally pulled into Erik’s driveway, I sat there for a moment. I felt like hell, I ached physically and mentally, so I’m pretty sure I looked like it too. I remember jumping when my door popped open, and I looked to see Erik standing there. Tall, broad shouldered – every girl’s dream – just not mine.

 

He looked at me sadly and opened his arms and I fell into his warm hug. I thought I had cried all my tears by then – I was wrong. I remember him sweeping me up into his arms and carrying me inside while I cried on his shoulder. My knight in shining armor, my best friend, my confidant – he was always the one who listened without judging, and the one who encouraged me to be strong regardless of how much it may hurt.

 

******

 

Erik and I had been friends since my parents moved us to Colorado Springs when I was in middle school. My dad taught at the Air Force Academy and Erik was a “townie”. Meaning his family wasn’t attached to any of the three military installations in any way. We moved a lot, and while making friends wasn’t easy, they never lasted longer than a year or two tops. Erik’s was the exception to that rule, much to my benefit.

 

We had gym together in seventh grade, and after I managed to shoot our stereotypically butch female gym teacher in the ass with an arrow – well an instant friendship was formed. Fortunately for Miss Carter it was just a flesh wound and only needed stitches, and she passed me but kept me away from all the pointy things…the throw-able things… pretty much everything, so I really couldn’t complain at the time.

 

He was the first person I came out to when I was seventeen – and then proceeded to try and sneak me into a topless bar to celebrate. That was a night I’ll never forget, but I’m getting sidetracked and that’s a story for another time.

 

******

 

We sat on his couch and he listened to everything I had been leaving out of our conversations for the last year almost. The horrible words, the painful lies finally told and the bitterness of her ultimate betrayal. My tears never seemed to cease until I finally told him about the cheating and why I really left, or why she was leaving me. She wanted the one thing I couldn’t give her, and so she left me for a man.

 

She said she wasn’t in love with him, said he knew her feelings and what she wanted from him. But he was in love with her, and if that’s what he could get, well, that’s what he would take. I sat stunned, with everything else, how could I believe her? I raged that there were other ways we could have had children, so for her to say she felt nothing she had to be a liar as well as a cheater.

 

And obviously she took me for a fool. She knew I wouldn’t share. So I went home, with my tail tucked between my legs and a heavy shattered heart.

 

I told Erik it all, and then I slept for the next four days.


	3. Hibernation

 

 

 

Have I mentioned that Erik is _awesome_? Well, it bears repeating. I slept for almost thirty hours before I crawled out of bed for the first time to answer the call of nature. When I came back, I noticed a bottle of water, and an apple had been left on the nightstand by the bed. I guzzled the water down quickly, but left the apple untouched before I crawled under the blankets again. When I opened my eyes next, there was another bottle of water and this time a pear. As I looked at the pear my stomach rolled dangerously, so I just sat on the edge of the bed to slowly drink the water this time. With the bottle empty, I rolled back to burrow under the covers once again shutting out the world.

 

I woke with a start from a dream crying. I hate that. I don’t think there’s anything worse than waking up alone from a dream in tears. Thankfully the details of it slipped away quickly. I laid there shaking, as the gloom was cut the long fingers of the street lamp outside creeping in along the walls of my room. The house was so quite; I knew Erik must be sleeping as well.

 

I sat up, and looked around the room in the dim. I noticed the two suitcases that I had packed last into the u-haul, had been put directly in front of the foot of the bed where I would see them. I didn’t remember hearing Erik moving around the room at all during any of his various visits to check on me either. I rose on wobbly legs, and got a little bit of a head rush from sleeping so much and being prone so long. Once I was sure I wouldn’t fall over, I rummaged around in one case for my toothbrush and clean clothes.

 

I went slowly down the hall to the bathroom, and quietly took a shower. When I flipped on the light switch, I felt momentarily like a mole squinting against the bright of the bathroom light. I found lavender scented body soap next to Erik’s manly bottle of Irish Spring™ and chuckled a little. I wondered which of his sisters he had asked to help him with that. I tried to wash away some of the pain, and ache that seemed to be imbedded into my bones along with the hot water and soap. I scrubbed, and then scrubbed again, just to feel something other than that ache. Finally the water started to cool, and I turned off the faucets and got out.

 

I tip-toed down the hall with my bundle of clothes under my arm; I was trying to be as quiet as possible so I could slip back to bed without disturbing Erik. I saw another bottle of water and a chocolate pudding cup and a spoon. Looked like Erik was up and had changed his tactics, I couldn’t help but smile to myself at how thoughtful he was being – not pushing – not crowding – just letting me do this in my own time. I guess maybe I hadn’t been as quiet as I thought I was, or Erik knew me better than I than I gave him credit for. Besides, it was chocolate pudding after all.

 

After I finished my pudding, I padded down the hallway to the living room. I could hear the t.v. on softly with Erik stretched out on the couch snoring loudly. I’m not sure if he wasn’t playing opossum that night, and he swears he was asleep even though I still have my doubts. I padded back to the hall closet and pulled out a blanket – a soft blue velour one – that had actually been a gift from me when he moved into his house. I covered him up before grabbing more water and slipping back off to my room.

 

******

 

I woke a few hours later to the smell of coffee and the sounds of “Tell Me Something Good” softly floating through the house from a radio. I rubbed at my eyes and stretched. I rolled on to my side and finally looked at my watch that lay on the nightstand. It was just after 11am on a Sunday, and I had been sleeping for the better parts of the last four days.

 

Then I realized as I lay there listening to the birdsong outside and the odd bit a traffic down his street, that I was hungry. I hadn’t been hungry in more than a week, I’d figured based on the date. So I pushed out of bed, and shuffled to the bathroom to make myself presentable, or as presentable as I could be. And even though I still hurt, and I still felt raw, I hurt a little _less_ today.

 

I leaned against the door frame, and watched Erik shake his ass in time to the music as he poured a cup of coffee that smelled so good. That song bleed into “Benny and The Jets” and Erik kept groovin’ along, and I finally couldn’t resist.

 

“Are you sure you’re not a gay man?” I asked from the doorway.

 

He turned to look at me over his shoulder, and sniffed, “I knew the sounds of your tribe, and the smell of coffee would finally get you out of bed.”

 

I looked at him and said, “The sounds of my tribe?”

 

He nodded and handed me a coffee cup looking pleased with himself.

 

“You should be playing Melissa Etheridge or Ani DiFranco or even,” I shuddered, “The Indigo Girls. If we’re talking “my tribe”, but please don’t, really. I can go without for a while, okay?” I said as I sipped the hot brew.

 

I just looked at Erik for a moment processing what he had just said, and then I could help myself when I started laughing. I laughed so hard I started to cry, but it was good tears. I waved my hand at Erik and said, “Keep it up, and the P.C. Police will be here shortly."

 

“It’s good to see you, hon,” He said sincerely.

 

I put my cup down, and walked over and gave him a big hug. “Good to be seen,” I murmured into his chest. “What’s for breakfast?”

 

Yes, it was just coffee, but I was out of bed, and it was good to be seen again.

 

TBC…


	4. You Want Me To Do What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, beer, pizza and the ear of a good friend do the soul good. A broken heart too...

 

 

Over the next couple of weeks I didn’t do much of anything other than get my ass acquainted with Erik’s couch. I didn’t cry, I didn’t cut heads out of pictures or burn things. Erik helped me sort through everything I had in the U-Haul; pack up the reminders of all the things that hurt too much and put all into a storage unit.

 

After that I became a lump. I slouched around the house in sweatpants, bunny slippers, and my lovely snarky t-shirts that _so_ fit my mood, while I ate ice cream and Oreos most of my days. I didn’t go anywhere, I didn’t do anything, and I didn’t take any phone calls from anyone.

 

Only a few close friends even knew I was back in town and staying with Erik, much less why. So, I was pleasantly – in my opinion – making a cushion on Erik’s couch all my own. I watched far too much Oprah and Judge Judy. I hate Doctor Phil… smug bastard.

 

As I was enjoying my new found “lump-hood”, unbeknownst to me, Erik had taken it upon himself to sic my good friend Brenda on me. Let me tell you a little bit about Brenda. When I was first coming out, there was a bar called “The Penthouse” (we regulars loving referred to it as the “PH”), that from 1am-3am was all ages and you could go dance. It was your typical gay bar. Drag shows were done regularly, and one queen named Stephanie took me under her wing.

 

Well, I was not quite of age to drink, but after getting to know the guys at the door – via following in Stephanie’s swishing gait – they would let me in early so I could get my drink and dance on. One night after a few drinks, I decided I wanted to play pool, but there was only one pool table in the bar. I laid my quarters down cockily, and the next thing I know I’m faced with this linebacker of a woman – Brenda. She politely – that’s code for intimidating by the way – informed me I would have to play the winner for the table – her.

 

Now, let me just tell you I played pool maybe four times a year then, so Minnesota Fat’s I was _not_ – hell, I’m was not even qualified to carry his pool cue. Filled to the gills with artificial courage, I grinned up at her, ready to take her on. The “Pool Gods” smiled down on me. Brenda let me break out of the kindness of her own inebriated heart, and undoubtedly the security of her own prowess, and by miracle of miracles I sank the eight ball off the break.

 

It has _NEVER_ happened again. I’m also pretty sure it saved me from getting my ass handed to me by a very big, inebriated butch woman, and made me a friend in the process.

 

Ok, so now that we’ve made that little trip down memory lane, let me get back to Brenda showing up on Erik’s doorstep. With a twelve pack of beer, a “Big Red” (Canadian ham & tomatoes) pizza from Fargo’s, along with a very disapproving glare – directed at me. We sat on the couch, with Judge Judy on mute while we talked for a long time. Drinking beer and eating pizza, we skirted the very large pink elephant in the room.

 

Just what exactly was I going to do now?

 

Let me tell you a little more about Brenda, her father had owned a gallery in Manitou Springs where he made gorgeous – well pretty much anything. He did sculptures, and his medium was bronze. Some graced parks, some graced libraries and buildings downtown, homes – inside and out – for fun he even did what could be considered lawn ornaments with the scraps.

 

From a young age Brenda played in her Daddy’s workshop. She learned to cut, polish, prepare and even weld the metals. He was also quite prolific, and when he passed away Brenda had been left the gallery. Brenda herself never seemed to have a desire to create like her father, so she created a workspace to artists like him and did their grunt work – that she enjoyed. The physicality of it, the way the metal looked when it was polished like glass, etched, and so many other things – in her own way she does create art.

 

During the course of our beer and pizza bonding session, Brenda offered me job. A job working for her, as an assistant, I looked her like she was nuts. I’d cut and polish metal for the workshop, and do other odds and ends. I had no idea how to use a saw, much less a blowtorch and wasn’t exactly a weight lifter. Then I thought about it for a moment.

 

In Vegas I had dealt blackjack because it was more lucrative than a desk job and far less sleazy than the “gentleman’s” clubs. So why not make one more change? Why not turn my mind off, turn my pain off and just do? I’m a smart girl, and I can learn whatever I put my mind to. Let’s see if my body will do the same.

 

I looked at Brenda hard through slightly buzzed eyes. “I think you’ve had too much to drink, hon,” I said.

 

“Naw, I’m serious as a heart attack. I lost an assistant in the shop, so it’s not like I’m _just_ handing you a job out of the kindness of my heart. Besides, you need to get your ass off this couch. You also need a job. You’ll feel better once you’re out of the house, and then you can _really_ start to move on,” Brenda said sagely.

 

“But I like it here, Erik like’s me here. Besides, I pull my weight around here,” I pouted.

 

“So you like playing the “little missus”? When’s the wedding? Ordering out for food Erik can do on his own, hon. He’s a big boy. It’s not that he doesn’t love you and love having you here either. I just… it’s just…you need to feel strong again, stand on your own two feet. And it just so happens I can help you with that,” she said with a shrug.

 

I narrowed my eyes at her. “He put you up to this didn’t he?” I asked.

 

“I will neither confirm nor deny…” she began.

 

“Yeah, yeah,yeah,” I said as I got up and went into the kitchen.

 

I grabbed two more beers and another slice of pizza for myself. I stuffed the slice in my mouth as I carried in our beers, and handed one to Brenda. I began to pace as I chewed, turning over the offer in my head. I glanced at her every so often as I paced, and tried to look at the offer from multiple angles.

 

Ultimately, I knew she was right. I couldn’t stay with Erik forever, and I did need a job if I was ever going to get out of Erik’s guest room. I shoved the last of my slice in my mouth, and plopped down on the couch next to her.

 

“When do I start?”

 

 

TBC…


	5. Now I Know Why It’s called “Grunt” Work

 

 

I had been to the workspace at the gallery several times before, but strictly as a bystander just moving through, not staying for any real length of time. It was hot and noisy, and there was the distinct smell of gas blowtorches. It was early June and just starting to get warm, so the workspace was even warmer.

 

I standard beige cargo pants with a “wife beater” tank top underneath a light button-up shirt; Brenda had warned me to dress for heat, and to bring ear plugs for my first day. She started me off light for the first few weeks. I had to wear goggles just in case; I cleaned, and moved thin sheets of lightweight metal. I pushed around hand trucks and pallet jacks with scrap on it. While I started to become familiar with the tools like, the gas and oxygen pipes used for the highly volatile oxyacetylene torches, igniters and flashback arrestors, metal nibblers and shears. All these neat things that made chemistry class look like, well child’s play.

 

As the summer wore on I soon became able to cut the sheets to the artist’s specs. Some artists were very exact, and told you exactly what they needed; others would just come to you with a concept or a drawing. Those were the hardest to deal with because you had to work with them to sometimes bring someone’s idea to life in metal. I learned to polish and treat the metals; I even became adept with the blowtorches – after more than a few nasty owies.

 

Some of it was light, and like cutting really thick cardboard, while others required a lot of effort. Never having been an overly muscular girl, I started to gain a certain amount of definition and muscle to my thin form. Sweat, heat and heavy lifting will do that for a girl.

 

During the summer heat at the end of my day, I started going to the Colorado Custard Company for frozen custard. I tried all the mixes and flavors, but my favorite treat after work became the “Single Track” – peanut butter, a brownie and hot fudge mixed into the custard.

 

Then I’d walk down to the penny arcade and people watch while I ate. Sometimes after I was done, I’d actually go in and play some of the old video games. Pinball, Galaga, PacMan, Ms. PacMan and Centipede were some of my favorites to play. I’d watch kids press pennies into whatever designs they chose from the coin press machines, play skeet ball, air hockey, or whack-a-mole. The sounds of their laughter carrying all through the shops, and out into the breezeway between the shops; somehow it lifted my spirits to hear it.

 

Then I’d make my way back to my truck to head home feeling a little lighter, a little happier, a little more… _me_.

 

Maybe surprising most of all, I began to enjoy the work. It was therapeutic to sweat and help create someone else’s visions. To do something where I didn’t have to think – I could shut my mind and emotions down – but my precision was absolutely essential. Some of the pieces I never quite got, but then again artistically inclined I am not. Others though, I found really beautiful, and in a way felt a little bit of pride at even somehow having been able to be a small part of this thing of beauty. I also slowly began to learn why Brenda loved doing it, and I was beginning to love it too.

 

Sometime in late August I began to notice this little boy; I figured he was about seven or eight year’s old coming into the arcade regularly. He kept _beating_ my high score on Centipede. It became this strange obsessive competition; I would even come in on the weekends just to beat his high score. I’d stop in on Saturdays to beat the score of “CRM” and by Monday he had beaten mine. It was completely infuriating!

 

Now, I realize this was absolutely childish of me, but in a way it was kind of fun too. Knowing the arcade biggest clientele were children didn’t help, but I just couldn’t let myself be bested by some little _kid_ – it was against _all_ the rules – or at least all _my_ rules. I didn’t care that it was just a silly video game, I didn’t care that my “opponent” was more than likely in elementary school. I am the best dammit! Video games _are not_ exempt, end of story!

 

Then the inevitable happened.

 

We both showed up on a Saturday afternoon to outdo the latest high score. We each stood to one side of the machine like gunslingers. Our fingers twitched slightly, and we immediately knew who the other was. Our eyes narrowed slightly as we looked each other over carefully and then the little bastard smirked at me. I rolled my eyes, and knew it was on.

 

“Two players,” I challenged.

 

“Sure,” he smiled, with a merry little twinkle in his very blue eyes.

 

We loaded in our quarters, and then looked at each other. “Go ahead,” I told him, letting him go first.

 

I watched his eyes and hands dart smoothly over the controls, and couldn’t help but smile as he played with glee. He chewed on his lower lip, his brow crinkled in concentration, while his blonde bangs fell into his eyes. Honestly, he was just _absolutely_ adorable. When his turn was up he looked to me with this cute, shy grin that showed he was missing both of his front teeth.

 

I’m not sure just how long we played that day, but I’ll guarantee you I must have spent a good twenty-five to thirty dollars playing Centipede with him after his quarters ran out. The only reason we finally quit, was when a short blonde woman that looked _nothing_ like him showed up. He pointed to me excitedly, while he bounced up and down.

 

“Aunt Buffy, this is _RED_ , she’s the one I’ve been playing against!” he said pointing to me excitedly.

 

She laughed at his enthusiasm. “Well, who knew RED was gonna be an adult, and a _girl_ at that. Hi, I’m Buffy Summers, and this little rascal is Robby,” she said as she stuck out her hand.

 

I smiled and shook it. “Willow Rosenberg, nice to meet you, Buffy. So then what does CRM stand for?” I asked looking at Robby.

 

“Christopher Robin Maclay, that’s me, but everyone calls me Robby,” he said puffing out his chest a little. “My Tante really likes Winnie the Pooh, and she got to name me.”

 

I stuck my hand out to Robby too. “Well, it’s nice to finally meet the competition,” I said as we shook hands and I gave him a wink.

 

“Well, we should get going, Robby. We don’t want to be late, you know how your Tante gets when we’re late,” Buffy said.

 

“Can we play again, Willow?” Robby asked hopefully.

 

“Sure, I usually come in after work; I work up at the gallery. So any time we’re both here we can play,” I said with a smile. “I’ll see you later, Robby. Nice to meet you again, Buffy.” I said shaking her hand again.

 

Robby waved as he talked animatedly to Buffy’s, while they left the arcade. I turned heading the other way to get a “Single Track” custard before I left to head home. I smiled as I walked, pushing my hands into my pockets. What a funny Saturday afternoon it had turned out to be, and frozen custard was just the cherry on top of a highly enjoyable day.

 

TBC…


	6. Time To Leave The Nest

 

 

August quickly rolled into September, and then into October. The trees had lost most of their leaves, and a chill was in the air all the time now. The days were shorter, and as I left work the smell of wood smoke was often in the air. I love the smell of wood smoke; somehow I find it soothing like the far off whistle of a train or wind chimes while it rains.

 

I only saw Robby a couple of times a month after school started, but whenever we did see each other we played. I discovered he was really a sweet, bright kid that lived with his aunt. I assumed he and his aunt were somehow related to Buffy, since she was the only other person I ever saw with him during those first few months. I also learned that she could be found in the little antique shop that was across the breezeway from the arcade and practically looked into it.

 

Buffy never struck me as a girl that would be interested in antiques, but as I got to know her I found that it was her and her mother Joyce, that ran the little shop. They didn’t just showcase antiques, but also handmade jewelry from some of the local Native American artists, which sold quite well among the tourists and the more well-to-do residents. Large, chunky pieces in silver, heavy with turquoise or amethyst; they were beautiful for sure, but not my thing.

 

Buffy and I got to know each other over the months, and would even meet for lunch a couple of times a week. When I told her what I did at the gallery she laughed until she cried. She said she would never have imagined that I was one of the metal cutters that worked with some of the artists. I told her to be honest, I never would have guessed it either, but there I was.

 

Halloween rolled by and before I knew it Thanksgiving was happening. It made me realize that I had been back for almost six months. It also really drove home for me that there was no going back; it was really over between Kay and I. Five and a half years down the drain, and not even a friendship left. I wondered if there were others – if “he” was the first person she had cheated with. I knew I would never know for sure, but somehow I had a sinking feeling “he” wasn’t. Or maybe I just wanted to think the worst of her at the time.

 

I had managed to “catch” her with “him” in a very heavy petting session on our sofa. I was stunned to find my self proclaimed "lesbian" girlfriend with some guy’s tongue down her throat for sure; but I guess isn’t the _worst_ way I could have caught them together. However, I began to believe it was planned by Kay to happen that way. She was not one to do things without forethought, it was one of the reasons we got along so well – we were both long term thinkers. This gave her any easy out though, an easy way to call it quits. In retrospect, I almost felt sorry for “him”. What did “he” _really_ think was going to happen? If she _honestly_ only wanted “him” to have a child _and_ she would cheat after all the time we were together, what would stop her from doing it to “him”?

 

It left me with _so_ many doubts about what I thought had been the _“real”_ thing. “True Love” – did it really exist, the cynic in me asked? I thought I had found it, but apparently I was mistaken. Then I also realized I had never even heard her say “his” name; it made me wonder if she had she ever told “him” mine?

 

As I was watching Robby play, it hit me that I just didn’t really care anymore anyway. It was the past, _she_ was my past, and that was that. I had stopped wondering what _“I”_ could have done differently, the “if only’s” had stopped. I hadn’t cheated, I hadn’t misled her. I wasn’t perfect, but it was her actions and decisions that created the situation I then had to live with. And now I was starting to be okay with that.

 

I knew it would still be a sore spot for a while, but the scab was falling off. It would still be a tender, sore spot but that’s how those things go. The night I realized it, I called Erik and told him to meet me at a bar we went to not far from home. I had more than enough money and could have found a place long before then, but I needed him. The love and support that only a best friend can provide – unconditional, and sometimes fiercely protective affection that only comes from years of knowing someone, through thick and thin – bad relationships, bad decisions, and bad haircuts. But now it was time for the little bird that was me to leave Erik’s nest. I had to break it to him.

 

I was sitting at the bar and had just finished off my first drink when he came in. He plopped down on a stool next to me and I signaled to the bartender.

 

“Two more, Jameson, neat,” I said.

 

Erik looked at me and said, “Okay, so spill. You only drink Jameson when you’ve made a decision about something.”

 

I looked at him with a smile and shook my head. “What else do you see in your magic eight ball, o’ great one?”

 

He laughed as our drinks were set in front of us. He took a sip and just looked at me waiting calmly.

 

“Well, you’re right I have made a few decisions, but first I want to say thank you. Thank you for the roof over my head, thank for your love and support these last few months. I know I wasn’t always easy to be around. And just want to thank you for being you,” I said as I placed my hand on his. “The decision I’ve made is it’s time for me to move out. I make enough at the gallery to afford my own place, I have money saved anyway, and I realized today that I’m okay. I was in the arcade with Robby and we were playing Centipede when it hit me.”

 

Erik looked at me mischievously. “Okay, so you’re saying you came to this great epiphany while playing a video game, and by the way who is “Robbi” and why is this the first I’m hearing of her?”

 

I looked at him like he was the slow kid in calculus class before it hit me, and I started to giggle. “Robby’s eight, you goof.”

 

Erik’s eyes got big as saucers. “Will, that’s illegal – and when did you get into little kids – and not to mention way up there on the gross out factor, I mean…”

 

I held up my hand to cut him off. “Oh my god, you are so stupid! I can’t believe you even thought that! _Eww_! Okay, first I met him in the arcade trying to outdo my high score, and now we play video games together. His aunt works at the antique shop right across from it. And again I say _eww_!” I said slapping his arm.

 

He smiled knowingly, nodding his head. “Oh, his _aunt_ … so tell me about this cute little aunt of his.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “You are such a man sometimes. Buffy’s not my type, trust me and we’re just sort of friends I guess now. I think she’s straight anyway,” I took a sip of the whiskey, and then looked into the glass.

 

“I just realized some things while we were playing. I’m really okay; things with Kay are as they are, it all happened for a reason, you know?” I shrugged. “I’m ready to be on my own, have my own space. Maybe I’ll get a puppy or fish they’re lower maintenance.”

 

Erik put his arm around my shoulder. “If you’re ready, Will, then you’re ready, but you know you don’t have to rush, okay?”

 

I smiled and rested my head against his shoulder. “I know, and it’s not like I’m moving out tomorrow, but I feel like I’m _ready_ to start looking – start moving forward again. I just wanted you to know. You’re my best friend, and well, things were rough for a while with me and you kinda dropped everything to be there for me. I’m really grateful for that, you _know_ that, right?” I said as I looked up at him.

 

“Next round’s on me,” he said giving me a squeeze and kissing my temple affectionately.

 

I sat up and raised my glass smiling, “To moving on,” I said.

 

We clinked glasses together and shot back our drinks. The smooth, smoky, faintly sweet whiskey flowed easily down my throat, and started to warm my belly as it hit. I could feel my cheeks start to flush; the ever present knot that had taken up residency in my gut since I drove out of Las Vegas was finally gone. I started to really relax for the first time in months. I had things to look forward to now, not things to look back on in pain.

 

“So I guess I still can’t talk you into dinner with the folks for Thanksgiving?” He asked.

 

“Nope, it’s gonna be just me, the paper and a renter’s guide. I already bought a pumpkin pie and a t.v. dinner,” I smiled. “It’s living the bachelor life for me,” I winked at him, bumping my shoulder against his.

 

Here’s to moving on…

 

TBC…


	7. ‘Tis the Season…

Over the next three weeks I scanned the papers and renter’s guides and couldn’t find anything that screamed out “home”. On the weekends and in the evenings I must have dragged Erik all over the city looking at almost everything that must have been up for rent at the time. Duplexes, triplexes, fourplexes, townhouses, condos, sublets, guest houses, apartments; then I began to look to buy hoping to have better luck – less than a week before Christmas I still hadn’t found anything and I just wanted to _scream_!

Patience is _not_ my strong suit.

Buffy and I were at lunch two days before Christmas. We were sitting inside The Keg Bar and Grille. I had just polished off a huge buffalo burger, and was contemplating dessert while looking at my watch to see how much time I had before I had to be back at the gallery.

“So are you ready for Christmas?” Buffy asked. “Do you even celebrate, Will?”

I looked up at her from the menu. “This time of year is always a bit of a funny time for me. I don’t really celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah anymore either for that matter – not in the traditional senses anyway. My parents just send money, and the only people I really exchange gifts with are my close friends, so…” I shrugged. 

“Erik will be going to Denver to be with his folks, so we were going to exchange gifts before he leaves. Brenda’s holding an “every religion under the sun” type holiday party on Christmas Eve, but I thought I’d sit home and watch Charlie Brown in peace. What about you? Robby must be a handful to have under foot all the time right now, huh?” I asked as I ate the last of my fries.

“I think that child is part bloodhound! We have to hide his presents at the shop in the storage room every year or he finds them!” Buffy laughed. “Mom says I was just as bad as a kid, though. Tara and I don’t even bother to bring them home any more – all gifts go right to the shop so we can hide them away. Robby will be in later this afternoon to play in the arcade if your free, by the way.”

I smiled. “Sure, I’ll stop by after work. It’s slow right now, so I may even be able to cut out early. With only a few days left before the holidays no one is really working on anything much.”

“If you stay long enough, you might even get to finally meet Tara too, she’s going to pick us up,” Buffy said.

“Ahh yes, the wonderful and fabulous “Tante Tara”; how can such a bastion of wonderfulness ever live up to the tales?” I asked jokingly. “Robby adores you both, so I hear stories all the time. Sure, I can hang around; I don’t have any plans tonight.”

“Have you found a place yet?” Buffy asked with a smile, as she finished her soup.

I rolled my eyes, sighing heavily and began to whine about the lack of anything decent to rent or buy at that time of year fit for a rat to live in.

“I think I have the perfect solution for you, but let me make a phone call, okay? It’s not a place, but I think I know someone that can help,” Buffy said.

“Help? Like a roommate? Aww, thanks Buffy, but I really want a space of my own…” I tried to politely turn down the offer of help.

Buffy held up her hand, shaking her head. “No, no, not a roommate, look, come over for dinner tonight and I’ll take care of the rest. This will be perfect!” Her eyes twinkled merrily.

I looked at her a little surprised and unsure. “Uh, sure, okay.”

“Great! Robby will be so excited when I tell him you’re coming over,” Buffy said with a wide grin and signaled for the check.

 

******

 

I walked into the shop a little after 3:30pm that afternoon, and a bell over the door rung out cheerily. Buffy came from behind a door that said “Employees Only” smiling brightly. When she saw it was me, she looked at her watch in surprise.

“You’re here early,” she said.

I shrugged. “Not a lot to do, so Brenda sent everyone home early. We had only two people come in today, and they didn’t even make a mess.”

“Well, you’re timing is perfect Robby should be here any minute,” she said. “You can come back here with me; I was just going over some of the shipping orders. You know the fun stuff.” Buffy rolled her eyes. I followed her through the door into an office that had two desks in it; Buffy’s desk was covered in little piles of what looked like packing slips, and the other desk had several unopened boxes on it.

We chatted while she separated the sheets out into piles before her, and before long the bell clanged again. Before we could leave the office, Robby came bursting in chattering away to someone behind him which happened to be Joyce.

“Well, hello, Willow. It’s nice to see you again,” Joyce greeted me with a smile.

“Will is gonna come over for dinner tonight. She’s still looking for a place and I have an idea of someone that might help, okay?” Buffy said as looked up from the sheets she was sorting through.

“Sure, one more won’t hurt,” Joyce said.

“Yay!” Robby shouted as he dropped a backpack, then a hat and mittens around the office, which was quickly getting crowded. 

So I stood and held out my hand. “You, little man, are coming with me. We have a date with a “Centipede” machine!”

Robby started to pull me towards the door giggling. “How long do I have Aunt Buffy?” He asked as we went.

“Tara will be here at 5:30pm, so you have to be back by then,” Buffy looked up and smiled at us.

Robby’s eyes got big. “C’mon, Willow, we have to hurry,” he said.

I laughed and waved goodbye as we rushed out and over to the arcade. Robby went over to the machine while I got some quarters, and when I came back he was steadily loading quarters into the machine.

“Whoa, little man!” I said. “How much have you already put in?”

He thought for a few minutes before answering. “I brought a roll of quarters from home… so a lot.” He said with a smile as he held up an almost empty clear plastic sleeve.

I laughed, shaking my head. “Okay, let’s start with that and see how far we get. You wanna go first?”

“Nah, I went first last time, you go first this time,” he said. “I can’t believe you’re coming over for dinner, we’ll have so much fun. I have a PlayStation and we can play more games when we get home, if you want.”

“Sure, what games have you got?” I asked.

Robby continued to talk while I played, telling me all about his games. Back and forth we played, the time passing quickly. The alarm on my watched chirped at five minutes before Tara was due to arrive.

“We have five minutes left, buddy,” I said as Robby played.

“Okay,” Robby replied, his tongue sticking through the gap where his two front teeth were starting to come in at, and I smiled down at him. “Yes!” he said but it came out sounding more like “yeth” as he lisped around his missing teeth, “I beat you, Willow!” He smiled triumphantly.

“This time, little man, this time,” I said grinning back at him and tousled his hair. “Let’s go, your Tante should be here soon to pick you up, if she isn’t here already.”

His little hand slipped into to mine as we walked through the arcade and out into the breezeway. It was dark already, and the cold was setting in. Snow was wrapped around some of the pillars and patches of ice were easy to see on the cement.

We walked into the shop, the bell jingling once again. Buffy was leaning over one of the counters talking to a woman a little shorter than me, with honey blonde hair a shade or two darker than Robby’s. They both turned to look at us as we came in.

“Tante!” Robby exclaimed letting go of my hand and charging the young woman.

I noticed her eyes were the same striking blue as Robby’s as she swept him in for a hug. When she looked back to me and smiled, I saw Robby’s shy crooked smile too. She was absolutely lovely. She was standing with her hands in the pockets of a three quarter length dark dress winter coat that was over a cobalt blue sweater that brought out her eyes, making them dance and heather grey wool slacks. I couldn’t seem to stop staring at her, and clasped my hands nervously in front of me.

Robby turned, taking my hand and pulled me over. “Tante, this is RED, well, Willow, ‘member I told you all about the “Centipede” game? We play in the arcade together now,” he said smiling.

“Yes, I do _remember_ ,” Tara corrected gently as she stroked his hair. “I’ve heard all about your video game prowess for months now.” She teased me smiling.

I smiled and stuck my hand out. “Hi, I’m Willow, nice to meet you.”

“Hi, Willow, I’m Tara,” Tara said as she took my hand.

It started out as a simple handshake, but soon we stood holding hands, just staring into each other’s eyes. We weren’t really shaking hands anymore, just gazing at one another. It was the oddest thing, her hand was warm and soft, and fit mine so well, but her eyes just had me mesmerized. Deep pools of gorgeous blue and I wanted to dive right in.

“Tante, Willow’s coming over for dinner, Aunt Buffy said so, right Aunt Buffy?” Robby said watching us.

“Sure did,” Buffy replied as she watched us stare.

“Really?” Tara asked absently as we still held hands, her thumb had started to stroke the back of my hand.

“Yeah, so you guys can hold hands there too,” he said giggling mischievously.

“What?” I said coming back to myself, and dropped her hand but I couldn’t drop her gaze, even as I started to blush. “Oh, yeah, dinner, coming, me. Yes! Buffy asked. I answered. You and I’ll be coming. I mean I’m coming, coming over for dinner, nothing else, just a friendly meal among friends… and I’ll shut up now,” I babbled while my blush deepened.

Tara cocked her head to one side as she listened to me babble while smiling at me as we continued to watch one another. “Great,” she said, her eyes sparkle.

Buffy smirked, as she watched us. “Why don’t you ride with Willow, Tara? I’ll take your car and Robby can go with me. That way she won’t get lost.” She began pushing Tara and I to the door, and Robby had already disappeared giggling. “Don’t worry; I have my keys, you two run along, we’ll be right behind you, promise.”

I looked at Buffy like a dear in headlights. I had not planned for this. Tara certainly was… something, that was for sure, and oh, boy was I in trouble. Then there we stood outside the shop with the door being locked on us by a smiling Buffy.

“Real subtle, Buff,” I muttered. I turned to Tara and said nervously, “I ah, I work at the gallery, so I’m parked a few blocks away, do you mind walking? Or I could hurry and meet you on the street.” 

“Not at all, lead the way,” Tara said. “And yeah, Buffy is a subtle as a brick to the head.” 

We were walking quickly up the block to the gallery, and I watched as Tara’s cheeks became rosy from the cold. I pointed to the stair that led up to a parking lot to our right. I noticed during our walk she was in heels, so I let her go ahead of me up the stairs in case she slipped… and I also got to view her from behind… watch her hips sway beneath her coat… 

There are some perks to being chivalrous.

Mine was the only vehicle left in the lot. I led her over, and opened the door for her and making sure she was situated safely before I ran around to my side of the truck. I jumped in and started it up. We kind of leaned into one another in the cold cab of my truck, waiting while it warmed up. Our breath fogged up the windows as we sat and shivered against the chill.

“Ready?” I asked with my hand on the heat controls, knowing there would be a rush of icy air first Tara nodded. “Don’t worry, she warms up fast,” I said as we were blasted with cold air for a few minutes.

I pulled out to the lots entrance and looked at Tara, waiting for direction. My breath caught and I couldn’t seem to stop staring. Tara’s eyes twinkled in half light, and her skin was luminous, with the flush from the cold still visible. Images of different types of blushes on Tara’s skin started to dance in my mind’s eye in naughty, naughty ways. I had to shake my head and swallow hard to get myself under control, what was my problem? It’s not like I had never been in the company of a pretty woman before.

“Uh, Tara?” I asked softly, just becoming aware that she was staring also.

“Yes, Willow?”

“Which way do I go?”

“What?” Tara asked.

I cleared my throat. “Which way, to your house? Which way do I go?”

“Oh!” Tara laughed then looked around to see where we were. Giving me directions, we set off into the cold night, and I was so thankful to have to focus on something other than Tara.

“So you work in the gallery?” Tara asked.

“Mmmhmm,” I murmured as looked over at her briefly.

“Are you an artist? What do you do?” She asked.

I smiled. “You’re going to laugh when I tell you.”

“Why?” 

“Because I’m a metal cutter for some of the artists,” I said. “I do some welding too.”

“Why is that funny?” Tara asked.

I looked over at her again. “Buffy laughed herself almost sick when I told her. I guess I don’t seem butch enough or something, I dunno.”

“Ahh. Do you like it?” she asked seriously.

“Yes, yes I do actually,” I said. 

“Tell me more about you,” Tara asked softly. I looked at her again quickly as I drove. Her soft smile and those eyes…

My immediate response was to shut down. My jaw clenched; I could feel the muscle jump as I grit my teeth. “What would you like to know, Tara?” I asked softly, staring at the road as I pulled up to a stoplight. Clenching the steering wheel with one hand, the other curled into a fist resting against my thigh.

Then I felt her warm hand on mine again, she squeezed my hand to catch my eye. “We can just sit if you’d rather, we don’t have to talk.” 

“No, really you can ask, besides we’ll be in The Springs soon, so you’ll have to tell me where to go again,” I said as the light changed color.

“Okay,” Tara said and continued to hold my hand. Other than directions she never asked anything during our ride, but she never let go of my hand either.

 

TBC…


	8. All I Want For Christmas Is…

We pulled up in front of a two story Sacramento Bungalow style house; the walkway shoveled clean leading to a few steps and onto a porch facing a cheery red door with a wreath hung on it. The last of the day light had faded away during our short ride, and as we sat gorgeous Christmas lights around the house lit up. I watched Tara smile at the lights shining merrily before she gave my hand a quick squeeze, and then she started to remove her seat belt.

I turned my truck off, and sat for a moment after Tara had gotten out, making her way gracefully up the walk. I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened during the drive, but it felt like something had. No more words had been spoken, but _“something”_ was pinging through me in a way I hadn’t felt in a _very_ long time. Tara turned around when she reached the door realizing I hadn’t followed her and waved to get my attention. The movement pulled me from my musings, so I quickly hopped out and scurried up the sidewalk. As I hit the first step I slipped on a patch of ice. My arms windmilled wildly as I tried desperately to regain my balance and over compensated.

Needless to say “grace” is _not_ one of my strong suits.

I landed on my ass with a thud and groan. I sat there on the cold cement while the pain ricocheted up my spine, my eyes squeezed shut tight. Tara was right by my side; hand on my arm, to help me. With a few deep breaths, and Tara’s help I slowly got to my knees; both my ass and my pride equally wounded. I looked bashfully into her face, and found her biting her lower lip. I could tell she was in equally concerned and trying not to laugh.

“I’m so glad my pain amuses you, missy,” I said as I stood bending forward at the waist slightly holding my sore derrière with both hands. I knew it was kind of funny, and I’m sure it was until I actually landed, even if the pain was at my own expense. “Go ahead and laugh, I know you want to. I would.” I said with as much of a shrug as I could manage while rubbing my rear end gingerly with my hands.

“Are you okay, Will?” she asked, the mirth in her eyes making them dance.

“I am embarrassed on _so many_ levels at this moment, but I’ll be fine, thank you,” I said trying to muster some shred of any dignity I had left as I stood up straight while making faces – that’s what finally made her laugh.

Her laugh… I instantly loved the sound. It was joyful and honest. I continued to make faces and various funny groans trying to keep her laughing – I couldn’t seem to help myself.

She quickly let us into the house, and then put our coats in a closet left of a staircase, before she helped me limp over to one of two warm chocolate brown sofas. With a sweet smile and the offer of a hot drink, Tara disappeared, leaving me momentarily to my own devices. The sofa I had sunk cautiously back into faced a television while its mate faced the wall and a fireplace.

As warmth took the chill off, of course my nose started to run. Fortunately, there was a box of tissues on one of the end tables, so I snagged a few and blew my nose. After my performance on the front steps, I didn’t want to add “snot-nosed” along with “klutz” as one more great feature on my list of ever growing appealing qualities. Vaguely, in the back of my mind I wasn’t sure _why_ I cared so much what Tara thought of me, and why I wanted to make a good impression on her, but there it was none the less.

The smell of cooking food began to waft in to me, as I looked around the living room. I noticed pictures hung on the wall, and above a fireplace that dominated one complete wall. They were all family pictures. I could see pictures of younger incarnations of Tara, Joyce and Buffy. One in particular of a younger Joyce with her arm around another woman whose hair was a shade of dirty blonde that could be light brown or blonde depending on the light, both of them mugging for the camera. 

The woman looked suspiciously like an older version of Tara. A sweet capture of the woman, a young Tara, a slightly older boy with dark strawberry blonde hair all lying under the shade of a tree sleeping. One child laid in each of her arms that were wrapped protectively around them as they slept. Another picture of an older incarnation of Tara and same young man now dressed in a cap and gown; Tara’s arms around one of his affectionately. All three shared the same captivating blue eyes that Robby had. 

One photo spoke to me though. It was of Tara feeding an infant in a rocking chair, rays of sunlight pouring in over her shoulders making her glow angelically as she held the bottle, and a gentle smile on her face. More pictures of the infant in Tara’s arms that I assumed to be Robby and of a toddler taking wobbly steps to Joyce crouched down with arms open wearing a glorious smile.

I also noticed that at some point the young man and the woman I had dubbed – at least to myself – “Tara’s Mom”, had stopped showing up. The pictures of Joyce, Buffy, Tara and Robby grew more plentiful and they moved off the mantle to stream down onto a bookshelf that faced me as I sat in the living room.

I sat quietly trying to piece together this little family, when I in a flurry of sliding socks and blonde hair, Robby careened onto the couch breathlessly. He had an armful of video games and was smiling as he dropped them into my lap. I grinned right back and reach out to pull him closer to me.

“So what have we got here, buddy?” I asked.

Getting up on his knees next to me he began to show me Sonic the Hedgehog, Zak Zero, Journey, Sly 2 and of course Centipede along with seven or eight others. He reeled off bits about each of the games and which ones he liked best. We were just about to decide on one, when Tara came in and handed me a mug of hot coffee.

“I took a guess as to how you like your coffee, but if I was wrong tell me,” she said.

I took a taste, and it was perfect, without thinking I said, “Nope, you got it spot on. Sweet and creamy, just like I like my wo…” I stopped myself as I turned beet red and looked quickly over at Robby, who was now setting up his game console and had missed the whole thing. “ _Coffee_ , it’s just how I like my coffee.” I said as I glanced briefly up at Tara who was smirking.

“Mmmhmm,” she murmured looking at me, eyebrow quirked. “Supper will be ready soon, I hope you’re… _hungry_.”

“Uh, yeah… _starving_ ,” I held her eyes this time, and for some reason it seemed like everything coming out of my mouth was just… _bad_ – our banter had somehow gotten suggestive, laced with innuendo and flirty but I knew – _knew_ she was flirting back. The words weren’t inherently _bad_ in and of themselves, and I didn’t know if I was reading more into things or not. I had only just met her, so maybe I was the one with a dirty mind, and maybe doing just a little bit of wishful thinking. 

“I bet,” Tara said looking quite smug, gazing back at me even though she spoke to Robby. “Don’t get too caught up little man, we’ll be eating soon, okay?” 

Robby looked up with a smile. “Okay, Tante, can we play one game?”

“I think you have time,” she said indulgently.

I finally gathered some of my wits and asked, “Uh, is there anything I can help with? Robby and I could play later if you would like some help.”

With her eyes twinkling mischievously, Tara looked over at me. “No, you can stay here and play with Robby. Work on that appetite, and you know, loosen up your hands.”

I tried not to spit out the coffee I had in my mouth. Now I was pretty sure it wasn’t just me and my gutterbrain. I had thought maybe there was still a chance I was taking things the wrong way. Then I heard her laugh as she went down the hall; I grinned – it wasn’t just me after all.

 

******

 

“Aw, no way man!” Robby yelled and started swatting at my controller.

“No fair!” I cackled rolling onto my side off the throw pillow I was sitting on and out of his reach, as I moved Sonic through the level to collect another series of rings. “You’re cheating!” I laughed.

Buffy walked in and cleared her throat. I looked up at her as Robby succeeded in wrestling my controller away. Buffy smiled down at us both, and rested her hands on her hips.

“Guess I should’ve warned you he cheats,” she said.

“So I see,” I said and rolled back tickling him to take back my controller. “Two can play that game!” 

Robby laughed as I tickled him and tried to squirm away slipping on the hardwood floor. “Nooo!” I grabbed his foot, and wrapped my arm around his ankle holding his foot in place and tickling it mercilessly. “Aunt Buffy help!” he squealed.

“Supper’s ready, guys. That’s all the help you get, little man. Go wash your hands,” Buffy told us, watching us with a smile.

I let Robby’s foot go, and as he scrabbled on the floor I slid him on his stomach around me so he faced towards the hall. He giggled the whole time and so did I; Robby was a good kid and I genuinely liked him, so playing with him was always a pleasure. Going to home with them was a new facet to the relationship I had built with both him and Buffy, but I was enjoying myself. The flirting that had happened with Tara wasn’t hurting things either.

Robby hopped up and went sliding down the hall, his laughter bouncing off the walls. I still sat on the floor, smiling myself as I looked up at Buffy. She offered me a hand to get up that I gratefully took. Pushing my hair away from my face, she looked down at my feet. Following her line of sight I did too, while sitting on the floor with Robby I had taken off my work boots to be more comfortable.

“Nice socks, Will,” Buffy snorted.

“What’s wrong with my socks?” I asked defensively. “They’re great, and they make me happy.” I said wiggling my toes; both socks were black one had multi-colors stars on them and the other multi-colored dots.

“But don’t socks usually match?”

“Well normally, but these don’t. When you buy them, they come in sets of three each different. I got stars, stripes and dots.” I grinned and wiggled my toes again. 

“You’re kidding me,” Buffy said suspiciously.

“Nope, I got them at Disney World. I did buy another set, so I guess I could match them up but where’s the fun in that?” I asked.

Buffy shook her head and giggled. She led me down a short hallway, and I could hear Tara and Joyce along with Robby’s giggles as we got closer to the dining room. I could hear glasses and silverware clinking. I pointed off to a bathroom as we passed it.

“Let me wash my hands too, and I’ll be right in,” I said.

Buffy nodded. “The dining room is just down to your right, can’t miss it.”

“Gotcha,” I replied slipping through the door.

When I turned on the light and looked in the mirror I was absolutely horrified by what I saw. My hair was sticking up in several places from where Robby and I had been wrestling around on the floor, and my face was flushed. Turning on the faucet, I quickly splashed cold water against my cheeks in an effort to try to cool them down. Then I went after my hair, I couldn’t believe Buffy hadn’t said anything hair but managed to comment on my socks. If I hadn’t wanted to wash my hands I would have gone to supper looking like a nut case.

After taking care of my hair among other things, I emerged from the bathroom and headed down the hall. I could easily have followed the scent of food even if Buffy hadn’t told me where to go. When I came in Robby was already seated, and Buffy and Tara were coming in with steaming dishes of food. A bowl of green beans were already on the table along with what looked like a cheese sauce; I could tell there was something else in it just not what. Buffy had mashed potatoes and Tara was carrying a platter with friend chicken on it.

The wonderful smells hit my nose as I stood in the entrance, and of course my stomach let out the mother of all rumbles just as Joyce followed the girls in with glasses. Well there went my hopes of not being red in the face when I came to the dinner table; Robby began giggling behind a hand while I blushed profusely. I shoved my hands nervously in my pockets wishing I could just sink into the floor. 

“Sounds like someone brought an appetite,” Joyce said teasingly. 

I’m pretty sure even the tips of my ears didn’t escape the blush at that point, and I was wondering how quickly I could grab my shoes and get out the door and just how rude would that be. Buffy came to my rescue – sort of.

“Well, I’ve had lunch with our littler welder over there, and I’ve seen her eat. You’d think she hasn’t eaten in a week, and that’s on a daily basis.” Buffy said with a wink.

“Gee, thanks Buff,” I muttered.

“I’m here for ya, Will.” Buffy smirked.

“You can sit next to Robby, Willow,” Joyce said. “What would you like to drink? We have soda, milk, juice…”

“Umm, soda would be good,” I said still feeling embarrassed.

“I’ll be right back, dear,” Joyce replied as she moved back into the kitchen.

Tara sat opposite me, Buffy across from Robby and Joyce at the head of the table once we all sat down. This suited me fine, because then I could steal glances at Tara while we ate. Robby handed Joyce his plate and she quickly put a spoonful from all of the bowls and a drumstick on it for him. The dishes had already started to move around the table, making their way back to her.

I was staring into the bowl of what looked like cheese sauce and wasn’t sure what to do with it. It seemed a little out of place with everything else on the table. No one was using it to cover the mashed potatoes or the green beans, but everyone had some, so I was a bit at a loss. I looked up, and Tara was watching me as I started to pass the bowl off to Joyce. 

“Nope, you get some too,” Tara said chuckling.

I cleared my throat, and asked as politely as I could. “Uh, what is it?”

“Broccoli in a double cheese sauce, it’s the only way the little man will eat it,” Tara answered.

“Oh,” I said and took a small spoonful before passing the bowl over to Joyce. Then I leaned over to Robby conspiratorially and whispered loudly, “I’m with you, buddy. If you’ve got to eat the little green trees at least hide them in something good.”

Robby smiled, nodding. “The cheese makes them taste better, then I don’t have to see them either.”

“Good plan,” I nodded sagely, giving him a wink.

Everyone had started to eat, and Robby and I looked at each other then scooped some of the broccoli and cheese up and took a mouthful. We chewed quickly and made faces at each other as we hurriedly ate that first, then started on our green beans, working our way around our plates.

“You’re as bad as he is, Willow,” Tara commented.

I looked over and almost all of his mashed potatoes were gone too. Now he was alternating between bites of his drumstick and the potatoes. I had heard from Buffy how hard it was to get him to eat sometimes no matter what was cooked, or what they tried to use to entice him to eat. To say he was a “picky” eater was being nice. For a bright little boy he had a few issues, I didn’t know what caused them, but I wanted to help.

I looked her in the eye and replied smugly. “May be, but he’s eaten almost everything on his plate.”

I saw her eyes flicker over to his plate as he asked Joyce for more potatoes and the other drumstick. Buffy smirked behind her fork and Joyce was smiling too.

“You want more, Willow?” Robby asked as he bit into his second drumstick.

“Sure, buddy. What piece should I have?” I asked smiling at the little boy, then taking the breast he pointed out for me. “That’s my favorite piece, too, thanks.”

From the corner of my eye I noticed that Tara rested her chin on her hand watching Robby and I intently while we ate and talked. With a shake of her head, she went back to eating her own dinner. There were stolen glances with Tara, along with the polite adult conversation around the table as well during the meal, but it felt like she was trying to read my... intent maybe? I explained in a little more detail what I did at the gallery. I even went so far as to mention two pieces of art that had been well received recently at a showing that I had helped with proudly.

As the meal wound down, Robby started to slump back in his chair and rub his tummy. I watched him for a moment then leaned over and whispered in his ear. He smiled, nodded his head then excused himself from the table to disappear up stairs.

The other women around the table were looking at me curiously, obviously wondering what I had said to Robby. I blushed again before wiping my mouth and clearing my throat. I looked around the table, and spoke softly in case Robby had come back down.

“Umm, I hope I haven’t overstepped my bounds, but Buffy and I talk about Robby all the time. He’s a great little boy, and I love spending time with him. So I know a little bit about him, you know, getting him to eat, and some of his other problems. I just promised him if he brushed his teeth and got his pajamas on I’d play one more game with him before I went home. I’m just trying to help, really,” I said holding my breath.

All three looked at each other, Joyce and Buffy just shrugged, noncommittally, but Tara narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me.

“What’s in it for you?” she asked all traces the humor we had shared earlier was gone from her voice.

“Huh?” I asked dumbly.

“What do _you_ get out of it, Willow?” she asked again.

“Um… nothing,” I replied softly, as I held her gaze.

“Tara, I’ve seen Will with Robby, she’s great with him. He likes her, and he trusts her,” Buffy commented on my behalf. 

“Everybody wants something, Willow,” Tara said shooting a pointed look at Buffy as she rose, taking her plate and one of the bowls from the table.

I looked at Buffy and Joyce, and knew immediately I had overstepped myself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, it wasn’t my place. I’m _so_ sorry. I just knew it was going to be his bedtime soon, and we had been having such a good time this evening, so I thought if I could help… I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have… I wo-won’t do it again, I swear.”

Joyce finally spoke. “You’ll have to forgive Tara; she’s very… protective when it comes to Robby. We all are, but Willow, I agree with Buffy. I know you only meant well, and I’ve watched you with Robby. Just give Tara time to catch up and what we see, okay?”

I nodded and swallowed hard. All of a sudden I felt like I was going to cry, I knew I had mucked things up royally. I had to figure out how to fix it, how to fix things with Tara. I wanted fun, flirty Tara back. The evening had started off so well only to go screamingly down in flames. Tara came back in, collecting Robby’s empty plate and glass without so as much a glance at me.

I sighed heavily, and put my head in my hands.

Robby came sliding back in on his socks dressed in blue pajama’s with rockets on them. I lifted my head to smile brightly at him. I didn’t want the little boy to know anything was wrong, or to think he had somehow done something wrong by going along with my suggestions. This was all my doing; it was my fault, not his.

 

******

 

We went sliding on our socks back up the hallway and back to the video game console for more rounds of Sonic. Buffy and Joyce joined us, we chatted while Robby and I played. After forty-five minutes of conversation and watching us play, Joyce said her good nights and went upstairs. Buffy joined in the game and the three of us played for maybe a half hour or so more. 

Buffy and I chatted while we played, and I was taking my turn when Robby rolled over and laid his head in my lap. I bit my lip and looked at Buffy. I didn’t know what to do, and at this point I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or not. If Tara saw, I wasn’t sure what her reaction would be. Buffy just smiled, covering him with a throw blanket and soon he was a sleep.

We had stopped playing, and having the well polished wood floors came in handy. I could slide Robby and I back against one of the sofa’s so I could lean against it without waking him. Buffy and I sat talking and I asked Buffy what was her plan to help me find a place of my own.

“Oh, the plan is Tara. She works with the HUD homes program for the city,” Buffy said.

“Aren’t those low income houses, though? I’m not exactly low income,” I replied, gently stroking Robby’s head that was still resting in my lap.

“Not all the houses are low income, or in neighborhoods that are being revitalized,” Tara answered as she came in the living room and sat on the sofa across from me. Her face was unreadable as she looked at Robby sleeping on me, and then continued, “Some are bank foreclosures or repossessions. Some are condos and towne houses, but they aren’t listed with normal realtors because we deal with the government.”

“Oh. I had no idea it covered that much,” I said.

“There are requirements for the HUD homes, but the foreclosures and repossessions work a little differently. I can get some listings for you if you like.” Tara’s voice had softened and had less of the hard edge it had gotten at the end of dinner. 

“Sure, that would be great. I think I’ve looked at everything else in town.” I tried to smile.

“I can bring them home and give them to Buffy to give to you,” Tara said as she nodded, but she still wouldn’t look at me directly. 

Standing she said, “I should take him upstairs.” 

My heart sank a little at hearing this – it was she obviously didn’t want to see me. If she was going to just pass the list off to Buffy that would remove any further need for her to see me. Her words made me incredibly sad. I knew I had just met her, I knew I shouldn’t be that upset by the prospect of not seeing her again, but I was. I thought something had begun between us, and now… well maybe things would be better this way.

Buffy jumped up, trying to help in her own way. “Nope, I got it. Take a load off, Tara; I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Subtle, Buff,” I said softly.

Buffy winked at me as she gently lifted Robby from my lap. I couldn’t help smiling at the little sleeping figure that had been such a whirlwind of energy just a few hours before. I eased up onto the sofa as my rear was still a bit tender, and all the sitting on the floor hadn’t helped. Putting my hurt feelings aside I immediately grabbed for my boots and started to put them on. I thought it would just be best, not make things any more uncomfortable than they had to be.

“Willow…” Tara started softly.

I looked up at her – she finally looked at me – and held my hands up. “No, I get it, Tara, it’s okay. I know you don’t know me, and I made a mistake.” I finished putting my boots on and started lacing them up. I could see Tara stand and start pacing a little from the corner of my eye. 

Once they were laced up I got up and went to the closet to retrieve my coat, then I shrugged it on. I felt like a fool; I wanted out of the house and out from under Tara’s gaze as quickly as I could without appearing to be completely rude. I got it, she kinda went all “momma bear” on me, and that was okay. I really did understand her point of view even if I didn’t know the whole story. I didn’t have to – Robby was hers and important to her – I would be protective of him too.

I had already moved towards the door when I Tara finally spoke again. 

“Willow, stop.”

I stood facing the door with my head down. I didn’t want to make things worse, so I just stayed still. I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning me around. I still didn’t look up; it just seemed like if I looked into her wonderful blue eyes again that would make it all the worse that I had messed things up.

“Willow, Robby’s life hasn’t been easy, and yes, I’m protective of my little guy. I have to be, I’m all the family he’s got. I know there’s a lot you don’t know too, but my nephew means the world to me, and I just don’t want to see him hurt. You’re an adult and he’s not, there are things he doesn’t understand. Friends are hard for him, you know?” Tara said, her voice quiet but full of emotion.

“Tara, I get it – I do, and I know how this must have looked to you. But I met a little boy who needed a friend when I didn’t even know I needed one too. We play together, we’re goofy, and we have fun. We eat frozen custard together and play video games. I know he has some problems, and that I don’t know the full extent, but that’s okay too. I don’t need to; I can see how special he is, and how well loved he is. I don’t want anything pervy, or gross, and I don’t expect anything from anyone for being his friend. I would never do anything to hurt Robby, and in the process of meeting him I’ve met Buffy and Joyce, who are really great too. That’s all, Tara… that’s all it is.” I said in a rush.

I had been speaking to my shoes, and I finally looked up at her. Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “Good night, Tara. I’ll get that listing from Buffy, thanks for that.”

I turned on my heel, opened the door and walked out into the cold winter night. The knot in my stomach had morphed into a lump in my throat. I made my way carefully down the slippery steps this time, and by the time I reached my truck tears were rolling down my cheeks. I felt a sense of loss I didn’t quite get, and I wasn’t sure if it was over Robby or Tara.

I drove home that night with teary eyes and a heavy heart. When I got home I went directly to my room and crawled into bed. For the first time in a long time I felt almost as bad as I had when I got back from Las Vegas.

 

TBC…


	9. Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Sleep was hit or miss that night after I left Buffy’s – I don’t think what I did would even actually qualify as sleeping. I spent more time tossing and turning, only to stare at the ceiling than actually sleeping. Just before six, I crawled out of bed so I could shuffle down the hall and into the bathroom. The made the water a little hotter than normal to help ease some of the tension that had seeped into my body during the night and to try to clear some of the cobwebs hiding in my mind.

As I stood under the shower head I thought even more. I realized as I scrubbed the shampoo through over my scalp one of the reasons I felt so bad was because I was embarrassed. I mean, how would _I_ feel if a complete stranger came into where I work and started telling me how to do my job? It wasn’t quite the same, but the principal was. I had invaded not just her living space, but I had tried to usurp her position in the hierarchy in her home.

The neon sign of understanding that read “DUH”, flickered on above my head, and shampoo ran into my eyes. Well… it served me right, but now I got it. The situation would have been completely different if Tara hadn’t been there and it had been just the four of us. Buffy and Joyce knew me and weren’t threatened by me. Ah, but Tara… well, I had really put my foot in it, and not in a good way.

All of these thoughts swirled in my soggy mind as I dried off and dressed for the day. I wandered into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee; I knew Erik would be leaving today to go see his parents for the holiday. I decided to scramble some eggs, and at the last minute bacon sounded good too, so it went in a pan to get crispy. I knew the smell of coffee would bring Erik out of bed, and I made sure I had enough eggs to cook some for him when he came down. After pour some eggs into the hot skillet, I set the bowl in the fridge to wait.

I had just put food on my plate and poured a cup of coffee when he staggered in stretching and rubbing his eyes. At least he wasn’t scratching “unmentionable” places. That I can _always_ do without baring witness to; but he is a guy and it’s inevitable even if he was pretty good about not subjecting me to the horror of it regularly.

“Morning,” I said.

“Mmornn,” he yawned.

“Hungry?” I asked as I watched him bump into the counter by the coffee pot.

“Yeah…hungry…coffee,” he mumbled.

I chuckled and pulled the eggs from the fridge, and relit the burner. “Here, have my plate,” I said as I slid my plate towards him. “You have to get your own coffee, though.”

“Thanks, Will. You’re the best.” Erik smiled at me before he moved to stared sleepily into the cabinet looking for a coffee mug.

“They’re in the dishwasher, I ran it yesterday morning before work,” I shook my head. “Are you sure you’re not hung over or something? Maybe coming down with, oh I don’t know some sort of brain ailment that’s making you act like you need a padded helmet?” I asked suspiciously.

“Hmmm? Yeah, I’m up. No hangover, no helmet, I promise,” He mumbled as he took his first sips of hot coffee. “Ahh, now that’s good stuff.”

With the pan hot I poured the eggs in, munching on a piece of bacon while I waited. Erik picked up his plate, and then shuffled over to the kitchen table. I stirred my eggs watching Erik with amusement as he took the pot of coffee to the table and downed his coffee while crumbling the bacon over his eggs.

I joined Erik on the other side of the table, and we ate in companionable silence. The sky was grey and covered in full fluffy clouds. It had started to snow lightly as finished eating and sipped at our coffee. The street and yard slowly became dusted with a thin layer of pearly white snow as we sat watching. Erik topped off his own cup then without thinking reached over to do the same for me emptying the pot.

“What time are you leaving for your parents?” I asked softly.

He looked at the clock on the microwave. “Well, now we know the roads will be wet, and I still have to shower and throw some clothes together. Probably in a couple of hours; that way I don’t have to speed to be there for dinner. What are your plans for the day?”

“I think I’ll go into work for a while. Brenda’s throwing this universal holiday party later this today, so I’ll keep myself busy then just come home.” I shrugged. 

He nodded. “Sure you don’t want to come with, Will?”

I smiled. “Nope, I’m good. Really. I have a date with Charlie Brown and The Grinch. So would you like your present now?”

“Ooo, gifties. You know how I love a good gift, or any kind for that matter.” Erik said his eyes sparkling like a child’s.

“You sound like a girl.” I laughed. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” I said as I skipped out of the kitchen and up to my room. I heard Erik come up the stairs after me and waited for a moment in my room.

We met in the hallway, and handed each other a prettily wrapped gift. His was long and slim, and mine had two boxes. One was large and deep with another slim box on top. We giggled and went downstairs to sit next to one another on the couch. 

“You first! Open it, open it!” I urged him bouncing and poking him in the ribs.

“Alright already! Stop with the poking!” He laughed and squirmed away from me. 

He made short work of ripping into the paper and opened the long velvet case. We had done some windows shopping while we out house/apartment/whatever hunting for me, when he saw this watch and he practically drooled over it every time. After the last time we saw it I decided to go after work and get it for him. He just stared for a moment at the watch, then turned and pulled me into his lap and a rib crushing hug. 

“Will, you’re the best! How did you remember?” He asked.

“Air, please,” I wheezed until he let me go some. “Well, it could have been the trails of drool you left behind you every time you saw it that gave it away,” I giggled. “After the last time we were in Old Colorado City, I went back for it the next day. I did good?” I asked playfully.

“You did good,” He said and gave me another squeeze. “Open yours.”

I moved off of his lap, and leaned up against the arm of the sofa, curling one leg underneath me. I pulled the two boxes apart, and shook one then the other. The slim box didn’t make much of a sound but I could tell there was something in it, and the larger box rattled. I opened the slim box first, and when I pulled the lid off, a gorgeous deep forest green silk scarf lay there neatly folded in front of me.

“Oh, Erik,” I whispered as I took it carefully out of the box. “It’s beautiful.” I rubbed it gently against my cheek, grinning. I hung the scarf around my neck and went for the larger box. As I pulled off the paper I could see that the box was gold, and when I got the top clear I could see “Godiva” imprinted on it. I laughed loudly.

“Silk and expensive chocolates? You really know how to treat a girl!” I laughed and pulled him close for another hug and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, I love it!”

“Me too, I love the watch. I got a gorgeous thing for a gorgeous thing and something decadent to keep you company since you’ll be alone for Christmas. You didn’t celebrate Hanukkah this year, so I thought you deserved it. But I’ll be back for New Years and we can paint the town red.” He said with a goofy grin.

“Deal,” I agreed giving him a one-armed hug before I got up. “I’m going to put these away, and then I’m going to go into work. Be careful, and call me when you get there, okay?”

“You got it, hon.” He said with a smile, then stood up. “I think I hear a shower calling my name. Have fun at your party, too.”

“Yeah, it should be interesting. It is Brenda after all,” I laughed. “I’m a little scared of what she has planned.”

“You should be.” Erik snickered as he went up the stairs.

 

******

 

I watched my breath swirl in front of me as I got into my truck, then drove to the nearest Starbucks™ drive thru; ordering my favorite extra large, triple shot mocha and to be festive I had a shot of peppermint added before heading in to work. Since it was Christmas Eve, and I “technically” didn’t “have” to go into work at all that day. I really wasn’t looking forward to the forced joviality of the chrismannukasolstice party later but, I knew there was no way out of it without really hurting Brenda’s feelings. Besides I was in the need of some of the mindless activity that only work could provide.

When I got to the gallery not a soul was around, as I expected and hoped for. Over the months I had earned myself a set of keys to the building. I let myself in and turned on the heat in the workshop, before walking right into the workshop. I put in my ear buds and began to work. I had some sheets I could cut for a few of the artists so they would be ready when they came back after the holidays. With music pouring in through my ears, I got my torch going. Then I spent the next several hours cutting sheet metal and pipes to specs, all the while losing myself in the heat and drumbeats.

I decided to do pieces that were often requested by the artists next. I had bent two dozen slim pieces into pigtails, and was well into an even thirty spirals when Brenda tapped me on the shoulder. I must have jumped a good foot off the ground squealing. She was also lucky that at this point I had enough experience under my belt not to turn on her with the torch going. That would not have been pretty…or pleasant to smell.

“What the _hell_ , Brenda? I could have hurt you!” I yelped.

“What are you doing here, Will?” Brenda asked.

“What does it look like? I’m working,” I huffed.

Brenda just looked at me like I had grown a horn in the middle of my forehead. “And you’re here working because…”

I set the torch aside, and pulled my gloves off. “Because there was work I could do, and I needed something to occupy my mind and time. I know I don’t have to be here, but you didn’t say I couldn’t be either, so I came in this morning.” I rushed out in one breath, tapping my gloves nervously against my leg.

Brenda cocked her head to one side as she studied me. “What’s up with you, Will?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, I just have a lot on my mind and wanted to work. It helps me sort through thing, you know? I use the mindless repetition and when I come back to whatever it is, everything seems clearer.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.

I just nodded and started to slip my heavy gloves back on.

“Uh, I don’t think so,” Brenda said. “If you’re here, I’ll put you to work decorating. Maybe that will put you in the holiday spirit.” She smiled.

“Oh, noo…can’t I just work here in the shop?” I groaned as I put my torch down and pulled my gloves off again. “You really don’t want me to help you decorate, I suck at it. Besides, hey, Jewish here! I don’t really do the whole Christmas decorating thing.”

Brenda laughed, and for some reason it sounded faintly sinister. “Oh, Willow, Willow. I will direct, and you will hang. All you have to do is follow my instructions, and hey, no thinking for you! Mindless, just like you wanted.”

“Fine, you win, boss. But if you think I’m dressing like an elf, you’re out of your mind.” I answered.

 

******

 

Just after two o’clock I hung the last decoration while Brenda finished the last bits of lights on the gorgeous Colorado Blue Spruce tree that must have been a good twelve feet tall. The lovely silvery needles reflected the gentle pulsing of the white lights along with the glass decorations neatly woven throughout its branches. Brenda had also placed scented candles around the gallery that were waiting to be lit.

I plopped down in a chair across from the tree and watched Brenda circle it checking for holes in her decorations. I looked at the lengths of popcorn strung on thread that I had hung, little dancing reindeer, snowmen, menorahs, dreidels, candy canes, two Yule logs, mistletoe in four places. And I began to wonder just how long Brenda had been working on all of this, since I was fairly sure Brenda had lost her cotton-pickin’ mind as I looked around.

“You could go light the candles,” Brenda said as she continued to circle the tree.

“With what? A blow torch?” I snickered.

“Ha ,ha, laughing girl. Keep it up, I _do_ have an elf costume around here _somewhere_ from last year,” she huffed.

“You wouldn’t _dare_ ,” I said eyeing her warily.

“Aww, c’mon, Will. Tis’ the season, after all,” Brenda said stopping to look at me and smile.

“And again with the Jewish over here,” I said. “If you try to get me in an elf suit, I am _soo_ out of here. You don’t pay me enough to put one on.”

Brenda laughed, and pulled a lighter out of her pocket and threw it at me. I ducked as it flew over my shoulder, skittering along the floor when it landed.

“Hey, now! You’ve got me climbing things, and now you’re throwing stuff at me! I want hazard pay for this!” I groused as I got up and had to crawl under a table after the lighter. “I’m delicate, you know.”

Apparently Brenda found that statement quite the riot. She laughed for the next fifteen minutes until she was in tears. I stood in front of her with my arms crossed over my chest and scowled at her while she howled in delight.

“What is it with everyone today? Have you started hitting the nog already? It’s a little early even for you, Bren,” I snarked.

“Keep it up, I see pointy shoes with little bells on them in your future,” she threatened again.

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered walking towards the first candle. I shot her a look over my shoulder as she went back to circling the tree and now humming Christmas carols.

I shuddered a bit; because honestly, I was a little worried she might be serious about that damn elf costume.

I stayed in Brenda’s good graces, and avoided the elf suit that somehow did manage to make an appearance. Once I saw it I relaxed, it would _never_ have fit me, and it was Brenda sized. I think she must have been snorting mistletoe mixed with candy canes; that outfit was truly a sight to behold, and one that has scarred my fragile little mind, I’m sure of it.

 

******

 

The party was still going strong when I slipped out to head home. The moon had been full a few days prior; and while it wasn’t completely full anymore it was still large and a gorgeous shade of pale yellow against the inky night sky. I was just at the door of my truck when I heard the sound of bells. I stopped and rested my head against the cold glass before I turned around. There stood Brenda in all her elfin glory, hands on her hips, one belled foot tapping in annoyance.

“You were going to just slip out?” Brenda asked sounding hurt.

“Bren, I’m not sneaking away. You were busy, and I’m tired. It’s time for me to go home,” I said.

“You could have said goodbye, Will. I thought you were enjoying yourself.” Brenda said softly.

“I did, I was. I just…” I shrugged.

“You know you don’t have to be alone, right?” she asked. 

I walked over and gave her a hug. “I’m okay, I promise. I was your willing holiday minion most of the day after several hours in the shop. I’m just tired I swear. Make someone else help you clean up.” I smiled.

“As long as you’re okay, then I’m okay,” She replied.

“I am. Go on with bad elf self,” I sad laughing. “Besides, we’re on for New Year’s. It’ll be the three of us, and we’ll have a blast.” 

Brenda giggled and nodded, bells jingled with her movements and I stifle my own giggle. She pulled out a candy cane from I’m not sure where, and offered it to me. I took it with a smile, and gently tapped her on the nose with it.

“Get back to your party, Santa’s little helper,” I said and pushed her back towards the door. “Night, Bren.”

“Night, Will. Be careful.” She called over her shoulder, the sounds of her bells echoing in the chilly night air.

 

******

 

I walked to back to my truck and didn’t even wait for it to warm up before I pulled out to head home. It was still relatively early when I got home. The house was cold and dark when I walked in, so my first stop was the thermostat to turn it up and take the chill out of the air.

I turned on the light in the living room before I went upstairs to change. I sat on my bed and put my phone on the charger and saw a text from Erik telling me he was safe in Denver and his parents sent their love. I also saw that I had missed a call from Buffy earlier in the day. She hadn’t left a message, so I just left my phone beside my bed.

I trotted down the stairs in flannel pajama bottoms, a raggedy old sweatshirt, and fuzzy socks. I flopped down on the couch and put my feet up before I turned on the television. I laid there and caught the tail end of the Snow Miser/Heat Miser’s song in “The Year without Santa Claus”.

I was debating on whether or not to make popcorn when there was a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I didn’t think it would be anyone for Erik either. I left the chain on the door and opened it enough to peek out.

“Hi, umm, can I come in?”

I closed the door, resting my hand against it flummoxed. Then it hit me that there was still someone standing on the other side of my front door. Quickly removing the chain I jerked the door open again.

“Tara?”

 

TBC…


	10. 'Twas The Night Before Christmas

“Hi, Willow,” Tara said softly, her breath plumed out in front of her.

 

“What… what are you doing here? I mean, how did you even know where _here_ was?” I asked as I leaned against the door.

 

A gust of cold night air ruffled Tara’s hair, washing the scent of her perfume all over me, a light clean scent, but one that seemed to suit her. The cold air wasn’t the only thing that took my breath away, and made me realize I was standing in pajamas in my doorway making us both freeze. I stepped backwards and waved Tara inside; I had to push the door hard against the gust of cold air that followed Tara in.

 

“Um, come in, have a seat. I was going to make some hot coco, would you like some?” I asked as I turned the volume down on the television.

 

“Sure, that would be great.” Tara stood looking around the living room.

 

“Here, let me take your coat.” I said leading her over to the sofa. “Sit down and snuggle under this, it’s already warm.” I wrapped the blanket I had been under over her lap and up to her shoulders.

 

Tara let me fuss over her, and when I looked up I could see her amusement. I let the blanket drop around her, blushing, and hurried off into the kitchen. I went through the familiar motions of making hot coco; easily moving around the kitchen as my mind wandered. To say I was surprised to see Tara would have been putting it mildly after our conversation the night before; my mind raced while I tried to figure out why Tara had shown up, and why she had gone to the trouble to find out where I live.

 

“You can change the channel if you want, Tara. I’ll just be a few minutes longer,” I called out as the milk started to simmer. Adding the coco powder, I stirred it in slowly along with a few dashes of cinnamon. The rich aroma of the warming chocolate and spice was soothing, as was the familiar motions.

 

Carefully I filled the mugs to almost full, and then pulled out a bag of marshmallows. I dropped two in each mug and waited for them to start to melt a little before I sprinkled them with a little more cinnamon – hot coco à la Willow. With a deep breath, and an extra marshmallow to munch on for courage, I moved carefully towards the living room with the steaming cups.

 

I stopped for a moment in the doorway to watch Tara. She was sitting quietly smiling at whatever was on the television, and had taken her shoes off and had the blankets wrapped around her feet. My head swam for a moment looking at her there; she looked so at ease and so…gorgeous. Like she belonged right where she was – wrapped up in my blanket and waiting just for me; my heart leapt at the crazy notion that she could be mine. 

 

She turned to see me standing there and smiled; calmly I walked all the way in and offered her a mug. I sat opposite of her in a large recliner, curling my legs beneath me. At this point it was her show; she obviously took the time to find me, so I sipped my coco and waited patiently.

 

******

 

Tara hadn't changed the channel, and I knew she hadn’t come over just to sit and watch old children’s Christmas shows with me, so I was a bit surprised when that was exactly what we did. The one had I had been watching ended and was followed by another, and we sat for the next hour sipping our coco and watching “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”. 

 

As the credits ran I turned to her – the waiting had been killing me – and I finally spoke. “Tara, it’s not that I don’t enjoy your company, it’s quite enjoyable really, but why did you come here tonight? I don’t think tales of my wonderful coco have reached you and now you just had to have some for yourself... Tara, you made yourself pretty clear last night that you weren’t too pleased with me.”

 

“That’s just it, Willow. I want to apologize for the way I behaved last night. I should have shown a little more faith in Buffy and Joyce’s discretion. You’ve even become Buffy’s friend, and I treated you badly. That’s not who I am,” Tara spoke softly, still holding tightly to her empty mug.

 

“Okay, apology accepted,” I replied readily as I stood up. “Would you like some more coco?”

 

Tara looked up at me with surprise written on her face for a moment before smiling, I don’t think she thought it would that simple. Maybe she didn’t think that I would be so willing to accept her apology, and under other circumstances with someone else maybe I wouldn’t have been, but this was Tara. She was special, I knew that even then. Besides I wanted her in my life, plain and simple. 

 

With a nod of her head she said, “I really like the cinnamon.” She smiled shyly as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

 

******

 

I was standing with my back against the counter waiting for more milk to warm, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Squeaking I jumped a little since I had started to kind of zone out; I blinked at Tara a few times before smiling.

 

“Hey,” I said and looked over at the warming milk. “Coco will be ready in few minutes, are you okay?”

 

Smiling, Tara chuckled. “Yes, I am. Willow, I did come here for a reason tonight.”

 

“I _as_ kind of wondering about that. How did you even find me?” I asked.

 

“Umm, can I plead the fifth and answer that later?” Tara asked as she blushed.

 

I raised an eyebrow, my curiosity was really going into overdrive at her words, but I thought I’d leave it and hopefully use it as a bargaining chip for some other secret later, fair is fair after all. “I’ll let it slide for now, but don’t think I’ll forget about it.” I moved to the stove to finish making coco.

 

“Fair enough,” She agreed. “Can I help?”

 

“Umm, hand me the cinnamon?” I asked turning slightly towards her, holding my hand out. She passed me the tin canister of cinnamon powder and our fingers touched. We froze gazing at one another, and that spark, that _something_ passed between us again and both of us blushed. “Thanks.” I said softly.

 

******

 

With fresh steaming mugs in our hands, I led us back into the living room. This time she sat at one end of the sofa and I at the other, so we could face one another. Blowing on my coco, I waited for Tara to speak. I watched her wrap long, graceful fingers around the porcelain mug and I began to imagine what fingers would feel like against mine, as she stared into her mug and I waited yet again that night.

 

“I guess I should start at the beginning,” Tara sighed; she placed her coco on the coffee table and settled under her end of the blanket before picking up to continue.

 

“Yes, that’s generally a good place,” I said gently with a smile, and pulled my end of the blanket over my legs; settling in to listen.

 

“Robby is my nephew, he’s my brother’s son,” Tara said softly, stopping to take a sip of coco. “I’ve raised Robby with Joyce and Buffy’s help since he was a year old.”

 

“Can I ask questions as we go?” I asked.

 

“Sure,” Tara agreed. “I know I would have questions, and it’s Robby’s and my life.”

 

“Okay, so where are your brother and Robby’s mom?” I asked cautiously. 

 

“I don’t know where his mom, Sherri is. The last time I saw her was the day she dropped Robby off to spend the day with me so she could run errands. Obviously, she never came back for him,” Tara said swirling her coco in her mug.

 

“Donny – that’s my brother – he joined the Army after he graduated high school. Donny and Sherri had dated on and off during high school, they were a year ahead of me. They were “off” again when Donny left for boot camp, but when he came back on leave before he got his first post they got married. He got lucky; he was able to get stationed back here at Fort Carson. They had a little apartment on the south side of town near the base. It was cute – tiny – but they were newlyweds, you know?” Tara shrugged. “They had been married for a little over a year when Sherri got pregnant.”

 

“That was a good thing, right? A happy thing?” I asked hopefully.

 

“It was… at first. Sherri seemed so happy; and it seemed like an easy pregnancy. She didn’t have a lot of morning sickness, she and the baby both seemed healthy throughout. She even seemed to breeze through delivering him. Robby was a healthy baby, almost eight pounds.” Tara reminisced.

 

“But?” I could hear the ‘but’ in her voice.

 

Tara nodded. “But Robby was what they call a “floppy baby”. He was late to walk and talk; he rarely cried, and for a while we all thought he might even be deaf. This was hard on Sherri, harder than we all thought, I guess. The military doctors had no answers and couldn’t tell her what was wrong with Robby. Sherri slowly stated to change,” Tara’s eyes grew sad, and her tone flat as she spoke. “Then she started disappearing. Donny would come home, she’d be gone and Robby would be there by himself.”

 

“Oh no,” I whispered.

 

Tara took a deep breath and continued. “I was in my senior year by then, and Donny asked if I would go to their place after school to check on Sherri and Robby – more to make sure Robby was okay if Sherri had vanished. This went on for months, I really don’t know all of the details, but I do know Donny thought she was cheating on him. He never had any proof, though. It was like she vanished into thin air, and she never would explain where she had been either.” Tara looked at me and I could see the pain in her eyes. 

 

Taking a sip of her coco, she went on. “This continued until Donny got orders to go overseas on a remote tour of duty. I don’t know how much you know about the military, but that meant he couldn’t take Sherri and Robby, and he couldn’t refuse. His orders were for eighteen months at Wiesbaden Army Base in Germany. Donny hadn’t even been gone three weeks when Sherri left Robby with me…he’s been with me ever since.” 

 

“But where’s Donny, why didn’t he come back after his tour of duty?” I asked as I set my empty mug aside.

 

With a sad smile Tara said softly, “He did come back, he’s in Evergreen Cemetery.”

 

“Oh… oh,” I expected something bad – I mean he’s nowhere to be seen and Robby has never mentioned his dad – but not that. “How?”

 

“Something simple, really,” Tara drank the last of the cold coco in her cup. “Appendicitis of all things; it ruptured before it was removed, and it just snowballed from there. He never even left the hospital, Will, he never even left...” Tara slowly turned the mug in her hands. 

 

We sat quietly, it seemed like it would be rude to interrupt immediately. All these questions sprung into my mind – ‘Where’s _your_ parents, and why didn’t they help? How did Buffy and Joyce get involved? What have you given up to do this? Are you happy? You were just a kid; did you ever consider maybe not doing it?’ I knew they would simply have to wait. They weren’t exactly the kinds of things you ask about immediately, things you kind of have to build up to because they are very personal. So I started with something easier and kind of an obvious question.

 

“I know you said Sherri just left Robby with you, but how have you managed to keep him? I mean the legalities of it all… especially with school, doctors and everything else,” I asked.

 

“Donny, and the Army,” Tara said.

 

“Uh, huh?” I was confused. “Elaborate please?”

 

Tara smiled genuinely. “The Army encourages anyone being shipped overseas to make a Living Will before they go as a precaution. Things were already so bad with Sherri; I was Donny’s logical choice. I was given power of attorney and guardianship per Donny’s wishes in his will,” Tara said. “Sherri could have fought me, but didn’t. Now, I’ve adopted Robby, so legally he’s mine.”

 

“Wow, this is just… intense. Was it drugs? With his mom, I mean? What about her family? Did they try to step in?”

 

“If it was, she never left any traces behind. She never had that ‘junkie look’, she never acted like one.” Tara answered. “It didn’t seem like she got caught up that way, you know? It more like she just… checked out… stopped caring. Maybe all of the care Robby needed as an infant and a toddler were too much for her, I just don’t know, Will,” Tara paused shaking her head. “That’s what I don’t get – how she could just walk away from him like that…” she trailed off sadly. “Sherri’s family wasn’t involved. All I know is they left after she graduated high school and she stayed here. When I filed adoption papers the lawyers tried to find Sherri, so they tracked down her family and they didn’t even know about Robby or Donny. They hadn’t heard from her, but it didn’t seem like they had tried hard to find her either.”

 

“Was it maybe postpartum?” I asked, trying to wrap my mind around why Sherri would just take off.

 

“I really don’t know, Will. I wish I did sometimes; then again it doesn’t really matter. Not anymore, in all the ways that matter Robby’s is mine. I fight for him, I love him, and I take care of him. I read bedtime stories, chase boogie men, kiss ouchies. He knows I’m his aunt and that while I may not have given birth to him, I don’t think he cares; in the big ways the ways that count, I am his mom.” Tara shrugged.

 

“So… you were what, all of nineteen when all of this happened?” I asked as things started to click in my head.

 

Tara smiled. “Twenty, I did wait though, for a couple of years too,” sadness crept into her voice and around her eyes as she spoke. “I thought maybe Sherri would come back – that she would _want_ to be a mom to Robby. I thought maybe she would finally contact her family and find out about Donny, and that it would make a difference or something. I finally pushed things along when he was three. At that point I felt I was being realistic, and she wasn’t ever coming back. I wasn’t going to hold my breath; I was just going to give Robby the best life I could.”

 

I nodded in silent agreement; if I had been in her shoes I like to think that I would have done the same things, the right things for Robby, at that point. “I have more questions, and if I ask something you don’t want to tell me, just say so, okay? I’m beginning to see where this is a… special situation, and some of it, maybe a lot of it, is none of my business.”

 

“Explain Robby for me. I’ve seen him use these small brushes, and Buffy explained that he sometimes gets overloaded and they help him. I also know he has issues with tastes and textures; and that his sleep is disrupted often. I never asked Buffy for detail, I figured if she wanted me to know, she’d tell me. But now it seems that you’ll be the one to tell me,” I said smiling, trying to lighten an emotionally charged conversation.

 

Tara smiled in return. “Yes, it would. That is kind of by agreement; we decided that in trying to give Robby a normal childhood we don’t constantly talk about it. We treat him like any other kid in as much as we can, we don’t want him to feel like this limits him. Maybe that’s wrong, because it does, but I still want him to dream that he can do whatever he puts his mind to – that this is just a side note and not an insurmountable aspect of his life.” When Tara looked at me I could see all the hope she held for Robby. Her eyes shown and face was full of love – just like any parents would be when they dream of their child’s future.

 

“Tara, I don’t think it’s wrong. I mean, I after spending time with him I noticed little things, but when I’m with him I don’t make a big deal about them. He’s just another ten year old little boy to me. Kids all have their quirks, his might be a little more permanent or severe in some cases, but you guys have given him that. He has a normal childhood, at least from what I can tell, and I know I haven’t known him for long, but he’s my ‘Little Buddy’.” I shrugged.

 

Tara’s smile was blinding, and I knew I had said the right things. I wasn’t saying them to make her feel good either, I meant them. Putting his quirks aside, Robby was a good kid. Polite, respectful – still mischievous like kids are – but better behaved than a lot of the “normal” kids I’ve met.

 

“Okay, back to your questions. Well, we spent years trying to get Robby help. Will, there were so many doctors and so many ‘almost’ diagnoses before we actually found out what it was and could begin to help him. Robby was finally diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. Have you ever heard of that?” Tara asked.

 

“No, not at all,” I said honestly.

 

We shuffled a little to get more comfortable on the sofa. We both now had our feet up and Tara’s were sticking out of the blanket next to me. I covered them to keep them warm, and absently began to rub them. I don’t know why I started doing what could be considered to be an intimate gesture, but I knew that our conversation had been a deep one, and I wanted to reassure her in some way that everything was okay.

 

“Well, let me shorthand this for you. You know how your nervous system categorizes the messages it receives from your senses so it can respond to them correctly, right?” Tara looked at me and I nodded. “Okay, well Robby’s doesn’t. It’s not just taste and smell it’s also motor skills and a whole host of other things.”

 

“So this isn’t something that will every go away, is it?” I surmised.

 

“No, it can get better, we _can_ treat the symptoms and he’ll be able to have a fairly normal life. He probably won’t ever drive a car, but that’s due to hand eye coordination issues that are affected by this. He’ll probably never go to a rock concert either, it would be too much and he’d overload. This get’s mistaken for High Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome a lot, sometimes even ADHD, because these kids seem to have behavioral problems. God Will, I’ve done so much reading, and therapy sessions with Robby that I could probably spout facts at you for the next month!” Tara tried to laugh, but it fell flat

 

“Okay, I’ve heard of those, and this sensory disorder isn’t any of them?” I looked at Tara for confirmation. “So does Robby have problems with school? I mean, I can’t imagine that it’s easy for him if he gets overloaded and needs to use his brushes. I can only imagine what other kids are like, sometimes without meaning to be they can be really cruel.”

 

Tara smiled wistfully. “They can, and it’s hard to explain to a kid in a way that they understand completely too. It was almost easier when he was younger, because the other kids looked at sort of like a game, but as he gets older it becomes more of an oddity.”

 

“I bet,” I said softly, my heart breaking for my young friend at the thought of him being ridiculed for something he has no control over.

 

“We’ve been lucky though, I found a small charter school. It has small classes; no more than a fifteen kids to a grade, before and after care and some of it is even self-paced. So where Robby excels he can really go for it and where he doesn’t he can get all the help he needs without feeling left behind. Some of the grades are combined and taught by the same teachers, so it works really well. We all work together for Robby, and so far with only a few minor hiccups we’ve been lucky.”

 

“If Robby ever needs any help outside of school, I’d be glad to help him. I’m good with math and sciences, and I’ve tutored before,” I offered without hesitating. 

 

“Thanks,” Tara smiled again, but this time it was that sweet lopsided smile that set my stomach fluttering. “I’ll let him know. Willow, you’ve become important to the three most important people in my life. Most importantly, you’re important to Robby. Now it’s my turn to get to know you, and I’d really like that,” she said with a hopeful look on her face.

 

I had been rubbing Tara’s feet the whole time, and now she reached for mine. We sat rubbing each other’s feet. I felt giddy like I had too much sugar and caffeine all at once. I also noticed she had started to call me “Will” while we talked, and that had added a whole other layer to of giddy goodness. I could feel the big grin that was now plastered across my face. I knew more about Robby, and Tara had been the one to come to me and let me in. I took the proverbial olive branch I was being offered gladly. 

 

“Me too,” I said switching feet again.

 

“Excellent! So what are your plans for tomorrow?” she asked.

 

“I have none. I was going to watch all the Christmas carton that are on, and glut myself on the Godiva truffles Eric got me Christmas.” I replied.

 

Tara stopped the motion of her hands briefly, and I saw something flicker over her features. “Eric?”

 

“Mmmhmm, this is his house. We’ve been best friends for like ever, and when I came back from Vegas I moved in with him. This is part of way I’m now in the market for a place of my own, it’s time to leave the nest, and be a big girl.” I said with a giggle.

 

“Ahh. Well, at the risk of being pushy, you now have plans and a little boy that would be very disappointed if you don’t come for dinner,” she said, then moaned softly. “Right there feels so good.”

 

I’m fairly sure I started to sweat; I swallowed and tried to keep things light. “We can’t have that, now can we?” I replied grinning broadly, and continued to work the knot I could feel in the arch of her foot that caused her to moan. God help me I wanted desperately to know what other spots would make her moan like that. “If I press to hard let me know, ‘kay?”

 

“Oh, I'll let you know,” Tara said with a wink.

 

We sat and talked about ourselves, getting to know one another. Time seemed to fly by as we shared stories, and laughed with one another. Conversation was so easy, and flowed so naturally between us. Eventually we fell asleep curled up on the sofa, bellies full of chocolate and cinnamon, and weights lifted off our shoulders.

 

It was the best night’s sleep I had gotten in my life to that point.

 

TBC…


	11. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

When I woke up it on the couch all the lights in the living room still cast a warm glow. I looked around trying to clear the sleep from my mind; I then realized I had my arms wrapped around a pair of legs I was holding firmly to my chest. I gently released the limbs in my arms so I could sit up. It was at this point I realized I was partially pinned between Tara’s sleeping body and the back of the couch. I didn’t really mind to be honest.  
  
  
I leaned up on my forearm for several long moments so I could watch Tara sleep; I couldn’t help myself. Her lips were parted slightly, and her face relaxed; she looked simply angelic to me. I was struck by how young she looked, too. Much younger than her twenty-nine years, and that deceptive youthfulness seemed so diametrically opposed to the capable, strong-willed woman I had spent all of last night talking with.  
  
  
I had to admit, I was also a little bit in awe of her; maybe “awe” isn’t the right word, but she had definitely earned my respect. The “bastion of wonderful” that is “Tante Tara” had surprisingly lived up to the hype. I giggled quietly as the conversation I had with Buffy came back to mind. So did the teasing I had given her about all of the wonderful things she always had to say about Tara, and along with Robby’s obvious adoration of his aunt, I thought she was just too good to be true. It was then that I realized after our long night of conversation, that I had joined the Tara fan club too, and I’d happily start making up the buttons.  
  
  
I sighed and very gently eased myself out from under Tara; she murmured something but remained asleep. I padded quietly into the kitchen to look at the clock on the microwave; it was quarter after four. It was still early, or late depending on how you decided to look at it, and I thought I should wake Tara. She could still get home hopefully before Robby woke to open presents.  
  
  
I knew I had accepted the invitation to join them for dinner, but it also occurred to me that I had no gifts. I had to think of something quickly; I couldn’t just go empty handed. What in the world would be open on Christmas day? I began to make some coffee to help me think; I couldn’t send Tara out in the wee hours, in the cold and half asleep. I stood and watched the dark liquid pool in the carafe; enjoy the smell as it started to fill the kitchen.  
  
  
I went back in the living room and knelt by Tara’s side. I felt my heart clench as I watched her sleep; I barely knew Tara, but I knew what was happening. I sighed again, annoyed with myself for behaving like a schoolgirl with a crush. I gently shook her shoulder, trying to ease her out of sleep.  
  
  
“Tara,” I said softly, and brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. “Tara, wake up.”  
  
  
“I’m up,” she said with a bit of a start. She looked around the living room; I could tell she was a little confused about her surroundings.  
  
  
“Tara, it’s okay, we fell asleep,” I kept my voice gentle and even.  
  
  
“Right, right,” Tara said as she rubbed her right eye. “Oh no, what time is it?”  
  
  
“Not quite four thirty,” I said. “Would you like some coffee? I made some just in case.”  
  
  
I stood up and she sat up and began to pull her shoes on. “Yeah, that would be great.”  
  
  
“Come in the kitchen when you’re ready,” I said, giving her some time to pull herself together.  
  
  
I stirred some hazelnut creamer into my coffee, staring out the kitchen window into the stillness of the night. I noticed something from the corner of my eye flutter by the window as Tara walked in looking adorably sleep mussed and rumpled from sleeping on my couch.  
  
  
“Hazelnut?” I asked.  
  
  
“Mmm…yes please,” Tara replied and then yawned.  
  
  
I just handed her my cup and poured another for myself. The fluttering outside the windows caught my attention again, so I walked over to look out. Large, graceful flakes of snow were falling steadily, and it was really starting to stick. As we watched the snow fall it seemed to glow, and I was struck by how gorgeous it was against the backdrop of the inky night.  
  
  
“Oh my,” I muttered. “It looks like we’re in for a white Christmas.”  
  
  
Tara had joined me by the window. She rested one of her hands on my lower back as we watched. My skin tingled pleasantly under the warmth of her touch. “Well, crap,” she groaned. “That’s going to be a nightmare to drive in.”  
  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll take you home. I have four-wheel drive and chains on my tires. You can pick your car after they plow the streets. I’d rather you were safe, and there’s no way you can’t be there when Robby gets up. Finish your coffee and we’ll go, okay?” I said firmly.  
  
  
“Willow, you don’t have to…” Tara started to argue.  
  
  
I held my hand up cutting her off. “No arguments. You’ll be safer, and I’ll feel better. Then we can enjoy our Christmas.”  
  
  
With a smile, I left Tara to her coffee, and I walked back to my room to get dressed. I came back into the kitchen pulling on a thick sweater. Tara was sitting at the table watching the snow fall. I took down two travel mugs and poured more coffee for us both, for warmth on the ride if for nothing else.  
  
  
“Ready?” I asked.  
  
  
“Yup,” Tara said turning to me with a smile. “It’s really coming down now, too. Seems like we’re going to get a good bit of snow this morning, it’ll be wonderful.”  
  
  
“We should hurry then, I wouldn’t want Robby to wake up and you’re not there. I don’t want him to worry that you’ve been gone overnight,” I said softly, and handed her one of the travel mugs. “You shouldn’t be gone, especially on Christmas morning of all mornings.”  
  
  
“Are you asking me a question, Will?” Tara asked her head cocked to one side as she looked at me.  
  
  
Had I asked a question? I blushed; I didn’t think I had meant to ask or imply anything. It was really none of my business either way, what her habits were for being out late or all night. I felt my ears begin to burn, and I was blinking rapidly trying to come up with something to say.  
  
  
“Um, well, no, not really. I mean, I just got the impression you aren’t exactly an “out all night” kind of party girl – and I may be totally wrong. I mean, everyone has to blow off steam in their own way sometime, right? For all I know you _are_ an “out all night, watch the sun rise after a crazy night before you crash” kinda girl. Or… or… maybe you only do it every so often. You know, tie one on, and get wild and crazy… and I’m gonna shut up before I embarrass myself anymore,” I rambled on before I caught myself and blew out a frustrated breath.  
  
  
“Will, everyone including Robby knew I was coming here last night; and no, I’m not an “out all night” party girl. I never really had that option, or even desire to be. I _have_ a cellphone, so if anything had happened I was _only_ ever a phone call away,” she paused still looking at me curiously. “But I think you may be asking something else, too. So here goes. Yes, I’ve dated before, but it never lasted more than a few months, because Robby has _always_ comes first. A fledgling relationship just won’t survive, no matter how attracted to one another we may have been,” Tara said honestly. “So that would mean I’m single, and Willow? I’m also out if there was any confusion.” A slight smirk played around her lips.  
  
  
My head snapped up at her last sentence and I saw her expression. We had talked all night about a _million_ different things, but somehow managed to skirt the relationship aspects of our lives. I went for our coats as a diversion for my severe case of foot-in-mouth-itis. She had managed to answer the questions I hadn’t had the nerve to ask all night in one fell swoop. Tara met me in the living room and still not quite looking at her, I held open her coat so she could slip it on. While I shrugged into my own coat, I noticed that she didn’t have gloves or a scarf.  
  
  
On a whim, I disappeared quickly back to my room; I grabbed the new scarf the Eric had gotten for me, and another pair of gloves from my dresser. On impulse I sprayed the scarf lightly with some of my perfume. Swinging it casually so the perfume would dry and not be as strong, I went back to Tara. Gently I wrapped the scarf around her neck, and pulled her coat collar up around it.  
  
  
“I’m single and out too, Tara,” I said in a low voice.  
  
  
I finally met her eyes when I held out my gloves in a sort of peace offering. I grinned widely when she took them, and she winked back at me. We headed to the door, and out into the night braving the still falling snow and ever present cold.  
  
  
  
******  
  
  
  
We had left my house a little before five, and what normally would have been maybe a fifteen minute drive tops, tripled. Tara had been right, too; the snow fall was a wet snow that would really pile up, pack hard and ice over very easily. This would make the road chaos to drive if it kept coming down at its current rate.  
  
  
I finally pulled up outside of Tara’s house as the sky began to lighten to a watery grey. There would be no sun on this frosty morning. The colorful lights surrounding the outside of the house still flickered on merrily in the pearly light.  
  
  
“I’m glad you came over to see me last night,” I said softly, to speak normally seemed like it would break some sort of spell between us. “I know you didn’t have to… and I never expected you to be so… open with me. You didn’t have to tell me all the details that you did, but I hope we’re okay now?”  
  
  
Tara took off one of my borrowed gloves, and removed one of mine so she could lace our fingers together. “I’m glad I did too. It was good for both of us, I think,” she squeezed my hand. “It also doesn’t hurt that I had a really enjoyable evening with really good company.”  
  
  
I giggled nervously. “Gee, I don’t know why, but I kinda feel like a teenager bringing my girl home from our first date.”  
  
  
“Your girl?” I blushed profusely at the slip. “Does that mean I get a goodnight kiss?” Tara asked her eyes sparkled and she was smiling her crooked smile that made my stomach fill with butterflies.  
  
  
“I thought it just meant I would walk you to your door, and as I tried to kiss you we’d get interrupted,” I teased.  
  
  
Tara rolled her eyes. “ _Oh my God_! Buffy has the _worst_ timing on the planet! I could go on for days about how many kisses she has interrupted since I was like fifteen!”  
  
  
I laughed. “Why does that not surprise me? Although, I would have thought it would have been Joyce.”  
  
  
“Don’t get me started, or rather don’t get them started. Besides a girl has to have some secrets,” Tara said with another wink, her eyes twinkled with mischief.  
  
  
It seemed our long night of conversation had not only cleared the air of any misunderstanding between us, but had also put “us” back on track as a potential “us”. If I had any doubt of Tara’s interest, then this little bit of conversation and flirting would certainly be the clue that even I couldn’t miss in my less than swift moments.  
  
  
“So about that kiss…” I began hopefully.  
  
  
Tara leaned in close to me. “Would you think less of me if I said I don’t want to wait for you to walk me to the door?”  
  
  
I swallowed heavily. “No… not at all,” I replied as I leaned in to meet her, licking my lips. My gaze shifted between her dazzling blue eyes and her luscious mouth.  
  
  
At first the kiss was soft, shy. I could taste the creamy flavor of hazelnut and richness of the coffee on her lips. I heard her sigh, and it encouraged me. I slowly sucked her full bottom lip into my mouth to run my tongue over its silky surface. The contact was quickly becoming electric; I could smell my perfume on the scarf mixing with hers, and God, did it smell good.  
  
  
We were cocooned in the warm cab of my truck, and each other’s perfume swirled around us. It fueled the slow burn of sensation at our connected mouths. I cupped her face in my hands, as my fingers and toes started to tingle. I felt like all of my skin had been electrically sensitized. When I pulled back to look at Tara, she still had her eyes closed.  
  
  
“Kiss me again,” she implored me.  
  
  
I scooted a little closer and without hesitation kissed her again. This time Tara flicked her tongue softly against my lips, without a second thought I opened them. Our tongues curved against one another tentatively at first, and then with more confidence. Silken caresses played back and forth between our mouths as we kissed and kissed. It was _so_ very sweet, and she tasted _so_ good.  
  
  
We broke apart finally, and slowly Tara opened her eyes. Tara’s cheeks had flushed; her eyes were a glorious shade of dark blue and her pupils were dilated. I imagine I looked just as flushed. I knew it had been more than just a kiss, it _felt_ like more than just a kiss. I smiled at her – what else could I do?  
  
  
Tara smiled back. “That was some kiss,” she said breathlessly.  
  
  
I nodded slowly, still in a bit of a Tara induced fog. I couldn’t even speak yet; my body was too busy tingling again. In just a few minutes of kissing I felt that she had touched a part of me that no one else had before, a part that had been waiting for her and her alone. The things this woman could do to me with just a _simple_ touch were scary, and now that we had kissed, I knew I was a goner.  
  
  
It was foolish and impetuous – my emotions were scattered by this woman all over again. I started to panic, my head was spinning and my heart raced. I had to remind myself to be patient, go slow and breathe above all else; it was the only way to protect myself. And some sense of self preservation told me I needed to be cautious with Tara. Not that we would hurt each other on purpose, but if we did… well, I just didn’t want to think about what that possibility entailed. I was being cautious for me _and_ for her.  
  
  
“Cat got your tongue?” she asked playfully.  
  
  
I shook my head. “No, you do.” I managed cheekily.  
  
  
Tara laughed, and pulled me as close to her as possible given our current positions. Tara stroked my hair, and resting her cheek against my head while I nuzzled my face in her neck. I kissed the warm soft skin beneath my lips, taking the opportunity to breathe her in. It was intoxicating, _she_ was intoxicating.  
  
  
“Did you plan this?” I asked. “Plan to kiss me?”  
  
  
Tara leaned back to look at me. “No,” she said as she stroked my cheek. “I wanted to – I won’t deny that at all – I wanted to; from the moment we touched in the shop.”  
  
  
“Then everything went to hell in a handbasket,” I said softly.  
  
  
“Sweetie, we got past it. We talked and it’s okay. It _is_ okay, right?” Tara replied.  
  
  
“Yeah, I mean I don’t generally make out with _just_ anyone I meet,” I said with a smile.  
  
  
“I should hope not. Although I never thought would be _literally_ kissing and making up with you when I went to your house last night,” Tara said, before she kissed me sweetly. “But I won’t complain either. I’ll see you later today, right?” She ran her index finger down my cheek softly.  
  
  
“Absolutely,” I replied. “Oh, but I don’t have any gifts! I hadn’t planned on being anywhere so I…”  
  
  
Tara cut me off with another kiss; I was definitely growing fond of her kisses. “You don’t need anything, just bring you. That’s all the gift I need.”  
  
  
I looked at Tara closely, and I could see the sincerity in her expression. My entire body flushed in pleasure. “Okay… ooo, ooo, I can bake! Can I bring a dessert?”  
  
  
“Sure, but you don’t have to,” Tara said.  
  
  
“It’s okay; I was going to do some baking for myself today, you know, indulge a little. Now I don’t have to choose, I’ll just make it all and bring it,” I smiled goofily at her.  
  
  
“How much were you going to bake, Willow?” Tara asked.  
  
  
“Not a lot, just for me. I was going to decide between three of my favorites,” I answered. “Any allergies I should know about?”  
  
  
“Umm, shrimp, but that’s generally not a dessert item,” Tara said.  
  
  
“Gotcha, no shrimp,” I said with a wink.  
  
  
“I should go,” Tara said, looking at my mouth as she said it.  
  
  
“Yeah, probably,” I breathed, as we gravitated towards one another again.  
  
  
After several more lovely minutes of kissing Tara, she finally went inside. While we had been making out, the snow had stopped failing. It had left a blanket several inches deep of the white stuff everywhere. I watched Tara go inside with a wave, and I drove home feeling giddy. This was such an unexpected end to an even more unexpected evening.  
  
  
When I got home, I fell into bed. It was all I could do to set an alarm so I could get a few hours of sleep. I had to have enough time to do all of the baking I wanted, so that meant I got something that barely passed for a nap. Lucky none of the baking would be horribly time consuming separately but they would just be a lot of it.  
  
  
As I fell asleep, I could still feel Tara’s lips pressed against mine and smell her perfume. It was absolutely divine.  
  
  
  
  
TBC…


	12. Merry Christmas, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst Rating: PG
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
> 
> Feedback: Yes, please and thank you!
> 
>  
> 
> _Author’s Notes : Hello all. I am back among the land of the upright and mobile, and updates will resume on their monthly schedule. Thank you to everyone for all of the well wishes, they were greatly appreciated. Well, without any further delay on to chapter twelve!_

I woke with a start when the alarm on my phone loudly went off by my head. I rolled onto my back and lay there for moment; my mind immediately jumped to Tara and earlier that morning. I couldn’t stop the big grin that made its way across my face as I thought about how sweet it had been to kiss her. I stretched and rolled out of bed feeling a little giddy; something I hadn’t been in a very long time.

 

I hopped down the steps two at a time and slid across the tile on my socks into the kitchen _à la_ Tom Cruise minus the sunglasses and tighty whities. I poured the last of the cold coffee into a mug and popped it into the microwave to warm it again, and then I went into the living room to turn on the television. I wanted to find an old movie like “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Miracle on 34th Street” to play in the background while I baked.

 

I couldn’t help myself and laughed loudly when the only thing I could find was “A Christmas Story”. It was on a loop showing back to back all day long. I turned up the volume, and “You’ll put your eye out, Ralphie…” followed me as I padded back into the kitchen.

 

I had originally intended to choose between double chocolate macadamia nut brownies, mint chocolate chip cookies, or my favorite and of course the most decadent, mocha-hazelnut cheesecake. Now I had a reason to make all three, and I started with the cheesecake since it had the most prep to do. That and I wanted the more coffee.

 

Soon the scent filled the kitchen along with the sounds of laughing children coming from the living room. I set up the other ingredients and was unusually efficient it seemed, so I had time to actually watch bits and pieces of the movie instead of just listening to it at a distance.

 

As the credits rolled, the cookies had cooled and were ready to be put in tins, the brownies were cooling, and the cheesecake was in the oven to bake. I leaned against the counter happily using a spatula to lick the brownie bowl, quite pleased with myself. I set the timer on my phone and decided to go upstairs to pick out an outfit.  

 

Thirty-five minutes later, I was no closer to having an outfit than I was when I went upstairs. So I decided a long, hot bath would help me finally pick something out. I went into the bathroom, and after some digging under the sink, I found the lavender bath oil beads that were still packed away in a small box of miscellaneous bath oil, bubbles, salts and lotions.

 

I started the water just as the alarm on my phone went off, so I hopped down the stairs again to check the cheesecake. I pulled it out to cool, inhaling the wonderful scent, once again feeling quite pleased with myself.  Then I headed quickly back up to the bath that was now calling my name.

 

******

 

I dropped in three lavender balls of oil and watched them melt as the tub continued to fill. Stripping off quickly, I stepped into the steaming water and eased down into the tub. The hot water slid over my body deliciously, leaving lavender scented oil behind to soak into my skin as I reclined in the tub with a sigh.

 

Once the water had crept high enough I turned the faucet off, breathing in deeply the scent of lavender. I let my mind wander while the heat seeped into my bones and I relaxed. I’m not sure how long I was in the tub, but as the water started to cool, I quickly shaved my legs and washed my hair so I could get out before I became a complete prune.

 

Wrapped in a towel, I brushed my teeth as I walked back into my bedroom and into my closet. I found my favorite pair of black jeans, and a wine colored short sleeve turtleneck with a matching cardigan. I got dressed, taking my time, and applied some light makeup. My hair was still damp and beginning to curl as it dried so I just let it.

 

I went back down to the kitchen so I could bag the rest of the desserts up to go. I had two large metal tins festively decorated for the holidays I had put the cookies in neatly stacked together. I was cutting the brownies and putting them in a Tupperware container while I sampled one for quality control purposes. The cheesecake had cooled nicely, and after covering it I set it on top of the brownies, easing everything into a canvas bag.

 

I looked at the clock on the microwave and it was just after 2:30pm. I went into living room to turn the television off, then back up stairs for final touches on my hair. I used a little hairspray to hold the curls in place, and perfume and I was ready to go.

 

I bundled up and grabbed my bag of goodies, left a light on in the living room and out the door I went. It hadn’t gotten any warmer since I had been out early that morning with Tara, but it also hadn’t snowed anymore, which was a good thing.

 

I carefully made my way to the truck; putting the desserts in the passenger side first. I then scurried around to the driver’s side and hopped inside. As the truck warmed up, I turned on the radio and the cab was immediately filled with the sound of Karen Carpenter’s timeless voice singing “[The Christmas Song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsJKD1Te8Ec)”.

 

My drive was filled with the sounds of Christmas carols as I slowly made my way through the snow to Tara’s house. I had stopped off at Starbuck’s for a latte to help keep me warm during my trek; I was quite positive I wasn’t caffeinated enough yet from all the strong coffee I had made for the cheesecake.

 

Pulling up in front of the house for the second time that day, the sky still grey and cloudy and the lights around the house were still twinkling merrily. I gathered my bag of baked delights, and my half empty latte and slowly made my way up the sidewalk.

 

As I got to the top step, the door swung open and I was greeted by Robby who was in reindeer antlers with little flashing lights on them and green sweater that had a dancing reindeer chorus line on it.

 

“Willow!” He grinned.

 

“Hiya, Robby, or should I call you Rudolph?” I asked giggling at the boy.

 

“Aunt Buffy’s got the red nose, so you can just call me Robby,” he said seriously.

 

“Is Buffy sick?” I asked since Tara hasn’t mentioned anything about Buffy being sick last night.

 

“Nope, not sick. I won the coin toss,” Buffy answered, and she was wearing a red sweater with dancing reindeer and a red nose that blinked. “Here, let me help you.” She said as she took the bag carefully.

 

I laughed as I watched her nose blink. “Coin toss?” I asked as I followed her into the kitchen with Robby close behind.

 

“Yup, I got to wear the nose last year and Tanta wore the antlers,” Robby said as he tried to peek into the bag Buffy had on the counter.

 

I laughed again looking at them both shaking my head. “Where should I put this stuff?” I asked as I began to unpack the bag.

 

“What did you bring, Willow?” Robby asked.

 

Buffy leaned on the counter watching me pull container after container out. “Well, I brought two types of cookies and brownies, and a cheesecake.” I said.

 

“You made all this?” Buffy asked.

 

I nodded. “There are double chocolate macadamia nut brownies, regular brownies without nuts, mint chocolate chip cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and a mocha-hazelnut cheesecake,” I said.

 

I began to open the containers, sliding the brownies in front of Buffy, and then looked at Robby. “I wasn’t sure if you’d like the mint or the nuts, so I kinda made regular cookies and brownies with you in mind, buddy.”

 

“Wow, I think I love you,” Buffy said around a mouthful of macadamia nut brownie and moaned in delight.

 

Robby and I were both giggling at Buffy as I held the two tins of cookies for him to choose from. Robby gamely took one of the mint chocolate chip ones and began to munch away on it, when Tara walked into the kitchen. She was wearing another dancing reindeer sweater but in dark blue that set off her eyes nicely, along with a striped elf hat that had pointed ears sewn on the sides along with a sleigh bell from its point.

 

“Hi,” I said shyly as I watched her come towards me.

 

Smiling brightly, she replied, “Hi, yourself.” She immediately wrapped me in a hug. “Merry Christmas, Willow.”

 

“Same to you,” I said.

 

“Tara, you _have_ to have one of these brownies, they are _soo_ good,” Buffy said as she waved one of the double chocolate macadamia nut brownies at her.

 

Tara took the brownie, and I watched as she took a bite. She moaned her approval, giving me a squeeze with the arm that was still around me. I smiled happily as I watched the three of them munching away.

 

“Okay, so what’s with the sweaters and the, uh, interesting accessories?” I asked reaching for a brownie myself.

 

The three were giggling at my question when Joyce walked in wearing her own reindeer sweater in a heather grey, and a red Santa hat that had mistletoe, snowmen and Christmas trees embroidered on it. I had to laugh looking at them in their quirky holiday attire.

 

“Willow, this cheesecake looks divine,” Joyce said looking over the various treats layed out on the counter.

 

“It’s mocha hazelnut,” I said proudly at my creation.

 

“Try the brownies, mom,” Buffy said offering her a bite of her third brownie.

 

“Oh, that _is_ good,” Joyce mumbled. “Don’t fill up on sweets though, dinner will be ready soon.”

 

“So what gives with the outfits?” I asked again.

 

“It’s tradition,” Buffy said.

 

“We’ve been doing it since Buffy and I were kids,” Tara replied. “My mom started it when Donny and I were little, so we’ve done it for as long as I can remember.”

 

I giggled. “But the sweaters, how do you find them matching like this?”

 

“I make them,” Joyce answered. “Caroline and I made them together for fun when the kids were little. Now it’s just me.” She smiled fondly as she spoke. “It’s become a family custom.”

 

“Caroline?” I asked.

 

“Yeah, my mom,” Tara said smiling. “My mom and Joyce are… were cousins.”

 

“We grew up together in California,” Joyce added. “We were more like sisters. We went everywhere together, totally inseparable growing up. We even went to the same college together.”

 

“Wow,” I said softly. “That must have been nice.”

 

“When Caroline married Bill, Tara’s dad, and they moved here, I was so unhappy that Hank and I followed within a year,” Joyce recalled. “By then Donny was already almost two and Caroline was pregnant with Tara and I was pregnant with Buffy.”

 

The look on Tara’s face was wistful as she listened to Joyce talk of the past. She reached out for Robby and pulled him close to her, stroking his hair.  Joyce sighed heavily, and taking a cookie looked at me and shrugged.

 

“Enough about the past, let’s enjoy the present,” she said, her smile not quite reaching her sad eyes.

 

Silence fell over the kitchen, dampening the cheerful mood that had been there when I arrived. It was obvious that there were people being sorely missed, but what could I say? I was at a loss for something that wouldn’t sound trite to help lighten the atmosphere that had so quickly settled over us in the wake of Joyce’s memories. There were still some details I was not yet privy to, so I just remained silent out of respect for her.

 

“C’mon, Willow, let me show you what I got for Christmas,” Robby said as he took my hand and led me away into the living room.”Aunt Buffy got me this game and…”

 

Robby went on to explain the game to me and we sat down to play. Buffy and Tara followed us, and the three of us rotated out against Robby and each other while Joyce fussed around in the kitchen. Many matches and four different games later, Buffy, and Tara were being beaten by Robby in their latest round of his new racing game.

 

“Can I help with anything?” I asked Joyce as I quietly wandered back into the kitchen and leaned over the counter to grab a cookie.

 

“I’ve got it all under control, Willow,” she smiled. “Just enjoy yourself – here have some eggnog. Dinner should be ready in thirty more minutes, maybe a little less.” She handed me a cup of frothy eggnog.

 

“If you’re sure,” I sipped from the glass mug she had handed me. “I don’t mind helping at all.”

 

“I’m perfectly sure, dear. But you can let everyone know dinner will be soon,” Joyce handed me another glass of eggnog. “Here, why don’t you take this in to Tara?” Her eyes sparkled mischievously.

 

“Okay,” I shrugged leaving the kitchen.

 

When I walked back into the living room Buffy was cackling madly and chanting “I win!” over and over, while Robby switched games in the console again and Tara moved to the couch. I handed Tara the glass of eggnog with a smile. Tara took my hand urging me to sit down next to her.

 

“Joyce said dinner will be ready in thirty minutes, maybe less,” I informed everyone assat. “So you may not want to get too involved in another game.”

 

Robby turned off the console and the television came to life. I looked at what was on the screen and began to laugh. It seemed I wouldn’t be able to get away from “A Christmas Story”. Everyone turned to look at me; I just waved my hand and shook my head.

 

“This is on all day, I was sort of watching it while I was baking,” I said. “I thought I would be able to find one of the old classics, you know? But this was all I could find.” I continued to laugh.

 

Tara rested a hand on my leg. “What’s your favorite Christmas movie?”

 

“Hmmm, that’s a tough one. I love all the cartoons, so I can’t resist those. Burl Ives must have narrated all of them I think.” I smiled, covering her hand with mine. “Then again, I love ‘White Christmas’, Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby… what’s not to love?”

 

Tara nodded. “What about ‘A Christmas Carol’?”

 

“Ah, but which version are we talking about?” I asked.

 

“I dunno,” Buffy said. “I kinda like the one with Albert Finney for a classic version.”

 

“Ooo, good one, Buff, but that’s called ‘Ebenezer Scrooge’,” Tara said.

 

“Then again, ‘Scrooged’ with Bill Murray can’t be beat either,” I added.

 

We laughed and Robby just looked at us as he put the console out of the way. When he finished, he came and sat on my other side, resting his head against my arm as he watched Ralphie’s little friend get his tongue stuck to the frozen pole.

 

Buffy, Tara and I continued to talk movies casually for the next twenty minutes or so. Joyce came in and with a smile announced that dinner was ready. As we made our way through the kitchen to the dining room, we each grabbed a dish or two of something that was to be put on the table to help. Even Robby got the rolls to carry.

 

This time I was placed next to Tara where Buffy had sat on my first visit to the Summers/Maclay house for a meal. As we sat down, Joyce carried in a platter with a golden brown turkey on it. I looked at the dishes we had carried in, and there was homemade stuffing, roasted potatoes, glazed carrots and two or three more things I wasn’t sure of.

 

Everything looked wonderful and smelled even better. Buffy back came in with a bottle of white wine and a glass of milk for Robby, and then carefully poured us all a glass before she sat down. Joyce carved up the turkey and plates were passed down for a portion, and then bowls made their trips around the table as we all filled our plates.

 

“Willow, we say a… traditional prayer at this time of year, but we do say one,” Joyce said. “I hope that won’t make you uncomfortable.”

 

“Oh no, that’s fine with me. I’m your guest, so please do what you would normally do,” I said sincerely.

 

Joyce looked at Tara. “Tara, would you?”

 

“Absolutely,” Tara replied, and then held her hand out for me to take in mine.

 

Everyone around the table had grasped each other’s hand, and Buffy reached across the table for mine, giving it a warm squeeze. With a smile and a deep breath, Tara began clearly but softly, looking around the table as she spoke.

 

”I am grateful for that which I have. I am not sorrowful for that which I do not. I have more than others, less than some, but regardless, I am blessed with what is mine. First, I am thankful for my health.  
Second, I am thankful for my family, and a new friend,” she smiled at me. “Third, I am thankful for my warm home. Fourth, I am thankful for the abundance of love and joy in my life. May the blessings I have received in this year only multiply in the coming seasons.”

 

Everyone said the last line of the blessing together, and a round of affectionate smiles went around the table. Tara gave my hand a gentle press, and kept her hand in mine a moment longer before as we all began to eat.

 

“I’m really glad you’re here, Will,” Tara whispered to me.

 

I beamed at her. “Me too.”

 

 

TBC…


	13. The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: W/T
> 
> Angst Rating: PG
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
> 
> Feedback: Always a delight
> 
>  
> 
> _Author’s Notes : As per the norm, there is no beta for this, so any mistakes are all my own. If you catch something by all mean PM me and I’ll fix it. Italics are for emphasis, and this is yet another fluffy little interlude between our girls and the rest of the family that makes up the Summers/Maclay brood. Enjoy!_

I plopped down on the couch with a groan that made Joyce, Buffy and Robby giggle. Robby had turned on the television, and Buffy was channel surfing. I was rubbing my way too full stomach when Tara came in and sat down next to me curling up.

 

“Aww, do you have a tummy ache, Will?” she asked sweetly.

 

“Too much nog,” I groaned again, using both my hand to gently hold my over-stuffed tummy.

 

“Want me to rub your tummy for you, sweetie?” Tara asked innocently.

 

I nodded with a pout that made Tara chuckle, and she scooted closer to me on the couch. Gently resting her head on my shoulder, and with her hand on my shirt she began to rub slow circles. Her hand was warm; I could feel the warmth seeping through the fabric to my skin. It really did seem to be making me feel better. Then again it could have been simply because Tara was touching me too.

 

One thing I had observed while I had the chance to watch everyone together was that they seemed to be what I would call “touchy-feely”. It just seemed to be part of their dynamic; a touch here, and a pat there, maybe a hug, always a smile. My family was never really very touchy – I could probably count the hugs I’d received from my parents in all my life just on my hands. So to watch them interact with such genuine affection for one another, well I found it endearing.

 

I had even noticed it while we were playing games with Robby before dinner. The physicality they shared just kind of spilled over to include me – playful pokes, nudges and tickles. I had initially thought Buffy and Tara were just being playful with Robby, but once Joyce joined us I saw the hugs and pats.

 

So all in all it didn’t seem that odd for Tara to be gently stroking my rumbly tummy, and I started to doze off. The caffeine and sugar were wearing off too, and the lack of sleep combined with too much good food was working its magic.

 

Soon enough, I was in that place where I was in between being asleep and awake, I could hear but not respond. I was able to catch snippets of Buffy and Robby talking fading in and out.

 

“Are they sleeping?” Robby asked.

 

“I think they might be, but they had a long night last night, buddy,” Buffy said softly and the volume on the television went down.

 

“They’re cute aren’t they, Aunt Buffy?” Robby replied. “Should I get them blanket? I don’t want them to get cold.”

 

“Sure, c’mon, I’ll help you sweetie,” Buffy said and everything grew still.

 

That was the last thing I remembered hearing until I woke up on my side with Tara curled around me. At some point we had stretched out on the couch and shifted so we could cuddle together. The room was almost dark except for the gentle light coming from a fire someone had lit in the fireplace. It that was still giving off a goodly amount of warmth as it was dying away to glowing embers.

 

I looked into Tara’s face, smooth and peaceful in sleep. Her arm tucked around my waist possessively. The light and shadows danced all through the room, and the play across her slumbering features just held me fascinated. The only sound was her steady, deep breaths and the occasional pop and crackle from the remains of the logs.

 

I raised my hand and very softly stroked her cheek, down to her jaw. Her skin felt like warm silk under the sensitive pads of my fingertips. Very lightly I traced over the bridge of her nose, around her lush mouth; the sweetness of those lips still lingered in my mind from that morning. Just as I pulled my hand away, her eyes fluttered open. She looked around for a moment then looked down and smiled at me sleepily.

 

“Hi,” I whispered.

 

Giving me a gentle squeeze she replied, “Hey you,” her voice rough and sexy with sleep.

 

I raised my head to get a better look at her and said, “How is it we seem to end up curled around one another sleeping on various couches, but we have yet to go on a proper date?”

 

With a raised eyebrow, Tara smiled mischievously. “Are you asking me out, Will?”

 

I rested my chin on her chest, still looking up at her. “Yeah, I think I am.”

 

“Yes,” she said.

 

“When…” I started to ask.

 

“Yes,” she said again.

 

“But I didn’t finish,” I said with a pout.

 

“It doesn’t matter, Willow. Whatever, whenever, I just want to spend time with you,” Tara replied and began to run her hand up and down my side making me shiver.

 

“I don’t understand it,” I said softly. “And there's something between us... I wasn't looking for it, you know? It's just totally powerful. And it's totally different than what Lacey and I had."

 

She nodded, and leaned forward to kiss me. “I do. You’re such an unexpected surprise, Willow. My family has known you for months now, and here you’ve swept into my life and in a matter of days turned it upside down in the best of ways.”

 

I scooted a little so I could be face to face with Tara when I kissed her gently. I felt the electricity skitter over my skin again as we touched, and she tightened her arms around me as our kisses grew more passionate. Unlike this morning that had been amazing, we now had full body contact that only intensified the sensations. I could feel Tara moan against my lips, and I answered in kind.

 

Tara just felt so good in my arms, I couldn’t help myself. One of her hands was playing in my hair, while the one on my back kept stroking me. I cupped her face in my hands as our tongues played and teased; I shifted slightly and with Tara’s help I was now lying completely on top of her.

 

My senses were starting to overload, it was too much, _she_ was too much. I started to shake and I had to pull back from our kisses. I started to try to sit up, to pull away and clear my head, but Tara wouldn’t let me. She tightened her hold on me and just held on to me while we both calmed down.

 

“It’s okay, Will. I get it… I do,” Tara said breathlessly. “Just your kisses… and it’s like I lose all sense of restraint. You touch me like no one else, even with just a kiss. How do you do that?”

 

I giggled. “Magic.”

 

Tara stroked my face, and if I could purr I would have at that moment as I leaned into her touch. “You amaze me, Willow,” she said barely above a whisper.

 

I looked at her, trying to read her. Her eyes were a dark blue, and her cheeks were flushed. She was breath-taking; I nervously started to pull back again. “I should go… it’s late… and I should… go,” I said.

 

Again she tightened her hold on me. “Stay with me, Willow,” she said softly. “I don’t mean for anything to happen. I just want to wake up in your arms… again,” she giggled. “Is that okay?”

 

I had to swallow a few times before I could squeak out, “Okay.”

 

She smiled brilliantly, and continued to stroke my sides while holding me close. I nuzzled her neck, pressing soft kisses to the delicate skin and felt to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat against my lips. The fire had died down to cooling grey ash and the warmth was quickly leaving the room. Tara pulled the blankets off of us, and this time she let me sit up. I helped her fold the blanket up, and she left it on the arm of the sofa.

 

She slipped her hand in mine and quietly led me upstairs to a bedroom at the far end of the hall. Opening the door into a large bedroom, she sat me down on the side of a queen size bed. Tara crossed to a long warm cherry wood dresser with a mirror attached. She opened a drawer and began to pull out clothes.

 

“Which would you like, pajamas or shorts and a t-shirt?” Tara asked, holding a pair of pajama bottoms in one hand and a pair of shorts in the other.

 

“Shorts and a t-shirt, please,” I said sleepily.

 

She nodded and put the pajama bottoms back, then pulled out another pair of shorts; closing the drawer she opened another and pulled out two t-shirts. She handed me the set of shorts that had a drawstring.

 

"They might be a little loose, but the drawstring should cure that,” Tara said and then held out her hand.

 

Leading me across the room to another door, she opened it and flipped on a light switch. From a drawer under the sink she pulled out a new tooth brush and set it on top of the clothes she had set to one side of the vanity with a smile. She crossed behind me and trailed her hand along my shoulders.

 

“There are clean towels and wash clothes in closet,” Tara said pointing to a narrow door with a glass front on a standalone linen cabinet. “So you can wash up or shower, whichever you’d like.”

 

“Thanks,” I said.

 

With another soft smile, she left the bathroom closing the door behind her. I sat down on the toilet lid, worrying about what I had agreed to. I was wondering if all this was happening all too soon, and I should just go home. Maybe – but nothing had to happen – and the thought of having Tara’s in my arms all night was more than enough enticement to stay.

 

I got up and changed, then washed my face and brushed my teeth. When I walked back into Tara’s room, I was clutching my folded clothes to my chest a little nervously. She was already under the covers, but very obviously waiting for me. She pulled the sheets back, and patted the bed beside her.

 

I left my clothes on the dresser and crawled in next to her. We lay facing one another for several moments. I reached for her hand and we pressed our palms flat before entwining our fingers. Even just this light touch was magnetic and made my heart begin to race.

 

“C’mere,” Tara whispered.

 

I scooted closer to her, and she kissed me softly. I rolled to my back taking her with me as we continued to kiss. We finally broke apart, panting for air and grinning goofily. I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and ran my finger down her velvety cheek.

 

“You do know you’re beautiful, don’t you?” I asked in all seriousness.

 

Tara giggled a little. “I’m glad you think so,” She was tracing my hairline along my forehead when she giggled again. “I love your widow’s peak… it’s so sexy.”

 

It was my turn to laugh. “I have a sexy widow’s peak?”

 

She nodded smiling. “Your hands, I think they’re sexy, too. They’re long and graceful, like a pianists, but knowing what you do they must be strong. I can feel it when you hold me, your strength, and I can feel how gentle you are, because it’s how you are when you touch me.”

 

I slowly ran my hands up her back, massaging the muscle as I went. She arched into me, our hips pressed close together. I gulped in air at the contact, before I blurted out, “You remind me of an angel, especially when you’re sleeping. Your skin is so creamy and flawless, Tara, but when you sleep you get this light flush to your cheeks that just pulls at something in me.”

 

 Tara rolled over taking both my arms with her, resting one in the crook of her neck and the other around her waist, and nestling back into me. I had her in a tight hold from behind, and I wasn’t sure how comfortable she could really be. I couldn’t help myself when nuzzled her neck, breathing her in deeply before I dropped several soft kisses on her shoulder. Resting my head on her shoulder, our bodies just naturally fell into place like puzzle pieces.

 

“Do you _really_ want to sleep like this?” I asked.

 

“I’m quite comfortable, so I’m okay with it if you are,” Tara replied tightening her hold on my arms, and I gave her another squeezed to show my agreement.

 

After a few moments of holding each other, I whispered, “Do you feel it, Tara?”

 

“We just fit, don’t we?” she said.

 

“We do,” I said and kissed her shoulder again, as our breathing began to sync and deepen for sleep.

 

“Goodnight, sweetie,” Tara murmured, holding my arms tightly around her in a hug.

 

“G’night, Tara,” I said softly and kissed her temple.

 

Tara felt so wonderful in my arms, and I was literally wrapped around her. I heard her contented sigh, and I had a smile on my lips. Soon enough we had fallen fast asleep.

 

 

TBC…


	14. How My Heart Behaves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Author’s Notes : As per the norm, there is no beta for this, so any mistakes are all my own. If you catch something, by all means PM me with it and I’ll fix it. Italics are used for emphasis. This is low angst, so now it’s just letting the love blossom, folks. I hope you enjoy another warm fuzzy one. Feedback, of course, is always a delight._

The light in the room was a hazy, pre-dawn white and I knew it was still early. I woke up the same way I had fallen asleep – with Tara in my arms. Tara was awake though, and lying quietly in front of me. She was stroking my fingers and palm, measuring their length and width against her own, then pressing our palms flush before starting again.

 

I took a slow deep breath and buried my face into the crook of her neck to let her know I had woken up, kissing the still sleep warmed skin. She wrapped both her arms around one of mine squeezing it, and wiggling back against me, making me giggle. I started to tighten my hold on her, but she turned over to face me. Tara kissed the tip of my nose then gently nuzzled hers against mine.

 

“Good morning,” she said.

 

“Morning,” I replied with a smile.

 

“How did you sleep?” Tara asked, slowly moving her hand up and down my back.

 

“Mmm… like a log,” I giggled. “What does that _really_ mean? How does a log sleep _anyway_ , and is there some sort of sliding scale of measurement for sleeping logs that tells just _how_ a log sleeps?”

 

Tara giggled and shook her head, but played along none the less. “Yes, I’m sure it’s all very scientific, sweetie. Maybe there’s even a… an “Institute for The Study of Sleeping Logs” that studies the sleep habits of insomniac logs.”

 

“Ooo, and that’s where they measure how a log sleeps! See it’s all very scientific! Poor little logs with night terrors and whatnot. They need a good night’s rest too, ya know,” I snickered still running with our randomly goofy topic of conversation.

 

Tara laughed wholeheartedly at that, throwing her head back in glee, and exposing the length of her graceful neck to me. “Do you have anywhere you have to be today?”

 

I kissed her throat, nibbling up and down. “Uh, uh,” I sucked at the point where I could feel her pulse thrumming against my lips making her moan lightly. “The gallery is closed until January second,” I sucking lightly at the tender spot again, “I’m free for days… and days,” I whispered switching side to work a trail up the other side of her neck. “What are you plans for the day?”

 

“Well, I was really hoping I could spend the day with you,” Tara murmured continuing to tilt her head to give me more access to her skin. “Are you hungry?”

 

“Mmmhmm,” I replied between kisses. “That sounds like a great idea.”

 

“Which? Having some breakfast, or spending the day together?” Tara said breathily.

 

“Mmm, both,” I said and slipped my hand to her hip, squeezing it lightly, as I held her close and nibbled on her.

 

******

 

I was leaning against a counter in the kitchen while Tara was making homemade biscuits. She had finally let me do something besides stand and admire her beauty – which I was quite happy to do. I juiced some oranges for fresh juice and had a nice pot of coffee brewing burbling away. I was becoming a master of doing as little as possible, not because I wasn’t willing to help, but because Tara kept shooing me away. Granted the “shooing” was accompanied by kisses, so I _might_ have been getting in the way a little too.

 

We just talked while she worked. She asked questions about Lacey, and what it was like to grow up a military brat that moved around. I asked about Donny, her childhood, and her mom; the woman that had seemed to be so special to everyone. We talked about what it was like to grow up with Buffy, and more about how Robby had changed her life. We told each other more about ourselves, filling in all the little spaces in our lives for each other, telling stories and laughing.

 

We were laughing over some silly story when Buffy came shuffling into the kitchen bleary eyed and with serious case of bed head. She looked at me wearing sweats and a long sleeved shirt of Tara’s and then smirked at us. Tara rolled her eyes and pulled one pan of hot biscuits from the oven then put another in to bake.

 

“It’s not what you think,” I said handing her a cup of coffee.

 

“So you’re saying you _didn’t_ spend the night, then?” She said with a snort, as she walked over and pressed on the hickey Tara was sporting from that morning’s make-out session. “ _Alone_ … _in bed_ … _with Tara_ … and did I mention the aloneness?”

 

“Willow did stay the night, but nothing happened… _really_ ,” Tara smiled, moving next to me to rest her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her smiling and nodding. “It was all quite innocent,” she said.

 

“I’m _so_ sure,” Buffy sniggered as she sipped at the hot cup of coffee. We just smiled at her, and as she looked at us, she started to fidget nervously. Then she cried out guiltily, “Okay, okay! Stop looking at me like that!” Then she sighed in the most put upon fashion imaginable. Eying us both like we were going to pounce on her at any minute, she said in a rush, “Mom and I have been trying to work out a way to get the two of you together for months now.”

 

Tara and I looked at each other, and then back at Buffy expectantly. Buffy plopped down in the chair that sat under the phone on the wall, next to a narrow but tall table.

 

“Will, we love you. Robby just thinks you hung the moon, and you’re just… so _Willow_ ,” she said smiling sincerely. “We just thought the two of you would hit it off. And Tara, I _know_ how you are. I can’t _remember_ the last time you had a date, girl!”

 

 “Oh _God_ , Buffy just shut up, would you?” Tara said as she buried her face in my neck blushing.

 

“What if we don’t work out, Buffy?” I looked at her seriously. “I mean, that _is_ possible, we’re just getting to know each other…”

 

Buffy cut me off. “All I have to do is _watch_ the two of you. I _see_ how you are with one another, and I just _know_.”

 

“You seem to have a lot of faith in us,” Tara said. “Buff, that puts an _awful_ lot of pressure on us…” she looked at me worriedly.

 

Buffy smiled sweetly. “Hey, I’m not saying either of you are _saints_ , or that everything will be _perfect_ , _please_ don’t put words in my mouth. It’s just… Tara, I _know_ you, we’re like sisters, you know? And Willow, you’ve become my best friend, and I just want to see you both _happy_ ,” she shrugged. “I think you can be that for one another, you know?”

 

We both blushed, and linked our hands. I felt like a smitten teenager, and it was all because of Tara. I covered her hand in both of mine, gently rubbing it between them. I was learning to read her, and I was pretty sure she felt the same way. I thought maybe Buffy had put voice to what we both were feeling; maybe even what we both were hoping.

 

We looked at each other, affection shining in both of our eyes. With a silent understanding we went back to making breakfast. As I put the biscuits into a basket and wrapped them with a towel to keep them warm, Buffy’s words began to play over and over in my head until I felt a little dizzy. I slouched down in the chair Buffy vacated to go dress, and studied at my hands, trying to get a grip on myself.

 

I completely missed the fact that Tara was now standing in front of me until I felt her soft hand on my cheek. I looked up her and smiled weakly, my fingers still knotting themselves in my lap. She knelt down in front of me, and took my hands in her own to keep me from twisting them together.

 

“Hey,” she said gently. “Don’t let what Buffy said scare you, okay?”

 

I swallowed hard a few times and tried to smile. “I know… but, Tara, I don’t want to hurt you,” I replied. “That’s the _last_ thing I ever want to do.”

 

Tara stood, pulling me with her and into her arms. “Willow, this is going to be what it’s meant to be, lumps and all.”

 

I ran my fingers through her soft hair while she gently massaged my neck and shoulders. Our foreheads were pressed together, and I my eyes were shut tightly. Our earlier conversations had brought up the ghost of relationships past, some of the scars were long healed, and some were still tender. Combined with Buffy’s blind faith, it was all more than a little overwhelming for me.

 

“I don’t know that I’m worth it, Tara,” I whispered. My sometimes frail self-esteem was makings itself known now that it felt a spotlight being turned on to light a big “ **SUCCEED**!!!” sign Buffy had unwittingly erected.

 

“Why don’t you let _me_ decide that, hmm?” Tara murmured in my ear before kissing it lightly.

 

I nodded and she continued to hold on to me. Once again, it occurred to me that we had spent a lot of time doing that in the last forty-eight hours. In some form or another we had touched, stroked and held close to one another. With a deep sigh I buried my face in Tara’s neck, breathing her in calmed something in me that craved the solace that her embrace offered.

 

“I can’t explain you, Tara,” I said softly. “You… you _do_ something to me. I honestly can’t remember when I’ve _ever_ felt this way.”

 

“The feeling is _very_ much of the mutual kind,” Tara said softly.

 

She kissed her way along my jaw to my mouth. We just stood there kissing tenderly, soaking up what the other was offering greedily. There was a polite cough from the doorway that just barely registered in my consciousness, and it didn’t stop me from kissing Tara. The cough then became an overly exaggerated hacking wheeze that finally cut through the haze that always seemed to accompany kissing Tara.

 

“Good morning, girls,” Joyce said smiling.

 

We both looked at her, blushing for the second time that morning. Buffy came bopping in wearing jeans and an ivory cable knit sweater, but still had bunny slippers on her feet. Robby came in close behind Buffy, his hair was sticking up in places, and he was holding blanket. He managed to look adorably like “Linus” from the “Charley Brown” cartoons. Tara blinked rapidly a few times, and then smiled brightly at everyone.

 

“I hope you’re all hungry,” she moved back to the stove. “How do you like your eggs, Willow?”

 

******

 

Buffy and Robby were cleaning up in the kitchen since Tara had cooked. We silently slipped away upstairs. We still had no “real” plan so far, but Tara had wanted to shower. It seemed like neither of us wanted to be far apart for too long, and that would be too far for too long. The only plans we _did_ have were to get cleaned up, and that would also involve getting me home to do the same.

 

So while Tara went to shower, I layed back down on her bed to wait. Closing my eyes, I folded my hands behind my head and just let my mind wander. Buffy’s words came back to me; and some part of my brain began to flash forward, showing me snippets of what our life could be like five… ten… twenty years down the line.

 

I didn’t hear the bedroom door open, but I did smell the scent of coconut and vanilla. When I opened my eyes Tara had managed to get close enough to lean over me smiling; I stretched up a little and kissed her. She had wrapped herself in a gorgeous midnight blue silk robe, her damp hair dark and cheeks pink from the hot water. All in all, it was quite a fetching look on her.

 

“What was the big smile for?” she asked moving to her dresser.

 

“Uh… huh?” I replied.

 

“When I came in you had this big smile on your face,” she said.

 

I sat up, feeling heat rise in my cheeks – busted. “I was just daydreaming,” I said as I reach out to pull her close. My arms wrapped around her hips and rested my head against her stomach. As she ran her fingers through my hair, it crossed my mind that just a _thin_ piece of silk separated my skin from hers, and that thought sent a shiver up my spine.

 

Tara gave me a curious look, when I looked up at her. “Okay,” she said moving away to comb her hair. She disappeared for a moment into her closet, then into the bathroom again and I heard a hair dryer. When she came back she was dressed and her hair was pulled back into a French braid. It drew attention to her swan-like neck, and cute ears.

 

I couldn’t contain a love-struck sigh as I watched her put on her jewelry as I sat on her bed. All sorts of cheesy song lyrics floated through my head, and I had to roll my eyes at myself before flopping back on the bed. When I turned to look back at her, I also saw Tara smirk at me in the mirror, which made me blush at my own sappiness.

 

“You think you’re pretty cute, don’t ya?” I asked trying to play it off.

 

Tara turned around and leaned against the dresser, her head tilted to one side. “Well, regardless of what I _do_ or _don’t_ think, as long as I can keep _your_ attention then everything’s alright,” she said with a cheeky wink.

 

“You’ve got me hook, line and sinker,” I said. “Just without all the horribly sad flopping around and gasping for air… well sometimes there’s gasping for air, but then it’s only in a good way.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

 

Tara laughed and plopped down on the bed next to me. Our hands immediately gravitated towards one another, and quickly joined. We sat smiling and just looking at one another for a moment. My eyes were drawn to the alabaster skin of her exposed throat and simple gold necklace she had put on; it had a simple gold locket on it.

 

The locket had lovely filigree scrollwork etched into its surface, and look old but well cared for and loved. I took my finger and touched the now warm metal, and I knew without a doubt that it had been her mothers. I looked up, the unspoken question clear and Tara nodded her head, I also could tell this was something she treasured. I opened it and saw pictures of her mom and Donny smiling back out at me.

 

I don’t know what struck me, but I leaned forward and kissed Tara softly, and then I reverently kissed the locket. It was as close as I would ever be able to get to meet her mother and brother, and just felt right. When I pulled away, Tara’s eyes were glossy and she blinked rapidly several times before dropping her head to look away.

 

I put my arm around her waist and eased her into my lap, just holding her while she composed herself. Since we had spent part of the morning talking about her family, I knew how much she missed them and I also had a good idea of what Caroline had meant to Tara and everyone else for that matter.

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I whispered into her hair.

 

“You didn’t upset me,” Tara said tucking her head under my chin. “It was just incredibly sweet.”

 

I rubbed slow, soft circles on her back to soothe her when she tightened her arms around me. I started to rock her gently. As I held her, the thought occurred to me, making me wonder just how often Tara got to be the one comforted since I had an inkling of just how much she did the comforting.

 

“What would you like to do today, sweetheart?” I asked.

 

Tara looked at me with a wisp of a smile gracing her lips. “Sweetheart?”

 

“It’s true,” I replied sincerely. “Is that alright?”

 

“Say it again for me,” she murmured.

 

“Sweetheart… _my_ sweetheart… _Tara_ is _Willow’s_ sweetheart,” I said without hesitation.

 

“Mmm, yes, that’s very nice indeed,” Tara smiled.

 

I nuzzled my nose against hers, and kissed her deeply. With Tara sitting sort of across my lap, I could hold her in such a way that our hearts were pressed against one another. I could feel our hearts racing together, and time seemed to stop.

 

I’m not sure how long we sat there kissing; I just remember the exquisite feel of our beating hearts.

 

 

TBC…


	15. You Picked Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Do I really have to answer that?
> 
> Angst Rating: I guess this is an "R" not quite NC-17 but maybe
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
> 
> Feedback: Always a delight
> 
>  
> 
> _Author’s Notes : You all know the drill at this point, there is no beta for this so any mistakes are all my own. If you catch something – you’re all my second set of eyes so PM me with it and I’ll fix it. Italics are used for emphasis. I tried a little something different this chapter, you’ll have to let me know if it works. This is so low angst it could almost be the remedy for angst, so now our girls simply move forward, let the love-in begin. I have warm fuzzy blankies, hugs and hot chocolate for everyone._

Time.  
  
  
The passage of time is such a finite thing in the grand scheme of a life. A second, a minute, an hour, a day… the only instances in which it really matters is when you have none of it left. The most common, of course – at the end of a long day; the most heartbreaking – at the end of a cherished love affair, and one of the most sacred – at the end of a life.  
  
  
I don’t include beginnings here, baby, because we’ve had so many that we’ve cherished. Much like the one before us now, but those are beginning stories, and they’re for another time. Now is the time for memories, I remember things so clearly from then and I want to finish this for you.  
  
  
I remember our “first” Christmas together like it was yesterday. I can’t wait for our next – so many things are in store for us, aren’t there? I love you, darling, more than I can ever put into words. Let me pick up where I left off, though…  
  
  
******  
  
  
Your tears had stopped, and I had gently moved us up on your bed so we could lie down. You rested your head on my chest, and we just held each other. Our kisses had been slow, soft and ever so sweet. Then again I always find your kisses to be sweet.  
  
  
You whispered more stories about your mother and brother to me. You held tighter to me when you spoke of your father. Sharing what you remember of a distant and cold man, quiet and rigid with no love for anyone, even your mother. Memories of being in the sixth grade and running in from the bus with Donnie close on your heels playing tag, only to find a deathly still house. Your mother sitting quietly at the kitchen table staring into nothing with a “Dear Jane” letter held tightly in her hand.  
  
  
Your father had just left a brief apology, saying he didn’t want this life and he was sorry for all the pain he had caused. That letter along with the deed to the house, and a check were all he left behind. Later as you grew older you realized that there were very few pictures of him; it seems he was never around, not even when you and Donny were young. Those precious years when most parents get misty eyed over and proudly show pictures of missing teeth and birthdays, he was already a ghost. You told me how the smell of Aqua Velva™ after shave makes you gag because it’s all you really remembered of your father anymore.  
  
  
You finally grew quiet, and I kissed your forehead, holding you tight. We lay there for a long time in the quiet of your room sharing the space with your memories. After some time there was a soft knocking at the door, and we both sat up. I handed you a tissue from the box by your bed so you could blow your nose.  
  
  
“Tante,” Robby called through the door. “Are you and Willow hungry? It’s lunchtime, and me and Aunt Buffy were gonna make some sandwiches.”  
  
  
You looked questioningly at me and I shrugged. “I could eat,” I said softly.  
  
  
“Sure, sweetie, we’ll be right down,” You called back through the door. “I must look like a nightmare,” you said to me with a wry smile as you wiped at your eyes.  
  
  
“Never,” I said softly and took your hand in mine pressing kisses into your knuckles.  
  
  
“You, Miss, may just be a bit biased,” you said as you dropped a kiss on my cheek and got up to look in the mirror.  
  
  
“I don’t think so, and not that I want to see you in tears all of the time, because I don’t, but you’re even beautiful when you cry, Tara,” I replied. “Not many women can pull that off. Me, I look like Bozo on a bender.”  
  
  
You smiled weakly, but that encouraged me to keep going. Try to lighten the mood a bit and chase away some of the ghosts that had joined us. “No, _really_ , I could frighten little kids. My nose turns red and my eyes swell up and for some godforsaken reason my hair starts to do all these weird things. It’s just _not_ pretty. Even _I_ don’t want to look at me!”  
  
  
That earned me an actual laugh, and I smiled back at you. “You doofus,” you said.  
  
  
“Ahh, but I’m _your_ doofus,” I replied smugly.  
  
  
You pulled me up into a hug, and placed your head on my shoulder. “I wouldn’t have you any other way.”  
  
  
******  
  
  
We went downstairs and into the kitchen finding Buffy and Robby make cold turkey sandwiches from the leftovers. Robby was laying out bread while Buffy was carving up the cold meat and asking him what he wanted on his sandwich. They both turned around smiling as we entered, and simultaneously their faces fell.  
  
  
“You’ve been crying,” Robby squeaked in anger. “You made Tante cry, why did you make her cry, Willow?” He charged over at me and you caught him around the waist.  
  
  
“Whoa there, my little knight,” You said soothingly. “Willow didn’t make me cry, we were just taking about some things that made me sad.”  
  
  
Robby looked up at me balefully. “Really?”  
  
  
“Really,” I said and bent down to look him in the eye. “I would never do that to her, buddy. Or to you or Buffy or Joyce either, okay?”  
  
  
Robby looked you and then back at me, then nodded slowly.  
  
  
“Although, you know that sometimes we hurt each other without meaning to right?” I asked calmly. “And that sometimes we make each other cry?”  
  
  
“Yeah,” Robby said softly. “Like this one time I accidentally knocked one of the big heads at the shop onto Aunt Buffy’s foot and it made her cry.”  
  
  
“You didn’t _mean_ to that did you?” I asked.  
  
  
“No!” he replied quickly shaking his head.  
  
  
“See, that’s kind of what I’m talking about, you didn’t do it on purpose, but sometimes things will happen,” I said softly and looked up at you over his head. “So I’ll make a promise to you now, I won’t ever make Tara cry on purpose… do we have a deal?”  
  
  
Robby nodded again, stuck out his pinky and we pinky swore on it, I stood up with a smile. I looked at Buffy who had a sweet, goofy grin on her face; she winked at me and turned back around. I held my hand out to you and you crossed to me, slipping your arm around me easily. I stroked your cheek with a finger, tapping your nose playfully.  
  
  
“He’s my little knight in shining armor,” you said softly.  
  
  
“So I see,” I smiled and ruffled Robby’s hair. “It’s sweet. He loves you very much.”  
  
  
With all the innate trust of the child that he was, Robby went back to Buffy to help with lunch. My word was good enough – and it’s a promise I’d like to think I’ve managed to keep.  
  
  
******  
  
  
After lunch we finally made it back to my place. I made you some of my “special” hot chocolate, and I quickly took a shower. You were waiting for me, propped up in bed watching television. Your shoes were off and you had your long legs crossed at the ankles. During our cuddling, I had begun to notice you were all leg much to my delight. Curvy and soft in all the right places, beautiful blue doe eyes, a sensual mouth, and let’s not forget those shapely legs.  
  
  
I remember standing in the doorway watching you, looking at your profile as you laughed. How you tipped your head back slightly because it really amused you, and bounced slightly on the bed. The soft, warm glow of the bedside lamp made your hair shimmer the honey blonde I love so much.  
  
  
You turned smiling to look at me, and held out your hand inviting me in next to you. We snuggled on the bed for hours aimlessly “watching” show after show. Really we were giggling and whispering to one another, continuing to talk about a myriad of different things. This started a habit that we have as of yet never grown tired of, and I hope we never will.  
  
  
Before long the grey sky started to grow dark. It was still early, but the weak sun had done all it could, and the pale yellow faded as it began to snow again. I had wandered into the kitchen for a drink when I noticed the large, soft flakes falling.  
  
  
You called home to let them know you were okay and would be staying so we didn’t have to drive in the snow. I remember getting nervous because there we were… all alone… in my house. There would be no one else to worry about, and no accidental interruptions.  
  
  
This left my mind racing as fast as my heart at all the possibilities. We’d know _of_ each other for months but we’d only met a few days ago. A mad whirlwind of precious days, minutes and hours that had completely changed everything. What kind of leap was I willing to make if the opportunity presented itself?  
  
  
I had never been good at casual physical relationships. It was all or nothing with me, and I hated the thought of being just a “casual” thing to you. After all we had said to one another, you didn’t strike me as a “casual” girl either, so I just let that thought go.  
  
  
We’d already blown past many relationship milestones. Things that normally take month to happen had just _been_ – like this was always suppose to happen. We were there, step for step, mile for mile, hand in hand. It was simply understood in a way, and we both recognized it in ourselves and each other.  
  
  
I took several deep breaths, and started to make us dinner. Whatever did or didn’t happen would be just fine.  
  
  
******  
  
  
After dinner, we went back to my room for my cuddling and kisses. The television was really just background noise. The night wore on and eventually we both started to doze off. One of us most have hit something on the remote, because all of a sudden we were watching one of those overly dramatic Spanish soap operas – _really_ loudly.  
  
  
I slipped out of your arms, turning off the television as I went. I turned to look at you so I could suggest getting ready for bed. You are such a sensual creature. All you did was stretch, but it was _how_ you did it and the look of extreme pleasure you got from the simple act. I mean, I knew you’re sexy, and hot, sometimes even a bit of a tease but when I looked at you, half asleep and smiling whatever I had been about to say just evaporated from my mind.  
  
  
Shaking my head to bring myself back to reality, I went over to my chest of drawers and pulled out two pairs of loose fitting shorts for us to sleep in, and after looking for t-shirts; I just had one for myself. “I uh,” I started to stammer as I gazed into your eyes. “I don’t think I have anything that will fit you, in the umm…” I made a gesture at my chest.  
  
  
“What are you trying to say, Will?” You teased me by sitting up straight and pushing your chest out to emphasize the swell of your breasts.  
  
  
“Uhh, let me,” I starred for a moment; I could feel my mouth going dry. “Go get a t-shirt of Erik’s for you to sleep in,” I said as I tried to exit gracefully but somehow managed to trip over my own feet.  
  
  
I came back with a grey Ramones t-shirt, and a pair of simple black pajama bottoms. “Here, I got these too in case you get…cold.”  
  
  
I dropped both articles of clothing, cocking my head to one side like a confused puppy and made a string of inarticulate vowel sounds. There you stood, in your panties with your arms crossed coyly over your chest and a shy smile. And let me tell you what a sight you were; if anyone could capture the phrase “Naughty Innocence”, baby, it was you that night. You looked at me, dropping your arms away, not an ounce of shame in your eyes at my seeing you half dressed, and I think I actually started to drool.  
  
  
“Nipples!” I squeaked. “Umm… hoo boy… yeah… uhh,” I giggled nervously running my hand through my hair and trying to look anywhere but at you. “Man, is it me or is it hot in here? Maybe I should check the thermostat.” I bent down to quickly scoop up the clothing, tossing them onto the bed so I could vanish down the hall. I’m sure if I had looked back there would have been one of those cartoon dust clouds in the doorway I was gone so fast.  
  
  
I remember leaning against the wall in the bathroom where I had gone to hide, berating myself for acting like a teenage boy seeing his first pair of actual breasts. It’s not like I had never seen a woman topless before, and it’s not like you were throwing yourself at me. It was an accident – simple bad timing on my part, that was all, and I just needed to calm my overheated self down, I told myself logically.  
  
  
But it was _you_ standing half naked in front of me…  
  
  
When I came shuffling back in all flushed still, you were just calmly waiting. You had gotten under the covers, and were lying on your side with your head propped up on your hand. I looked at the shorts and shirt I had left out for myself, mocking me as the lay there on the bed. I decided then I would stop thinking so much and just get ready for bed.  
  
  
“Fair’s fair,” I mumbled and with a deep breath whipped off my shirt and then my bra. Without looking at you, I dropped my jeans and stepped out of them, bending to pick them up off the floor and tossing them aside. I looked up at you when I stood and reached for my shirt; you had sat up while I undressed in front of you. Your eyes were wide and your mouth forming a perfect “o”. Your response made me smirk, and I couldn’t help thinking _“At least I’m not the only one”_.  
  
  
I crawled in next to you and just watched for a moment. “Fair’s fair,” I said again. You leaned over and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around your shoulders pulling you on top of me. My hand slid into your hair and as I held you to me.  
  
  
I felt your leg slip in between mine and I anchored you in place with my ankle as I moaned. “You feel so good, Tara.”  
  
  
“Baby, you’re heaven,” you breathed in my ear.  
  
  
You ran you hand down my side, and under my shirt. Your fingers stroked the skin of my stomach, while mine wandered the lovely plains of your back. The dips and curves your shoulder blades made as you moved them, the velvety smooth skin so warm under the tips of my fingers.  
  
  
I slid one hand down to cup your bottom, kneading the firm muscle and pushing us together more firmly. You nibbled down my throat, sucking leisurely and I urged the hand on my stomach up to my breast. You gently cupped my aroused nipple, and I could feel your head sag against my shoulder. You bit down on my shoulder, circling your hand before palming my hot flesh.  
  
  
This made us both groan loudly. My hips seemed to have a life of their own, and we were grinding together fiercely. I pulled back for a moment and looked into your eyes. Something in the back of my mind clicked, _“this is it”_ I thought, _“am I ready?”_ I knew then without a doubt I wanted you more than I had ever wanted anything or anyone in my life.  
  
  
You eased over to the side, and we both were panting. I rolled over with you so I was perched above you on my knees. I could see your pulse beating rapidly in your neck and I had to cover that spot with my mouth. To feel the rush of your blood and the beat of your heart against my tongue was beyond arousing. I knew I was going to leave a mark as I sucked at that bit of skin, but I didn’t care and you didn’t seem to mind either.  
  
  
I didn’t hesitate to put my hands on you, on your beautiful breasts. As I sucked at your throat I teased your nipples, pulling and pinching. Your hands were in my hair and you kept moaning “yes” over and over.  
  
  
I couldn’t stand it anymore I wanted to feel your skin against mine. I rose up on my knees, and slipped my shirt over my head. I looked down at you and nodded, your hands slipped to my waist easing up my ribcage until you firmly held both my breasts. My nipples were between your thumb and forefinger as you began to work me into a frenzy, there’s no other way to put it.  
  
  
I was moaning above you, when I started to paw at your shirt. I had gotten it up and over your head but since you had not let me go it was stuck at your forearms. I yanked at the shirt, and looked down at you. Your mouth kiss swollen, a dark bruise rising on your creamy flesh at your throat, your dusky nipples hard and proud. You looked so beautiful at that moment. I bent to take one of your nipples in my mouth, the silken feel against my tongue was almost too much for me and I started to shake.  
  
  
You wrapped your arms and legs around me, holding me close. You stroked my hair as we caught our breath.  
  
  
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.  
  
  
“For what?” you replied.  
  
  
“Being a tease,” I said as I pulled back to look you in the eye. “I don’t mean to be, I just get a little overwhelmed. I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you either, because I do. God, I want you so much.”  
  
  
You took my hand and put it over your heart, and I could still feel it pounding. “Do you feel my heart, sweetie?” I nodded. “That’s what you do to me.” Then you slid my hand down, past the edges of the shorts, to your soaked panties. I audibly gulped. “Do you feel that?” I squeaked and nodded again. “That’s what you do to me,” you smiled.  
  
  
“Are you ready for this? Do you want to do this, I mean?” I asked quietly. “I don’t normally just jump into bed with every beautiful woman I meet.”  
  
  
“Willow, you know I don’t take this lightly. We’ve spent the better part of the last four days taking about anything and everything, sleeping together, cuddling, crying, and laughing. You know I have too many other responsibilities in my life just jump into random women’s beds, right?” You said and I nodded. “I’ve never met someone like you, where so many things just seemed to fall into place almost like magic. We don’t have to decide the rest of our lives right this second, but I know I want to be with you. I want the rest of whatever to be ours.”  
  
  
“You picked me? Really?” I asked breathily.  
  
  
You smirked and answered. “Well, why else would I let you keep your hand down my pants?”  
  
  
“Eeep!” I started to pull my hand back, but stopped. I looked at you and lightly started to stroke you through the wet material. Your eyes darkened and your breathing hitched.  
  
  
“Can we keep the light on?” I asked. “I want to see you while we make love.”  
  
  
You rolled your hips into my fingers. “Whatever you want, darling, whatever you need,” you sighed. “Anything.”  
  
  
  
  
TBC…


	16. Hold My Heart aka Tara's Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: I hope you know by now...
> 
> Angst Rating: I guess this is an "R" not quite NC-17 but maybe
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
> 
> Feedback: Always a delight
> 
>  
> 
> _Author’s Notes : First and foremost I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Pam aka Wimpy0729. After several conversations, the thoughts took root and here you have "Tara's Interlude". It's not long, it was never meant to be, but just enough to give you a peek into Tara's mind. This probably won't happen again as this story is being told primarily now, by Willow. Like the last chapter where the title was also a song, it is here as well, but I ask that instead of reading and then listening as hopefully you did for Willow, I ask that you listen **before** you read this time - it'll tie in better. But since I haven't figured out how to tie in links yet, you'll just have to go to youtube and search for Sara Barellies "Hold My Heart". As usual there is no beta so all mistakes are my own, PM me with anything glaring. Italics are for emphasis. I hope you enjoy this little change of pace._

Change...

 

Anger...

 

Hurt...

 

Passion...

 

Lust...

 

Love?

 

So many emotions are swirling around in my head. I can hear you humming in the shower, and it makes me smile. Such a simple sweet thing, yet somehow that makes me... dare I say love?... you all the more.

 

You left the television on for me, but I've turned the sound down low. I just needed a few moments to process. You're down the hall, but after so many hours of being with you I feel almost bereft without you.

 

How can that _be_?

 

For months I had been hearing about this woman that had been gradually insinuating herself into my family's life, and with no ulterior motive anyone could find. She was just a _genuinely_ nice person that had started out as a new friend for Robby.

 

I had no idea that when we finally managed to meet one another that this gentle, unassuming woman would change my life so completely. I had no time for a romance, there were _so_ many things I had to fill in my life, but it just seemed like that wasn't in the cards for me.

 

Until _you_...

 

******

 

I settled back against the pillows to wait for you, picking one up and bringing it to my nose. I can't wait to have you in my arms again, I thought as I breathed in your scent. I looked up at the television and realized you had left it on some adorable baby animal show. Some baby something was as expected being cute and I was laughing, when I felt you.

 

You had a soft smile playing on your lips, and a towel hanging around your neck. I wondered how long you had been watching, but I didn't care. I just wanted you close to me. I held out my hand to you, silently asking you to join me.

 

I sighed happily as we cuddled up again, this time in your bed. I was in heaven. Surround by you completely; you were all over me, filling all my senses. And time just melted away.

 

Soon it was growing dark, and we went downstairs and saw that snow had started to fall again. It was coming down quickly and starting to pile up. I called home and told them I would be staying the night. As I said that I looked to you for confirmation, you nodded with a smile and set about cooking for us.

 

As I talked first to Buffy and then to Robby, I became aware of the fact that we were going to be all alone. I already knew something special was happening between us, but was it too soon to have sex? No, it wouldn't be _just_ sex, I realized, it would be _making love_.

 

I said my goodbyes, and turned around to watch you as you moved around your kitchen. I knew then that I wanted you and all being with you would entail. You had already made it pretty clear that you felt the same. I wanted you but I didn't want to seem overly eager either, so I decided to let you set the pace for the night.

 

I would be perfectly happy to just sleep in your arms.

 

******

 

Again time seemed to just slide by and the evening was gone; then again being with you is like that, everything just flows. It's not always easy, we aren't perfect people, we disagree and sometimes loudly, but for the most part it has always been effortless.

 

Loving you has always been easy, sweetie.

 

Soon we were making our way to your bedroom, settling in for the evening, and time coasted right by us again. Who knew getting ready for bed would turn into an x-rated Benny Hill skit featuring my nipples?

 

******

 

I was _so_ not expecting you to start undressing in front of me, much less take off your bra and stand topless.

 

My mouth went dry and my heart started to race. You were so beautiful, your skin and freckles. I loved them instantly. The skin on the palms of my hands began to itch, I wanted to touch you so badly.

Then you were next to me looking so shy. "Fair's fair." You said and I could see the hopefulness in your eyes. I knew that yet again, we felt the same way. We were ready for _this_ , for each other.

 

Your kisses were driving all thought out of my head, and your skin was cool to my touch. I could feel your stomach trembling, but I swear you left trails of fire down my back where you touched my naked skin.

 

Darling, when you moved my hand to your breast I thought I might cum then. I bit your shoulder so I would know it was real and not a dream. We were moving against one another and we fit _so_ well.

 

Then we were both topless. Sensation after sensation crashing over me. Your _skin_ , your mouth – oh god, _your mouth_ on me, your _hands_ all over me. It was all moving so quickly, I felt like I was spinning on a merry-go-round.

 

You were shaking so hard I wrapped both my arms and legs around you. I wanted to hold you as completely as I could. I wanted you to know it was okay to be overwhelmed. I didn't want to rush this, not with you. As slow as we needed would be perfect. _We_ would be perfect.

 

Then I was confused, you were apologizing and I knew I had to stop you. When I placed your hand over my heart, it was beating like a metronome set to an extra fast techno beat. “Do you feel my heart, sweetie?” You nodded. “ _That’s_ what you do to me.”

 

 With a deep breath I moved your hand under the waistband of my shorts so you could feel what kind of affect you were having on me. “Do you feel that?” You were so cute when you squeaked and nodded again. “That’s what _you_ do to me.”

 

The look on your face was priceless. It was like you had no all idea how deeply and completely you move me. After all of the kissing and touching we shared, I thought you had to have _some_ clue. That you had to know this was more... that this was everything for me too.

 

How much you made me want to throw caution to the wind. To feel you inside me, to be inside you! I can't wait, I have never wanted someone as much as I want you. The joy already brimming inside me when you touch me...

 

They way you looked at me, the way you held me and touched me. I thought _nothing_ could be more special or make me _feel_ more special.

 

 _I was wrong_.

 

 

TBC...


	17. Keep Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst/Rating: NC-17
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
> 
> Feedback: Always a delight
> 
>  
> 
> _Author’s Notes : Ok, kids, here it is. It's been building up to this and here we have it. Like the last two chapters this one is titled after a song as well, but I think you could listen to it at the beginning or the end, it just kind of covers the whole chapter, I think. The song is "Keep Warm" by Ingrid Michaelson, check it out on youtube. Also I think the story only has one maybe two chapters left tops before I bring it to a close. I have no beta so all mistakes are my own, and if you see anything glaring pm me and I'll fix it. Italics are for emphasis. Enjoy!_

When I looked at you again, your eyes were an impossibly deep shade of blue. I put my hands on the waistband of your shorts and waited for a signal from you. You simply lifted you hips so I could slide them down your legs. I got my first look at you, and I don’t think I have ever seen anything as sublime.

 

“You’re beautiful, Tara,” I whispered in awe of you.

 

I could feel you watching me as I drank the sight of you in. You were laying there, biting on your index finger as I couldn't decide where I wanted to look most. I wanted to study you, taste you, soak you up like a sponge. Memorize every bit of you inside and out. Kneeling above you as I was, I could see your figure and noticed your naturally hourglass shape. Before I could catch myself, my hands were making a fool of me as they mimicked the shape of an hourglass.

 

I looked up at you to apologize, but when I saw your blush the words just died. You took my breath away. The bruise rising on your throat, your creamy skin tinged pink, and the way you were biting your finger... you were the epitome of the word "sultry". I knew what the word meant and I had seen it captured on film, but I had never been in the presence of a woman I could say was sultry... until you. There was no team of people that had spent hours making you _look_ sultry, and no special lighting to give you a special "glow" to help make you _appear_ to be sultry; it was simply you, naked in my bed.

 

I was at a loss for words, and just shook my head smiling. So many things were running madly around in my head. I tried to breathe deeply as I slowly ran my hands up the outside if your thighs. Soft skin over firm muscle. I traced back and forth over your hips, playing at the dip at your waist before circling my hands together just under your breasts. I let the tips of my fingers play over your ribs, before I trailed them down to your belly button.

 

Leaning over I kissed your stomach and rubbed my cheek against the warm, velvety skin. I eased my arms up your side to your shoulders so I could hold you as I rested my head against you. I'm not sure when you started to play with my hair, but after a few minutes I noticed. I looked up at you and smiled again. I began to kiss my way up to your lips.

 

The heat was rolling off of your body as we kissed, and soon I became all too aware of my shorts. They felt harsh and intrusive against my skin, and I rose to my knees again to push them down. I wanted more than anything to be naked next to you as quickly as possible. You sat up and took my hands, with a kiss to each palm you stopped me.

 

“Let me?” You asked kissing my quivering tummy.

 

I nodded as I looked down at you, waiting. With a soft kiss just above my belly button, your eyes never left mine as you slid them over my hips and down my thighs. When you got to me knees, you started to lay down pulling me with you. We both moaned as our bare skin met for the first time. I kissed you hard, and since you had pulled me down in top of you I could wiggle the rest of the way out of my clothes.

 

"Willow, you feel so good," You whispered in my ear and tightened your hold on me.

 

"Baby, you have no idea," I murmured back and nuzzled your neck. "This is like a dream, Tara."

 

You dragged your nails down my back making me groan. "Then lets never wake up. We'll stay like this always."

 

"Always." I agreed.

 

We kissed for over an hour while our hands explored every bit of flesh they could get to without disturbing our position. You rolled us on our sides and we finally broke apart to look at one another. We smiled giddily at one another, we were stuck together by our sweaty skin. I pulled back a bit more and there was a faint sucking sound that made me giggle.

 

You snickered and pinched my hip lightly. I responded with a nip to your shoulder, but then I followed that with a lick to your delicious skin. I pulled away so I could look down at you, and you rolled back slightly to let me see your beautiful body. I bit my lip as I ran my hand over your curves before I captured your kiss swollen lips in a searing kiss.

 

Did you know that you make the most delicious sounds? I was just getting to hear them for the first time, and they pulled at something in me; they always do. I looked at you again before I shimmied down just far enough to capture your nipple between my lips. Using the tip of my tongue, I ran circles around the areole as I sucked at it making it even harder to my delight. Your body has always been so responsive to me, and not just when we make love; it warms me to my very marrow to know that I have such a profound effect on you.

 

"Yesss," You hissed, your hands went in my hair immediately tugging and I growled against your slick skin.

 

I pushed against you to urge you onto your back, while trailing open-mouthed kisses across to your other breast as we rolled. My other hand to keep teasing the nipple I had just left, and I'm not sure how long I spent worshiping them both. Only as much as you let me though, and never to my heart's content. I never want to stop worshipping every part of you.

 

"Willow, please, honey, I can't stand it anymore," You pled. "I need you."

 

I was already so lost in you, I failed to notice how you were writhing beneath me when I pulled away with a pop. I watched for a moment as your whole body undulated with arousal. So I licked and nipped my way down your body. I eased your legs wider to make room for myself as I looked up at you. I love watching you, your body tells me as much as you do about your pleasure, baby.

 

Lifting your leg I trailed kisses from your knee all along your inner thigh making you whimper. The closer I got to your sex the more I could smell you. Those first waves of your scent and how aroused you were made my mouth water with anticipation. I had finally made it to my prize. I blew gently across your skin and watched the goose flesh rise across your hips and thighs while your hands tightened in the sheets.

 

"You're so wet, love," I said.

 

"S'all your fault," You replied breathily.

 

"Whatever can I do to make it up to you?" I teased.

 

You looked down at me, eyes sparkling, skin flushed and smirking sexily. "I guess you'll just have to clean me up won't you?"

 

"Well, if I _must_ then I _must_ ," I smiled. Closing my eyes, I took a long, slow lick from bottom to top. "God, baby, you taste _so_ good."

 

I took another lick, savoring the flavor of your juices. Then I buried my face in you, the smell of you was just as divine as the taste. You have just the right blend of salty-sweet flavor, combined with your own special musky Tara-scent that I just adore and drives me absolutely crazy.

 

I swirled my tongue around your entrance, gently pushing in as far as I could. Your hips began to move in time with my mouth. I looked up but your eyes were closed, and you moaned softly whenever I flicked over your clit. You were already breathing hard and fast, so I tore myself away from you and nibbled my way back down you inner thigh.

 

"Will, God, don't stop please," You begged.

 

"Anything for you, sweetheart," I replied. " Tara, I just want you to feel good, so tell me if there's something you need, okay?"

 

"Don't worry, I'll tell you," You panted."You were definitely in the happy zone, though."

 

I giggled softly and said, "So I gathered." I started kissing back up your thigh. "Do you like, um, being, uh, penetrated?"

 

You rested one hand on your chest as your breathing was starting to slow, and nodded, your eyes still closed. "Yeah, that can be good too."

 

"Okay," I said wickedly. "No more rest for you."

 

With that I attached myself fiercely to your clit. "Oh God, Willow!" You cried out lifting your hips.

 

I sucked and flicked relentlessly at your swollen bundle of nerves for several minutes, building you back up again. I slowed my tongue and strokes, making them feather light. Using different pressures and patterns to pass between your clit and the entrance of your sex, massaging your breasts in sync to teased your body completely.

 

I pulled away quickly and said, "Look at me, love."

 

You opened your eyes, and I held your gaze as I made slow soft circles over your clit while you watched me. I brought my hand down from your breast and gently inserted a finger into you making your hips rise against my chin. Your deep groan was music to my ears. With my free hand I tweaked and pinched your nipples in turn. Using the different pressures that I had watched you responded to best, I wanted to make sure I drove you crazy.

 

You were so wet I had slipped another finger inside you. "You're so hot, Tara. You feel so good on my fingers."

 

"So... so good, Will," You panted as I keep up the swirls gentle on your clit and in time with my fingers. "You can go harder, baby."

 

I didn't try to stop the growl that escaped at your words. I knew I was wet but I felt a trickle start to roll down my thigh when you said that. "Anything, love," I said against your flesh as I picked up the pace and force of my tongue and fingers.

 

One the third harder stroke, I hit your sweet spot making you cry out again. "Oh! Right there, Will!"

 

I started to suck your clit and kept the angle that hit your g-spot while speeding up again. We kept eye contact and soon you started to shake. I rolled your nipple and with another swirl of your clit and sweet spot you came hard.

 

"Willow, yes!" You cried. You bowed up off the bed and started twitching.

 

I didn't stop my strokes, but I let go of your clit and I could feel your walls flutter and tighten again. I focused on stroking your g-spot, and your twitching quickly turned into trembling.

 

"Oh God!" You said. "Oh baby, oh Willow!"

 

"That's it, baby, keep coming for me," I encouraged you.

 

"More," You begged.

 

I slipped another finger inside you and you began to buck wildly against my hand.

 

"Yes, Willow!"

 

I could feel your walls rolling as I keep stroking you firmly. I dropped my head to swirl my tongue around your clit again and it set off a powerful orgasm. I could feel you squirt against my fingers and chin.

 

"Oh Willow!" You yelled loudly this time and shook violently as you rode the orgasm out. "No more baby, please no more," You gasped. "I can't... I can't take anymore."

 

I slowed my fingers to a stop and just enjoyed the feeling of you shake, your walls clench, holding me in their grip. I gently cleaned you up around my hand. You were so sweet, you tasted like honey. I love the way you taste when you come that hard.

 

I rested my head on your thigh and watched you, eyes closed, your creamy skin flushed and glistening. Eventually, your were calm enough that you pawed at the top of my head blindly trying to reach for me. I giggled and tenderly eased my fingers from within you. After a few final licks that made you twitch with each one, I slinked up next to you. As soon as I was within arm's reach you pulled me flush to you. I wiped my mouth off on my hand and kissed you.

 

You whimpered again, and I worried that I may have hurt you. I pulled back to look at you, caressing your hair. "Baby," I said softly. "Are you okay?"

 

You nodded then peppered my face and neck with kisses making me giggle again. "I've never done that, Will." You said quietly.

 

"What?" I asked obtusely

 

"You know," You said softly and finally looked at me. I still looked at you blankly, not having caught on yet. "Squirt," You whispered and buried your face in my neck.

 

"Oh," I answered. "Ohh. That's okay, baby."

 

You shook your head against me, and I pulled back to look at you. "Tara, are you embarrassed by that?" I asked tenderly.

 

"Maybe... I don't know... yeah...a little," You responded, still not looking at me.

 

I tilted your chin up so you had to look at me. "Tara, did it feel good?" You nodded. "Did you like it?" I watched you swallow before you nodded. "Then there's no problem here. I enjoyed it, you enjoyed, it's all of the sexy good in my book."

 

"Sexy?" You murmured and looked up at me. "Really?" You asked, tracing my cheek with your fingers.

 

" _Oh_ , yeah," I grinned widely and wiggled my eyebrows. "Big yeah."

 

I winked at you and with a smile you snuggled into me. With more dexterity than I normally have, I managed to pull the sheet up around us as we cuddled together. We both were giddy in the afterglow of lovemaking and enjoying this new facet to our budding relationship.

 

The rhythmic feel of your hand gliding gently along my spine was so soothing, I think I had started to doze lightly. I'm not sure when you started kissing my throat, but when you started nibbling at my ear the peaceful fog started to evaporate.

 

You had stopped stroking my back in favor of kneading my bottom. The pressure was becoming more insistent, and I started pressing myself back against your hand. I lifted my leg so it was over your hip, allowing me to press our centers closer together, I wanted to feel as much of you against me as I could.

 

"Baby," I moaned as you continued to nibble and suck on my ears. "My ears..." I shivered and I heard a throaty laugh from you. "Tara, love," I said hugging you closer to me.

 

You were licking at my throat, so I tilted my head back to give you more skin to work on. Without warning you bit me. "Oh, God," I mewled.

 

You pulled back with a sharp pop. "I knew you would love being bitten. You can't seem to resist giving me hickies."

 

"Mmm, but you taste so good, baby," I giggled. "Of course I want you in my mouth." I smirked.

 

"You're a closet hickey groupie," You teased.

 

"Baby, there's not a part of me left in any closet, anywhere," I teased back. "I'm a 'Tara Groupie', so if you want to find a closet we can do that too. Then I can suck on your delectable self in any spot you want."

 

"Well, pay back's a bitch," You said before latching on to the other side of my neck and sucking hard.

 

"Ungh... okay," I squeaked. 

 

You sucked and swirled your tongue, nipping to make it as dark as the one I had left on you. My hands roamed up and down your back and bottom. I was squeezing and clawing at you while your mouth did wonderful things to me.

 

With a last lick you pulled back to admire your handy work, and started laughing. "Oh, you're _so_ gonna hate me when you see that one," You said and licked it again making me shiver.

 

"Probably not, baby," I smirked. "I enjoyed it too much."

 

You started to nip at my jaw, and I moaned."You're making me crazy, baby."

 

"That's the plan, love," You replied.

 

When you called me "love", I pulled back to look at you. I knew I meant it when I said it you earlier, and I thought it was kind of an easy way of saying it without saying "it" in case you weren't ready for that type of declaration just yet.

 

"Really?" I whispered studying your face.

 

"Do you really think I could let go like I did if I didn't meant it?" You answered seriously.

 

I took your face in my hands and kissed you for all I was worth. I tried to tell you everything I was feeling with that one kiss. To make you understand, to let you know it all. That I was truly laid bare before you. That I was yours, that I thought what we had was something special and unusual; and just maybe we _really were_   meant to be forever.

 

When we pulled back from the kiss, you bit your lip sweetly and nuzzled your nose against mine. I crushed you to me, taking deep breaths again, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

 

"Tara, I don't normally fall this quickly for someone," I whispered in your ear.

 

You pulled back to look me in the eye, and stroked my hair. "Willow, I never fallen this hard for anyone," You replied and traced my lip with your finger. "I know I've loved and been loved before, but Will..." You just shook your head.

 

"I know," I murmured nodding.

 

"I know you do," You smiled. "That's part of what makes this so magical, isn't it?"

 

I nodded again, and swallowed hard. You kissed me tenderly, and our kisses grew more passionate again. I dragged my short nails down your back lightly making you purr. Your hand was gripping my hip, you pulled me in tightly, grinding into me making moan.

 

I was rocking against you, and you matched me so well. You broke our kiss to work your way back down my throat slowly. I felt like I was on fire, and you just keep pouring on the gasoline.

 

"Tara," I whimpered.

 

You pulled back to look at me, and your expression was so sexy I gulped audibly. "Roll over onto your stomach." You growled.

 

Without question I obeyed. I kept my head turned so I could try to watch you out of one eye as best I could. You scratched down my back hard enough to make me hiss, and I buried my face in the mattress. Next, I felt your teeth biting into the left cheek of my bottom, and you pulled and shook your head growling playfully.

 

I laughed and raised my bottom even more, and that earned me another bite and a light swat to the other cheek. "Oh, god," I moaned and I heard you snicker so I covered my head with the nearest pillow I could reach.

 

"You know I'm going to have fun with that later, don't you?" You asked.

 

"So am I," I answered from under the pillow.

 

You pulled the pillow off and tossed it aside. "I want to hear every moan you make, Willow," You said firmly, as you dragged your nails down my back again.

 

Before I could respond, I felt your weight on me pressing me down into the bed. Your legs spread wide over my hips, you started a slow grinding rhythm against my bottom. You started nipping at my shoulders, and ran your hands down over my arms. I was clutching at the headboard trying to stay still, but when you nipped the back of my neck I pushed back into you almost getting to my knees with a loud grunt.

 

You grabbed my sides to keep from being knocked off of me altogether. "I bet I know what you want," You purred as you leaned back over me again. Your hard nipples were pressed into my back and I trembled with desire at what you _thought_ you knew.

 

"Up on your knees, Willow," You said tartly.

 

"Oh, god," I groaned but obeyed none the less.

 

You scratched at the backs of my thighs and hips. "You have such beautiful skin, Will," You murmured.

 

I started to rock slightly on my knees back into you, and you caught me by the hips and held me still. Once I stopped moving you started to grinding hard against me, and I hung my head between my arms trying to stay still.

 

Suddenly I felt your fingers on my clit and my head popped up. "Ta-ra," I moaned your name. "Please, baby."

 

"Please what?" You asked as you continued to grind.

 

"In-inside," I begged. "I need you."

 

You slipped two fingers into me and I shuddered against you. "Willow, you're drenched, baby." You said.

 

"I've been stewing in my own juices a little bit longer," I panted. "Literally."

 

You slipped another finger inside me and I pressed back against you hard. I just stayed there your hand trapped between us, but you kept moving your long fingers inside me. "Tara, Tara, Tara," I chanted.

 

I started to rock against your hand and we setup a slow deep rhythm. I couldn't stop moaning and groaning with every thrust you made inside me.

 

"You're so hot, Willow," You said and wrapped your arm around my waist and tugged. I took the hint and sat up so I was riding your hand.

 

I reached behind me to touch you. "You feels so good, Tara." I  turned my head to kiss you, starting to tremble. My orgasm had been building for so long it seemed, and now I was ready to explode like a rocket.

 

As soon as I started to tremble, you moved you hand from my waist to my clit and I came instantly  howling. My hand dug into your hair and I heard you hiss in my ear, so I let go toppling over onto my hands. You didn't stop though, you kept pumping into me, stroking my clit over and over. I roared again and this time I came so hard I covered your hand and hips as I orgasmed.

 

This slowed your hand for a moment, I think you were surprised, but baby, you didn't let it stop you. You kept the steady pace and I came three more times in quick succession before I flopped down onto my stomach.  I lay there gasping as you eased out of me. You lay down half on me half off me, and I started to giggle.

 

I looked over my arm at you, and closed my eyes giggling some more. I moved my arm to around your shoulder and pulled you around more to face me so I could kiss you. I pulled back still giggling, and you just looked at me with this amused look on your face.

 

I buried my face in your neck and rolled us over so you were on top of me. "I should have warned you, love, but I didn't think we'd get there tonight," I said.

 

You just looked at me. "Don't worry we can talk about the fun things our bodies can do during sex, but I want to hold you while we do it," I smiled.

 

"That's why it wasn't a surprise to you?" You asked.

 

"I didn't lie when I said I thought it was sexy, Tara. And I know that I can given the right set of stimulation," I said. "I just didn't know you were gonna hit _all_ those buttons tonight. So yes, I can squirt, you can squirt. It's all about pressure, stimulation and the right person slash circumstances."

 

"How did you know I would?" You asked.

 

"I didn't," I replied with a shrug. "I just wanted to give you a deep, intense orgasm. That was a bonus, baby."

 

"Oh." You answered.

 

"Is that all, 'oh'?" I asked.

 

You nodded, and I started giggling again.

 

"Okay, but what's with the giggling? If I didn't know you had just come really hard several times, I might be a little upset by it," You said.

 

I tried to keep a straight face. "I'm sorry I can't help it. It's just... just that I feel so _good_ , and _you_ feel so good, and we feel so _good together_ , and I'm so _happy_ , Tara," I said and tightened my arms around you. "I just have to laugh. It's a good thing, baby, really."

 

You wiped some of my hair back away from my face and smiled down at me. "Okay," You said simply.

 

I kissed you several times, and just held you to me and wiggled a little. You looked up at me and I was grinning like an idiot. "You are something else, Willow. You know that?"

 

I nodded vigorously and laughed. "You make me happy, and you just gave me several fabulous happy's, so what can I say?"

 

"How about shower?" You replied.

 

"Good idea, then I say we change the sheets first?" I agreed.

 

"Agreed, no one likes sleeping in the wet spot," You answered.

 

"Sure," I replied letting go of you with chaste peck. "Hey, Tara?" I said as I sat up.

 

You turned around to look at me having already scooted out of bed. "Love you."

 

Your smile lit up the room and left me breathless, as I stood naked next to the bed playing with my fingers. You hurried around the bed and into my arms. Now you started to giggle, and I just smiled goofily.

 

"I get the giggling now," You said smiling, and I knew just what you meant. "I love you too, Willow."

 

 

TBC...


	18. Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst Rating: NC-17
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
> 
> Feedback: Always a delight
> 
>  
> 
> _Author’s Notes : Hi all. Well, I'll just cover the usual. There's no beta so anything glaring PM me and I'll fix it. Italics are used for emphasis. I've figured out how to insert links (can't believe I didn't pay attention before). This chapter title is also a song as well, and I've linked it so just click on the title, me I say listen to it on repeat while you read the chapter, but that's me - it's a great song. There's probably only one more chapter left, two at the very best... or maybe just a really long one, not sure yet, it's not written. So enjoy and thanks for reading everyone!_

 

 

 

[ **Lullaby** ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjAYkFpyqp8)

 

Waking up next to you is always the best part of my day. No matter what we have to do that day, or what may be happening, you have this way of waking me up gently. Sometimes it's with gentle touches or sweet soft kisses; sometimes they're more passionate and insistent. But it's never with yelling or slamming doors; even when we should be in a hurry but I'm still curled up under the covers, and I love you for it. I know how sappy and clichéd that may sound, but baby, I don’t mind.

 

Anyway, I woke up with you the next day curled around you, and just like the night before we hadn’t moved an inch. I had never been one to sleep well or not move around while I slept until we started sleeping – and not sleeping – together. There’s something about lying beside you that puts all of me to ease and allows me to rest. You ease me into my days, and glide so lovingly with me into our nights.

 

So I woke up to you humming very softly while your fingers playing gently up and down my spine. I remember wondering from the way that the way you moved your fingers if you had ever played piano. Your head was still tucked under my chin, and I could feel one of your hands nestled between us. I worried that it might have fallen asleep in the night, as your other hand skittered gently up and down my naked back.

 

I kissed the top of your head. “Good morning, love,” I said softly.

 

You kissed my chest before pulling back to look into my eyes. “Good morning, sweetie.”

 

We kissed softly, and I rolled onto my back pulling you with me. I started to gently massage your shoulders and down your arms as you lay on top of me. “Did your hand fall asleep?” I asked between kisses.

 

You smiled into our kisses and pulled back a little. “If I say no will you stop what you’re doing?”

 

I laughed softly. “No, I won’t stop if you don’t want me to.”

 

“No, it didn’t.” You answered.

 

“Good, I like holding you that way when we sleep,” I said and nuzzled our noses together. “How long have you been awake?”

 

“I don’t know, a while I guess,” You replied with a shrug. “I didn’t want to move though.” You looked at me shyly. “I like being in your arms, Willow.”

 

I blinked rapidly; those simple words set a whirlpool of emotions loose in me. So many things swirled around in my head and heart. With you, baby, I have never been able to hide from my emotions, or keep them from you either. So I took a deep breath and smiled before I kissed you again. “Darling, I _love_ having you in them.” I tighten my arms around you, just holding you to me.

 

We lost ourselves in tender kisses, and with an easy deliberation made love to one another. The feeling and passion ran just as deep and strong as the night before; our emotions carried us away to that special realm that is uniquely our own. The sensuality and joy when we peaked just proved, if there was any doubt left between us, how profound our connection really was even so early into our relationship.

 

Waxing poetic, it seemed like it was beyond just the physical and verged on being spiritual. As time has passed, love, I like to think it has surpassed the tedious bindings of everyday description; our love is now something  mythical to me. Something timeless and precious, rare and beautiful – just like you. Never doubt for an instant that I know just how very lucky I am to have you with me, darling.

 

“Are you hungry?” I asked softly after our bodies calmed again.

 

You nodded and kissed my shoulder. “If we get up I can make us some breakfast,” I said as I stroked your hair.

 

You looked up me. “Why don’t _we_ make breakfast?”

 

I pushed a stray lock of damp hair behind your ear. “I like the sound of that,” I agreed. “But can we snuggle a little more first?”

 

“The day is _always_ better with more Willow-snuggles in it,” You answered and proceeded to kiss me breathless.

 

******

 

We showered together leisurely, caressing as we cleaned one another. You dressed in Erik's t-shirt and a pair of my sweat pants that were deliciously tight on you; I had a wonderful view of your bottom while I washed your clothes. When we made it downstairs we saw that it was still snowing, so we turned on the television to catch the weather. It looked like we had a blizzard on our hands, one that wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon.

 

You called home to talk to Robby and make sure he was okay. I sat holding your hand, and even spoke with him too. It seemed obvious he needed some reassuring that everything was okay, and I promised that when the snow stopped and it was safe I’d bring you home, then we could build a snowman. That seemed to put both him and you at ease.

 

“Have you ever been away from Robby this long?” I asked after you hung up.

 

You smiled sheepishly. “I have a few times for work, but…” you shrugged.

 

“You don’t like it.” I finished as you nodded your head. “If you really want to go home we can find a way, Tara. I’m not holding you captive or anything, it’s just snow.”

 

Just then the house phone rang. It was Erik calling to check up on me. I had to hold the phone away from my ear as he squealed like a girl when I told him I had company, “overnight company” as he termed it. You blushed and giggled. I quickly hung up on him when he asked to speak to you, wanting to make sure you “were a nice girl for his Willow”.

 

It was my turn to blush as I dropped the phone on the coffee table and flopped down next on the couch. You climbed into my lap and straddled me. You stroked my face and looked deeply into my eyes.

 

“Willow, it’s okay. I’m okay,” You said. “We are just a few miles apart, and he’s okay. Buffy and Joyce love him like I do, so he’s in good hands. They’re just not mine.” You smiled crookedly.

 

I kissed you gently. “As long as you’re okay,” I said. “I think breakfast is order.” I looked at the time on the cable box above the television. “More like brunch.”

 

We giggled together for a few moments, and I shifted you carefully and in a stunning display of my studly-ness, I stood up with you in my arms. You squealed and wrapped your legs around me as I moved us into the kitchen.

 

I noticed the catch in your breathing and watched your eyes darken a little. “Does this turn you on, Tara?”

 

You nodded and licked your lips. “You’re stronger than you look.”

 

I smirked cockily, and pressed us against the wall as I fondled your bottom. “Uh huh, some of the metal used at the gallery isn’t light. Helping to weld them in place… well, holding you in place is like holding a feather in place in comparison, baby.”

 

You tightened your legs around me, while I nipped at your lips. You were kneading my shoulders, and neck, to show off even more I started to lift you up and down slowly. You groaned as you could feel the muscles move; I spun around and planted you firmly on the island in the middle of the kitchen.

 

I looked at you, asking an unspoken question. Nodding, you pulled me in for an electric kiss that left us both breathless and aroused. Have I mentioned what a good kisser you are? You take my breath away every time. Your kiss was so hot I pulled you to the edge of the island and lifted you again pulling down the sweat pants.

 

I yanked them roughly down your legs, and pushed you back across the counter. Pushing the t-shirt up I kissed your stomach, biting and growling at the quivering flesh.  You were chanting “Oh God” over and over, I snickered before I snarked, “Baby, God has nothing to do with what I’m about to do to you, trust me.” Then I buried my face in to your hot, delicious sex.

 

Your hands tightened in my hair, as I went to work on your clit. Light flicks and swirls that started your hips rocking, I picked your hips up and held you to my mouth. This gave me better leverage so I could slip my tongue inside to stroke you as far as I could get it inside you. You were rubbing yourself against my face, and you were so very wet.

 

Getting a bright idea, I stopped making you whimper. “Willow! Please!”

 

“Just a minute, baby. I swear,” I said as I grabbed one of the chairs from the dining room table and scurried back to you. I slid up to you, and the chair put me at the perfect level. With a growl I went right back to work. I put your legs over my shoulders, and now my hands were free. I placed one hand just above your mound and pressed firmly but gently as I entered you.

 

Your hands were behind your head holding on to the edge of the counter top. You were so wet I had to add another finger just to get friction. I timed the gentle pressure from above as a counterpoint to my strokes inside you. You can get so loud, it’s wonderful to hear you enjoying your pleasure. You let go of the counter and pushed the t-shirt off to get at your nipples. They were already standing hard, and I could watch as you played with them.

 

Now that I knew where to find it, I made sure my strokes hit your g-spot every time. Your legs started to tremble and tighten around my head while you raised your head to look down at me. I winked at you and sucked harder on your clit.

 

“Will… oh, Willow,” You panted. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna do it again!”

 

I knew what you meant, what you were trying to say, you were trying to warn me. Instead of stopping, I just moved my hand faster, swirling my tongue in tight circles around your clit.

 

“WILLOW!” You howled, coating my mouth and chin liberally in your cum. It rolled down my neck as you shuddered and convulsed against the counter. I kept stroking you from the inside, but only held your clit between my lips, sucking gently occasionally as you rode out the fierce orgasm.

 

Once all the fluttering had stopped, I laid my head against your thigh and watched you. You were cupping your breasts, as you panted. I kissed the insides of your thighs, and cleaned you gently with my tongue relishing the taste of your juices. I finally wiped my neck off on my t-shirt, before I scooped you up off the counter and carried you back upstairs to my bed.

 

I laid you down, and peeled off my quite wet t-shirt, and the rest of my cloths then got in beside you covering us both up. I rolled you gently into my arms. You giggle and pulled back to look at me before kissing me passionately. Your licked my chin and around my mouth, making me moan.

 

“I doesn’t seem like we’ve managed to stay out of this bed for very long does it?” You asked, as you nibbled down my throat.

 

“No, not really,” I breathed. “Is that a bad thing?” I squeaked when you bit me.

 

“Not in my book,” You replied huskily.

 

You proceeded to work your own special brand of magic along my already over-heated body. Shattering me into a million different joyful pieces, only to put me back together as only you can.

 

******

 

We finally made it back downstairs to eat around dinner time. Fortuitously, I had been grocery shopping before the storm thinking I was going to be on my own for several days. We made up for our lack of other meals with a large dinner that included pie for dessert.

 

Giggling between us we agreed to stay downstairs and watch television there since we had spent the better part of the day in bed. It was still primarily background noise while we whispered to one another little tidbits, little hopes and dreams. We were curled around one another as we talked, deepening our emotional connection.

 

As it grew later, we grew tired and made our way to the stairs after I made sure the house was locked up tight. I slid around the corner in my fuzzy pink socks to stand next to you and easily swept you up and rushed up the stairs with you in my arms.

 

“Willow!” You squeaked and swatted at my shoulder. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep carrying me around.”

 

I sat down on the bed holding you on my lap. “Tara, I would carry you anywhere you wanted to go,” I replied sincerely. “You would _never_ be a burden to me.”

 

You cocked your head to one side, studying me. “You really mean that don’t you?” You whispered.

 

I nodded. “The more I’m with you, the more in I love you I am. The more I learn about you, I see what a remarkable woman your really are,” I said swallowing hard. “I don’t mean it as flattery either. You’re _so_ strong, Tara, but you’ve still managed to remain warm and open. Open to love, you haven’t lost that ability when a lot of people would have shut themselves down.” I just shook my head.

 

You wrapped your arms around my shoulders. “Oh, Willow…” You sighed. “That was _never_ really an option. I had people that loved me too much to let me close in on myself. I never would have been able to be what Robby needed if I shutdown, and at times he needed _so_ much! Not just love, but patience and understanding.” You stroked my cheek. “To be good _for_ him and _to_ him, I had to be sure I never stopped doing those things with everyone in my life. My mom and Donny would _never_ have wanted that for me, and I wanted to make them both proud. Proud of Robby… and proud of me.”

 

I smiled. “See, you’re so wise and that’s only part of what makes you… well, you. I love that about you.”

 

You smiled. “Sweet talker.”

 

I shook my head. “I’m just calling it as I see it.”

 

You kissed me sweetly. “You’re pretty amazing yourself, Miss Rosenberg.” You said. “You have all these brains and crazy skills, and yet you heft sheet metal and weld in an art gallery because it makes you happy. You could be doing _anything_ you want with that mind of yours, why the gallery Will?”

 

I blushed and nodded. “My mother is calling it a _‘phase’_ ,” I said with a rueful smile. “That when I was tired of my _‘bohemian lifestyle’_ , I would come to my senses and get a _‘real job’,_ ” I snickered. “It’s funny that she took my coming out better than my going to work in the gallery.”

 

We both laughed at this.

 

“What about your dad?” You asked.

 

“Dad… dad is dad. He’s loosened up considerably since retiring from the military,” I said as I shrugged. “He just thought for a bit, and said I’m an adult now and can do what I want regardless of their opinion. I’ve ‘got a good head on my shoulders’” I mimicked. “And will do what I think is best, as it should be.”

 

“Are you truly happy?” You asked softly.

 

I thought carefully for a moment. “Yes, yes I am,” I replied. “Besides, it brought me to you after all.” I smiled and nuzzled our noses together.

 

You kissed me deeply, and we were both breathless when we pulled apart. “Charmer.”

 

“Is it working?”I wiggled my eyebrows at you, and you rolled your eyes in return.

 

We both giggled and held on to each other tighter. Soon enough you slid off of my lap, and we went about our nightly routines. I was sitting on the bed when you came out of the bathroom, and you looked at me questioningly.

 

“Um…” I sighed. “I wasn’t sure how you wanted to sleep,” I said looking at the shorts and t-shirt I had sitting next to me on the turned down bed. I was hoping that you would want to sleep naked, I knew I did. I love the feel of your silky skin against mine, I can’t think of anything better.

 

You looked at me for a moment, then took the clothes and put them on my dresser. You stood in front of me and slowly stripped. You pulled the covers further back, and moved past me making sure to brush against me as you climbed into bed.

 

I shivered as your warm skin skimmed over mine, making my temperature jump a good ten degrees. “You are evil, Tara Maclay,” I said before standing to shuck my panties and long sleep shirt. I followed you into bed as quickly as I could manage.

 

“Hey gorgeous,” You said once I was in next to you.

 

“Hello, darlin’,” I replied and ran my hand down your bare arm. “I’m feelin’ a little lonely over here, you think you might want to keep me company?”

 

“Hmm… I think I just might,” You teased before scooting over into my arms, getting comfortable with a sigh.

 

“I think this is my new favorite thing,” I said softly next to your ear.

 

You pulled back to look at me, your eyes twinkling with mirth. “Just this?”

 

“How about one of a few select new things that only we do?” I replied.

 

“That’s better I guess,” You pouted.

 

“Okaayy, how about this? My new favorite thing is being deep inside you while you cum screaming my name, BUT for those times when I can’t be, this is almost as nice.” I whispered boldly in your ear.

 

You gulped audibly and shivered. “I’m good with that.”

 

“I thought you might be,” I snickered and nipped your earlobe gently.

 

You pressed even closer to me, curling into the position you had been in the night before. We both sighed contentedly as we fit flush against one another perfectly.

 

“Goodnight, baby,” I said and kissed your temple.

 

“Sweet dreams, love,” You replied as you left several butterfly soft kisses on my chest just above my heart.

 

It seemed like as soon as I closed my eyes I was asleep and dreaming. Dreaming of you. I was chasing you while we laughed around an large old oak tree. The sunlight was shining in your hair, and yours eyes twinkled merrily as I tackled you gently to the ground. Stealing kisses, we were soon piled on and surrounded by more joyful laughter.

 

I was such a wonderful dream, and one that you made come true.

 

 

 

TBC…


	19. A Thousand Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst Rating: R
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, The WB, UTN etc., etc. ad nausuem. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum, there may be small amounts of dialogue borrowed. No money is being made, this is simply for my own pleasure.
> 
> Feedback: Say what you like
> 
>  
> 
> _Author’s Notes : This is the last chapter. I’d like to thank everyone for reading and leaving feedback. I hope you enjoyed yourselves. I didn’t intend to tie songs to the last few chapter titles, but that is what has happened. Please feel free to click on the title as it is linked to a song that I felt summed it up the chapter and the story pretty much perfectly. As per the norm, there is no beta for this, so any mistakes are all my own. If you catch something glaring by all mean PM me with it and I’ll fix it. Italics are for emphasis, and once again, thanks for reading._

[ **_A Thousand Years_ ** ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQNyvDzha8c)

 

Tara, those first days we had together during the storm were more than magical to me. We talked and we made love, all encapsulated in our own little realm. In a way, the storm was a blessing. It gave us days to just be with one another detached from the “real world” of work and family and responsibilities. So soon into a new relationship I think most couples would have been petrified of being forcibly stuck together for so many days continuously. Not us though, it was easy to be with one another even then; it was always the being apart that was hardest for us.

  
  
  
It snowed all the next day and most of the day after too, stopping late in the evening. By the time it had settled and roads were clear to drive it was New Year’s Eve. We had been together at my house for five solid days. I packed a bag for a few days this time, after what was an _extremely_ brief conversation about whether or not I wanted to stay with you, and we went back to Joyce’s house. As we made our way up the walk, the door flew open as an overjoyed little boy darted down the steps and launched himself at you.

  
  
  
“Tante! Tante!” Robby squealed happily wrapping himself around you. “I missed you, Tante!”

  
  
  
“Ooo, I missed you too, my little man!” You replied smiling broadly, as you kissed his cheeks repeatedly while hugging him tight.

  
  
I tightened the hold I had on my backpack strap as I watched the two of you with unguarded fascination. Your face had lit up so brightly when Robby came running out to greet you. There was still a bit of novelty in that kind of open, “hands-on” familial relationship for me and I felt a bit like a voyeur. I was also reminded of what an important role touch played in your lives, especially for Robby.

  
  
  
Being so openly affectionate was also just an added perk of you being who you are naturally. Having now been on the receiving end of your attentions, I knew just how wonderful it could be to bask in that warmth.

  
  
  
The sight of the two of you was very sweet; both of your faces shining with love and affection. I was struck again by the heavy resemblance between you. From the shape of your faces and color of your eyes along with the identical oh-so endearing crooked grins mirrored perfectly on each of your faces. It struck me then that Robby could easily have passed for your child instead of your nephew, just based on looks alone.

  
  
  
I knew you had adopted him, and all the love any parent has for their child was there shining through your eyes so plainly for me to see. I realized that it had stopped mattering for you both a long time ago – if it ever really had for Robby – just like you had said that cold night you came to my door with an apology. He’s yours regardless of who had actually given birth to him.

  
  
  
“Willow!” Robby yelped with just as much enthusiasm as he had greeted you with when you put him back on his own two feet. Once he let go of you he threw himself at me giggling.

  
  
  
I smiled bashfully as he hugged me tightly around the waist. When I looked down, I noticed he was only in his socks. “Buddy, you don’t have on any shoes,” I said softly. I dropped my backpack and kneeled down. “How ‘bout I give you a piggyback ride?”

  
  
  
“Okay!” Robby said excitedly as he hopped on my back.

  
  
You took my pack from my hand, you made sure to brush our fingers together smiling tenderly at me, making my stomach flutter giddily. As we turned to go inside, I could see Buffy standing in the doorway smiling knowingly.

  
  
  
“How’s it going guys?” She asked innocently enough, but I couldn’t stop myself from blushing furiously.

  
  
  
I didn’t think your grin could have been any brighter when you saw Robby, but I swear the voltage went up several more watts in reply. I didn’t miss the sly wink you gave her either, and I don’t think you meant for me to either. The wink more than anything, made it hard for me to look Buffy in the eye as I carried Robby inside.

  
  
“Good, Buff,” I mumbled trying to move quickly through the door.

  
  
  
“I bet,” Buffy replied just loud enough for me to hear as I passed her.

  
  
  
I shot Buffy a look as I let Robby slide down my back and scurry away into the living room. I could hear the sounds of a video game welcoming the player back and Robby cackling happily. My eyes darted nervously between you and Buffy as we hung up our coats. You were still wearing that telling smile and Buffy leaned against the wall smirking with her arms crossed over her chest.

  
  
  
“Sweetie, I’m going to take your bag upstairs,” You said and kissed me softly before skipping off up the stairs.

  
  
  
I had been rubbing my hands together warding off the cold, but now it was my turn to grin toothily. This only made Buffy burst into laughter and shake her head as she watched us. She threw her arm around my shoulder and pulled me along with her.

  
  
  
“C’mon Romeo, let’s get you something warm to drink,” Buffy teased.

  
  
  
I was still trying to watch you go as she led me out of view and into the kitchen. I plopped down on one of the stools, and rested my chin on my hands. Buffy sat down on a stool next to me.

  
  
  
“Sooo,” Buffy drawled. “How have things been?” She asked wiggling her eyebrows comically. “I don’t need or want details, because this is you and Tara, who is like my sister,” Buffy made a face. “A whole world of “eeeww” to that one, and definitely a big “no” to the details. But you both seem nice and couple-y.”

  
  
  
I just looked at Buffy. “Buff, you know when we met it was all… zowy!” I said mimicking an explosion with my hands. “Then after the way everything went down in flames at dinner that night, I thought for _sure_ she was gonna hate me forever, and well, all my hugs and kittens took the next train out of Dodge.”

  
  
  
Buffy laughed at my explanation. “But now?”

  
  
  
“All the rules changed again. _She_ showed up on _my_ doorstep – to apologize – to _me_!” I squeaked poking myself a little too hard in the chest. “This last week has been the craziest and the absolute _best_ of my life.” I shook my head unable to finish my thoughts. “I don’t know where to start from there, Buffy. I don’t know if I can even put it all into words…” I looked up at Buffy and said softly, “She’s everything, Buff… she’s just… _my everything_.”

  
  
  
“Wow, I love how you put things, Will,” Buffy smiled warmly and squeezing my shoulder. “There’s no one quite like you.”

  
  
  
“The best of mine too, sweetheart,” You said from the doorway smiling.

  
  
  
We both turned when you spoke; I opened my arms and in an instance you were in them. Like I just wished it and you were immediately there. We both sighed happily, and Buffy started to giggle. She had one hand resting over her heart and her eyes glistened with tears.

  
  
  
“I _knew_ you two would be good for each other,” She said her voice thick with tears. “You guys glow… it’s so… _cool_.”

  
  
  
You held your arm out to her and we pulled her into a hug with us. Soon the three of us were giggling like schoolchildren. Buffy pulled away with the intent of making hot coco, and I laid my head on your shoulder as I pulled you into my lap.

  
  
  
“Ooo, we should let Willow make the coco, Buffy, hers is excellent,” You bragged.

  
  
  
Buffy turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow, and I was just smiling up at you. “That’s because it’s made with love, baby,” I said sappily.

  
  
  
“Yes, and _mine_ is only made with “like”,” Buffy snarked back making us all giggle again.

  
  
  
“I’d like coco too, please!” Robby yelled from the living room.

  
  
We all turned to look in the direction of the living room. “How did he hear us?” I asked.

  
  
  
“Oh, you said the magic word – “coco”,” Buffy replied with a knowing smile. “That child would have heard anything to do with chocolate whispered at two hundred paces.”

  
  
  
“It’s true, watch,” You said, then whispered in my ear. “I have some chocolate, would you like a piece?”

  
  
  
“Can I have some too?” Robby yelled again.

  
  
I looked towards the living room again, slack-jawed with surprise.

  
  
  
“See?” You said

  
  
  
“How does he do that?” I asked in awe.

  
  
  
“We have _no_ idea,” Buffy replied, then eyed you carefully. “I hope you weren’t teasing and actually _have_ some chocolate somewhere to give him.”

  
  
You nodded and pointed to a cabinet above the refrigerator. With more stealth than I had ever seen her use, Buffy hopped up on the counter to reach above the refrigerator. She carefully opened the cabinet and retrieved the bag of candy while she kept talking.

  
  
  
“We noticed it when he was what, about six?” She looked at you, and you nodded in agreement. “No matter where in the house you were, if you mentioned something about chocolate he heard it,” she said.

  
  
  
“Does it work with any other candy?” I asked.

  
  
  
“Nope, just chocolate,” You replied. “Donny was the same way as a kid, though.” You smiled softly.

  
  
  
“So he’s just like his dad then?” I said with a smile.

  
  
  
“Yeah, he is,” Your words were faintly proud, and I knew what it meant to you that Robby showed any similarities to his dad.

  
  
  
“Kinda cool, huh?” Buffy said, and we all nodded in agreement.

  
  
  
I gave you a squeeze and looked at Buffy. “I can make the coco if you want, it’s no biggie.”

  
  
  
Buffy hopped off the counter. “Go right ahead since _“ **yours** is the best”_ ,” she teased fluttering her eyelashes as she tossed you the bag of candy.

  
  
  
“Hey, I take my coco _very_ seriously,” I said solemnly, with a stern look that made you both giggle. “Now where’s your spice rack?”

  
  
  
******

  
  
The afternoon ebbed away into evening, and Robby was excited about being able to stay up for the first time to watch the ball drop and ring in the New Year. We had hats and noise makers, and instead of champagne, there was a bottle of sparkling cider for us all to toast with at midnight. Erik called from his parents in Denver so he could share ringing in the New Year even if it was only by phone. Brenda had been not exactly drunk texting but not entirely sober either and we had several laughs at her antics and a few racy photos. And Buffy kept sneaking off with her phone smirking.

  
  
Robby crashed a little after the New Year was rung in, and together we put him in bed. We said our goodnights to Joyce, and Buffy was sneaking off with her phone again. Hand in hand, we made our way quietly to your room. With the door locked, I watched you light a few candles that were had scattered around your room in different places from my spot on your bed. The soft light lent a warm glow to your skin and a twinkle to your gorgeous blue eyes when you turned to look at me.

  
  
I held up my hand to stop you when you turned to face me on the bed. Then I started a little show of slowly undressing for you. I could see your breathing grow labored with every piece of clothing I removed. Finally, I lay naked before you and let you look at me while I stretched and flexed for you. Touching here and there, dipping my fingers between my thighs so you could see my desire. See how turned on I was by you and my little show. I crawled down the bed to where you stood, to slither my way up against you and I couldn’t stop myself from smirking as you bit your lower lip.

  
  
With steady hands I slowly stripped you. Taking time to caress every bit of your warm and luminous flesh, as I continued revealed more and more of you to my very eager hands and lips. Kneeling before you, I slid your jeans down your thighs – the muscles twitched as I trailed wet open-mouthed kisses down the sweet silky skin of your legs. I looked up you, and the ghost of a smile that played at your lips took my breath away.

  
  
  
“You’re so beautiful, Tara,” I breathed. “I love you so much.”

  
  
  
“I love you, too, Willow, more than I can believe,” You replied, tugging playfully on a lock of my hair. “You captured my heart and made me yours from the first moment our hands touched.”

  
  
  
I cocked my head to the side and rubbed my cheek against your thigh. “I am, you know,” I said softly as I gazed up at you.

  
  
  
“What, love?” You asked.

  
  
  
“Yours,” I answered simply.

  
  
  
Your eyes shimmered as you looked down at me, stroking my cheek, and I nuzzled into your hand before I rose to my feet. I kissed you softly, pressing the lengths of our bodies together, just holding you for a moment, feeling how perfectly we fit together. Then I swiftly caught you up in my arms, and gently laid you down on the bed. I looked at you, your hair splayed over the pillow, and a slight flush to your cheeks.

  
  
  
“My angel,” I whispered. “I’ll love you for a thousand years.”

  
  
  
“And I’ll love you for a thousand more, my Valentine colored girl,” You replied, and I looked at your questioningly. “Your red hair, pink lips,” You licked at my mouth and tapped your fingers lightly against my mound, and raised your eyebrow seductively. “Your sweet nipples and I can’t forget your gorgeous pale skin.” You rubbed our noses together. “Red, white and pink… valentine colors.”

  
  
  
I smiled at you before I kissed you softly. Quickly our kisses became passionate and as fierce as our growing love for one another. We didn’t sleep that night, we made love until we were exhausted, and finally pulled from our little cocoon and forced back into the “real world” the next day.

  
  
  
It was the first of many such wonderful New Years we’ve shared together, Tara.

  
  
  
******

  
  
Darling, it’s hard to believe that was so many years ago. We waited what seemed like a torturous six months before we did the classic lesbian U-Haul thing and moved in together. We haven’t spent more than a few days here and there apart because of work, and eventually we got around that too. Things were peaceful, we found a cute little brownstone just a block over from Buffy and Joyce, and made our home there, the three of us. Nothing much really seemed to change except the sleeping arrangements. If we weren’t over there, they were at ours. I wouldn’t have it any other way and I know you wouldn’t either. Besides I think Robby enjoyed having two rooms he could fill with toys.

  
  
  
If I think about it now, it was almost nine years ago that Erik met and married Marie. I never knew Erik would love being a father so much, and I don’t think he did either, but he’s just the best with the boys. They’re both patient and kind but firm when they have to be. It looks like this time they’re finally getting the little girl Erik says has always wanted. Although Marie swears that number five is it regardless. That little girl is going to be so well loved. And God help any boy she brings home to meet her father and four older brothers. You know they’ll never be good enough for her.

  
  
Eight years ago, Brenda suddenly offered me a partnership in the gallery. She said wanted someone she could trust to keep it going the way her father would have wanted, and that was also when she told me she had a lump in her left breast. It was too far along, and there was no point in treating it. She said she didn’t want to spend her last day’s sick from being sick, and that was that. I spent the rest of that day locked away in the office crying. I was such a mess Brenda finally called you to come get me. Things went so fast after that, it seems. We lost Brenda eight and a half months later, and then I took over the gallery from top to bottom. I’ve often wondered if that wasn’t really why she offered me my first job there in the first place. Maybe she already knew she was sick and had made her choices. And in _me_ , she hoped to find someone that would love _all_ of the gallery just as much as she had. Well, she was right.

  
  
The year we lost Brenda was also Robby’s first year of high school, and we were celebrating four happy years together at that point. Robby had grown up so much – tall and gangly – all graceless elbows and knees as boys tend to be at fourteen. Grinning and mischievous, he was looking more and more like your brother every day, too. It’s hard to believe that it’s been only four years since he graduated from college with a degree in social work.

  
  
  
He’s become such an outstanding young man, so independent and strong. All the love and care that you, Buffy and Joyce have given him over the years have allowed him to overcome the majority of what could have been debilitating effects of his disease. He has a wonderful life. I am so proud to have been even a small part of it with you. I see you shining through him all of the time, you know, his wonderful Tante.

  
  
  
That was also the year you joined me at the gallery. Robby and I convinced you to start painting again, something you have said you never thought you would do again. Of course I think you’re incredibly talented and so do several of the patrons of the gallery so I’m not biased – much. I have to say seeing you covered in paint, skin flushed and eyes gleaming happily is incredibly sexy, but I think the piles of our paint-splattered, ruined clothes speak for themselves.

  
  
  
It’s been three and a half since Buffy and Roger got married. Now, beautiful little Carolyn is making her wobbly way around our world and talking up a storm just like her mom. I remember how you and Joyce cried when Buffy told you she was pregnant with a little girl and the name she and Roger had chosen for her. They were naming her after your mom. I don’t think I’ve ever loved my best friend more than at that moment.

  
  
All of that is to get to this part, and I’ll try not to carry on too long here.

  
  
  
The first wedding anniversary is traditionally paper, but this really isn’t our _“first”_ anniversary is it? So for our first “legal” anniversary I decided to do something a little different, something _only_ for you.   


  
You’ve been my life for the last twelve years, baby, and nothing was more magical and you were _never_ more radiant than the day when you became my wife – _legally_. Now all the world knows what our friends and family have know for so long. We are meant for each other.  


  
About six months after we got married I was browsing in a book store in Old Colorado City, when I saw this journal and I just knew that I had to buy it. Something about the way embossed leather felt in my hands; it was a simple Celtic Tree of Life design. I’ve seen this design a thousand time but this particular one just spoke to me in a way journals just normally don’t. I talk enough without the need to write it all down – as you well know, sweetheart. 

  
  
Then an idea came to me. I would fill it with my memories how my life was when I came back from Las Vegas – before there was a _you_ in my life. Keep going right up to those crazy beautiful whirlwind days after we first met, and when we just knew this was meant to be forever. All of it through my eyes, and it would be my special gift to you. 

  
  
The timing just seemed to fall into place. I tried to write it as a story, but I’m no writer, I’m just the simple fool who’s in love with you. So I’m not sure that worked quite like I planned the I got further into my memories. Besides, this is so I could tell you in my own way, what that time was like for me in a way that we don’t have to share with the world. Just for us… just for you, in case you ever forget how much you mean to me.

  
  
Since that cold day in December, when you put your hand in mine, it has always been _you_ , my beautiful darling. You have _always_ been _my everything_. I _live_ for you, I _dream_ only of you, and I simply _cannot_ be without you. 

  
  
So this is my gift to you, happy “first” legal anniversary, my darling, I hope you like it. The last twelve years have been magnificent. Full and rich in every way that you dream about them being, and I love you more than I could have ever imagined I would be able to love someone. You’ve given me some much, Tara. You taught me how to love, how to fight, and how to forgive. You gave me a warm, compassionate family, and they mean the world to me.   


  
I can’t describe the joy and wonder I feel at the prospect of spending the next forty or so years together with you either. Giddy doesn’t cover it, lucky doesn’t either… I think perhaps blessed might be the best way to describe what I feel when I think of our future.

  
  
This is for you, my baby. My beloved wife, my beautiful lover, my greatest friend, my always, and most importantly, My Tara.  


 

 

_The End_


End file.
